boundcreature

I got tired of seeing my previous update, but I have absolutely nothing to say. I'm pretty sleepy. palo and I came the closest we have come to breaking up so far two nights ago. It really sucked. A lot. She's a sweetheart and totally beautiful and, deep down, she is really kind and she's more intelligent than one would realize until you talk to her for a few weeks. And, she's just so fucking stubborn, that even as she has me asking jebustheimpaler to come and hit me in the back of the head with an ax I am still crazily crushing on her, because she is going toe-to-toe with me and she will not relent, nor give in, nor sacrifice even an ounce of what she feels is right. And, of course, neither will I... which only really means that we shouldn't have been so retarded about the way we were talking to each other in the first place and that, really, if she was in my bed we never would've started snapping at each other in the first place. It's weird, because all of the last five years I have done nothing but survive on personal strength, raw determination, resolve and brute force; all of which are going to contribute to me losing her if I can't teach myself patience and understanding and consideration. It makes sense when I think about it calmly and not all hot-headed; because how could I have a relationship of worth if it was only according to how I visualized it in my head? Or how she did? Logically, to create something new from the two of us, we need to each give-in, reshape and see new expression -- not bludgeon each other like ornery rams. So often, the punk in me will defy everything until I have nothing. Living on anger isn't healthy... it's so hard for me to be calm and patient, when I treat everything like a battle, because nothing is like I would've expected it to be (not her, life in general). Fuck, I just want to wake up with my face smushed into her neck and a delicate strand of drool running to her shoulder. The only thing better than seeing her naked is waking up next to her naked.

Is that so much to ask for? Really?

All that stuff I wrote about last time is so sweet and pretty and wonderful to be a part of and I really just need to mellow out a bit and keep touching her bum and watching Hitchcock movies and being a smartass with her because she is fucking great despite herself and every week that I have known her so far has turned out to be a week where I learned something about her that I didn't know that has made me like her even more.

***

I'm waiting on a check to arrive in the mail. A downpayment. If it does, I go to Pennsylvania for a few days and start some projects. If it doesn't, the client has fucked me for the last time. I wish I could count on something like this, but I refuse to accept it until it is here.

Words mean nothing when the speaker has no value.

***

Anyone who reads this journal and for some reason hasn't seen my girlfriend naked yet, should go tell her how beautiful she is and then buy a pretty garter from her for yourself, your signigant other, a sibling, your mom or a friendly neighbor. They're cheap and handcrafted with love. I would buy one if I had money. But, I would make jebustheimpaler wear it though, because that would just be funny.