bradalock

Fiona said it best and I am taking her advice. Here's to G.

I'm gonna make a mistake
I'm gonna do it on purpose
I'm gonna waste my time
'Cause I'm full as a tick
And I'm scratching at the surface
And what I find is mine
And when the day is done, and I look back
And the fact is I had fun, fumbling...
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So here I am.
Bored. Lost focus.
Meh...

Girls are really dumb.
The ruse is no longer interesting to me. It was fun for awhile. I got my revenge. Enough is enough.

I no longer have that feeling, you know, the one at night when you're all alone. That longing for arms to hold me.

My blanket is enough. Finally.
I'm just bored though.

I guess I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I lost her once, lost her without telling her anything, everything.
I found her.
Got a second chance to tell her.
She replied, "oh my god...me too."

6 years of regret, only to be lifted away with a kiss.

There are good days and bad days.
Right now, I am somewhere inbetween.
I am having a great time with my friends, Some interesting expieriences with wemon, and work has finally slowed down. I just hope that she isn't dating anyone. That's what this whole fucking thing was about. For her to be single and recollect herself. If she doesn't try, she is going to...
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It's funny. The way the human mind can shield it's self from pain.
The mind of an addict can completly take over.

It's my day off and what do I do?
Start drinking and taking muscle relaxers when I wake up.

I have no money. I canceled on seeing my ex and all I want to do is fall back asleep. I just want it...
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I am writing this just to have it open, thank god no one reads this.
I know I am weak. I don't want to deal with anything. She can kill me me with a look or the lack of one.
I was trying to be sober. 12 hours. Weak. I have a feeling this is long from resovled, this pain will be here for awhile....
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So I really haven't updated latley.
Myspace gets first dibs.
I feel trapped between two things that should make me feel good. Work and girlfriend. That would nomally satisfiy. But that is all I have...I don't like that feeling.

2 more dayds of not drinking.
More of a detox than anything eles. I just have to only drink when I am out, instead of when I am out, or going to bed, or when I get home from work....
I am so close.

So I am still sick.
I saw Devin at the studio.
I love the new stuff.
I am busy.
I still am not really working on music.
I need money, organ donation???

I am going to be lazy.
Kill this cold.
Starve myself.
Look amazing.

Cheers to the choices that brought us here.