Well today I got some clothes in the mail that I had ordered. And I have to say that Im pretty happy with all of them. I really like all the stuff that I ordered. I really like this pair of jeans that I got. Anyway other then that not much is going on. My life pretty much sucks right now. I feel like im waiting around for something to happen and I hate it. I feel like im stuck and I cant go forward because I dont know where I would be going to anyway. It sucks because I have felt like this ever since I graduated. I have been debating the meaning of life alot though recently with myself. I dont know, I think I have come to the conclusion that there really is no purpose. Which makes me ask what the point is. Now dont get me wrong im not suicidal or anything but, I have to wonder about all these people talking about doing great things and I just wonder what the point is. Because when i comes time for us to die none of that shit will matter. So between now and death there is just stuff. And it really doesnt matter if I have alot of it or none of it. Money means nothing and happiness means everything.
I guess most of this has come from me writing my will. Im leaving to do a dangerous job in about a year so i figured i should start now. Its strange writing something that will be read after your death. How do you word it? Should it be in past or present tense? How do you not make it sound creepy, i mean your going to be a dead body in the room when it is read. Its going pretty well though, im sure I will change it before I leave though, I dont think it will ever be perfect. But then again who says it has to be. Its hard to write something that will be your final words to you loved ones. Nothing seems to fit right, none of the words seem to be enough.
I have had a strange feeling the last month or so. It is this lack of fear of dying. I realized that when it is your time thats it there is nothing you can do. Most of the time when people die they think they can fight it, but most of the time their wrong. I mean I have lived a good life, I have been loved, I have loved, and I have enjoyed all that I could. I mean sure there is still stuff I want to do, but thats just it, its just stuff. None of it really matters. There is a strange since of euphoria after your realize there is nothing to fear from death. You start to see life as people should. Just to slow down and really enjoy it. That there is very little in life to get all crazy about. Just enjoy the time you have, dont waste it. No matter how much we imortalize ourselves, death is waiting in the wing. And there is nothing to stop him. So when it comes your time dont think of all the shit you didnt get to do, think of all the wonderful things you got to do, and the people you did them with.
I guess most of this has come from me writing my will. Im leaving to do a dangerous job in about a year so i figured i should start now. Its strange writing something that will be read after your death. How do you word it? Should it be in past or present tense? How do you not make it sound creepy, i mean your going to be a dead body in the room when it is read. Its going pretty well though, im sure I will change it before I leave though, I dont think it will ever be perfect. But then again who says it has to be. Its hard to write something that will be your final words to you loved ones. Nothing seems to fit right, none of the words seem to be enough.
I have had a strange feeling the last month or so. It is this lack of fear of dying. I realized that when it is your time thats it there is nothing you can do. Most of the time when people die they think they can fight it, but most of the time their wrong. I mean I have lived a good life, I have been loved, I have loved, and I have enjoyed all that I could. I mean sure there is still stuff I want to do, but thats just it, its just stuff. None of it really matters. There is a strange since of euphoria after your realize there is nothing to fear from death. You start to see life as people should. Just to slow down and really enjoy it. That there is very little in life to get all crazy about. Just enjoy the time you have, dont waste it. No matter how much we imortalize ourselves, death is waiting in the wing. And there is nothing to stop him. So when it comes your time dont think of all the shit you didnt get to do, think of all the wonderful things you got to do, and the people you did them with.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
-buttons
I wanna camp in a snow cave, but I don't want to die, or even almost die. Almost dying sucks...and it's NEVER put my life in perspective. But maybe what I thought was a near death experience was just some pansy shit that I should totally have been able to deall with, without calling it "near death". lol.
yeah....im a nerd.