bradley

Hey guys! Sorry I have been so MIA the past few weeks. I have been going through some really difficult stuff lately. My grandmother, who practically raised me is passing away. About three weeks ago she was having horrible chest pains. My aunt took her to the hospital where they immediately did a plethora of tests and scans which determined that she was on borrowed time. She is suffering from congestive heart failure which is when your heart cant get enough blood to the rest of your body. Her aortic valve is severely clogged so her heart is basically working double time and thus getting tired and overworked. They wanted to do a procedure that would unclog the valve but there is an 80% chance that she will suffer a massive stroke during the surgery so she decided not to go through with the procedure. She also has a form of cancer called renal cell cancer that is encroaching on her heart muscle. She was in the hospital fro about 5 days. Once they got her vitas stabilized they sent her home. She ahs had a really rough few days and had to be taken back to the hospital due to second minor heart attack. I spoke with her last night and she has made the decision to stop fighting. She doesnt like the quality of life that she has currently with all of the tests, medications, and treatments that she has on a daily basis. She told me through tears that she wants to go out of this life with dignity and has chosen to go on hospice at this point. They will come to her home and make her as comfortable as possible for when the end comes.

My grandmother has been more of a mother figure to me throughout my life. She is my world, always has been, and I hers. My parents divorced when I was less than a year old. When I was at my fathers house (my parents had 50/50 custody) in Sonoma (my mom lived in Sacramento and my dad in Sonoma) I would spend all of my time at my grandmas because my dad had a very difficult work schedule. My best memories are with my grandma. She was a docent at a nature preserve in the area, I remember hiking at the nature preserve along the beautiful canyon trails with her. She taught me the names of all of the flowers, ferns, and trees, we would find red bellied newts along the canyon wall and I would get to hold them for a moment, as long as I made sure to put it back right where I found it. My grandma taught me anything and everything there is to know about nature and how important it is to take care of it. She instilled a love for all living things in me. She is the kind of person that gives and gives and I have never heard her ask for anything in return. She volunteers with a non profit organization that helps get rides for senior citizens who dont drive to get to their doctors appointments, she goes around to schools with her singing group and teaches children about nature, I can go on and on about all of the amazing and selfless things that she does for others. My grandmother is truly one of the kindest people I have encountered. She has a heart of gold and has made a difference in so many lives.

I have experienced so many amazing things that I otherwise would never have been able to do because of my grandma Evie. She and my grandpa took me on a trip to the UK and Ireland when I was younger. We saw the most amazing things in London and I learned so much, we went to Beatrix Potters house in the Lake District (she and I read her books countless times together when I was growing up), we visited Banbury, and so many other areas along the trip. Then we headed over to Ireland and visited my cousins that live in Dublin. While we were there we hiked and went sightseeing. My favorite part of the trip was when we went back to Navan which is where our family is originally from. It was moving to be able to have my grandma share that with me.

The next year we went on a small cruise (I use the word cruise lightly because we were on a pretty small boat) with the academy of science to Baja to go whale watching. It was one of the most amazing experiences. We went out in small zodiacs and watched grey whales in their natural habitat. One time when we went out a baby grey whale and it momma came right up to the zodiac and I got the opportunity to pet the baby. So cool!! I cannot believe to this day that I got to do that! The ship had little excursions that you could sign up to do. One day we got to kayak along some amazing cliffs along the coast, another day we had a barbeque on the beach of an uninhabited island. That was amazing. There were sand dollars and shells everywhere because there was no one on the island to disturb them. One day we were on the boat and 4 orcas that were migrating came up to the boat! It was unbelievable! The last thing that you expect to see in Mexico is orcas! My grandparents gave me the most amazing trip with them. I got to learn and experience so many things because of them that I never would have otherwise.

My grandpa is having a really hard time with all of this. I cannot imagine how he is feeling if I am this much of a wreck. They celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this last summer. We had a huge blowout of a party for them. 50 years and the happiest couple I have ever met.

I love my grandma more than anyone. I want to be selfish and want her to continue fighting but I cannot ask her to do that. I know this is what she wants, and I am okay with that. I am not sure what my life is going to be like without my daily talks with her over the phone, or without her to call when I am having a really hard day. She is the only person I have ever been able to depend on aside from myself. Shes my rock. I know I can make it through this, I just dont want to. I always knew that she would be gone one day, I guess I just thought that I would have more time. Since she has always taken on more of the mom role for me I always thought she would be around to see me get married and have a baby. Now the reality is hitting me that she wont be. Its hard to stomach. I am trying my hardest to be strong for her and my grandpa. They are the most amazing people I know and I love tem dearly. All I can do now is stick with them and keep on keepin on . My grandma would be pissed at me for anything less. Haha. Last night she told me that she wants to be cremated and released at Point Reyes beach in the surf. It is a place with a ton of family memories and has a very special place in all of our hearts. I think that it is the perfect place for her. I didnt want to think about it but I understand that she needed to make sure that I kept her wishes and she knew that I would make sure it happens the way she wants it.

To put it bluntly, this really blows.