The Great SG Boston Naval Battle of 2005
as retold by Boundcreature
The Delaware River was calm, some might say placid that day, as we filed expectantly into our raft. Six noble soldiers on vacation, expecting at first to float down the river in inner tubes, we were instead confronted with the harsh and not-entirely-welcome realization that we could not ride in individual tubes like the warriors of yesteryear, but that we would have to share a raft and, and... we would have to paddle!
As if chosen by this new fate, I immediately took command and led a small, but dedicated team to a six-person raft, they were:
ThePants, a reflective sometimes Taoist who took to the role of co-pilot naturally, despite his earlier (and completely erroneous) belief that because we were at the Delaware River Gap, we were in... Delware!
Palo, a land-lubbing wench whose beauty is matched only by her sarcasm... and her inability to row very hard. But still, her presence kept me sane and gave me the courage to push forward when other captains would've abandoned ship and plunged sea-ward to the great Davey Jones' locker.
TheFullNelson, a loyal and versatile shipmate who took just as easily to water-gun sniper duties as he did to rowing under the leadership of ThePants.
Maladjusted, whose strength and viking spirit held the rear of the ship together and ensured that our ship was swift and fearless.
AegisWings, who, ummm... had no problem diving into the river after an errant beer hit the water.
Our raft was the second to enter the river and we hustled forward until our followers were so much dust in our wake. We quickly assimilated to our new duties, developing a leadership pattern that saw ThePants and I controlling our speed and direction by communicating to the rowers behind each of us, through shouted commands.
We drifted peacefully along the Delware, admiring rocks, the slow current, the mountains, the trees and lamenting the lack of visible Indian encampments on the shore... when we suddenly realized that this was a very boring thing to be doing and that using paddles is for fucking lame-o's... so naturally, we came to lust for blood (and for the bounty of juice and beer that we knew was in the cooler of another boat, unfortunately for us, ours was filled with
Pepsi and Mountain Dew). We abruptly turned about and headed back upriver in search of conquest!
Quickly, we came upon an eight person raft, filled with a ragtag group of sailors, some accustomed to the water, some not. Under the leadership of Mylf and 7Deuce they had managed to stay ahead of one other ship in the fleet, but just barely. We were not intimidated by their speed, nor their ranks, their crew was filled out by: Pip, Finch, Geekgurl, Sid, with Alkaholic23, and Yillie bringing up the rear-guard.
Filled with bloodlust, our fleet took them head on, and, like berzerkers, we charged straight into their ship, with no fear of repercussions. Our rafts met in a head-on collision of exploding riverwater and screams of agony, as the inital speed of our strike was overtaken by the water-launching abilities of 7deuce. "REVERSE!" I screamed with all of my heart and my loyal crew quickly backed us out of the predicament, refocused and piled forward again, straight into their leaders... another nipple-shaking collision and again I shouted "REVERSE!"
A captain should never take shame in calling a retreat, but I found it difficult to look into the eyes of my crew and continue to lead them. It was the noble courage of Maladjusted, who reached into the water, grabbing after a dead catfish to lob at our enemies that gave me the strength to lead on.
Emboldened, I forged a new stratagem. I looked to ThePants and he nodded his agreement. Within seconds, our ship, sure-footed and swift came upon our enemy AND TOOK THEM FROM SURPRISE on the side that is not the starboard side. As ThePants and I built up our paddling to ensure a strong ramming speed, we quickly switched to water-heaving and water-gun fire, as TheFullNelson and Palo hid behind us and used their snipering skills to hit various members of their crew. If not for the quick thinking under fire of Yillie and Alkaholic23 their ship would've been ours; but, instead, we were pushed off and knocked off-course.
More brief skirmishes followed and a temporary cease-fire was established while we obtained juice and beer in exhange for our soda. As terms of the cease-fire, our competition settled from full-on agression into a race between our respective river-craft to our destination. And, while they may have been noble and valiant sea-fighters, they had not the speed nor organization to move their ship forward as we did.
"Left!" I shouted, and my team put oars to water, "Right!" ThePants shouted and his team responded in kind; we manuevered quickly and efficiently, at one time, bolstered by the confidence of Maladjusted we actually charted a course to circle fully around our enemy ship before overtaking them again.
In the end, Mylf swam to our ship to negotiate the terms of their surrender. Impressed by her courage under fire and noble character, we let her keep her ship and agreed to friendship. Too late, though, for mine own shipmate AegisWings had taken to the water for a friendly swim, only to be hit upside the head with a paddle, by the first mate of our new found ally: Pip. Way to go Gilligan
!
Once the whole of our fleet had docked, we took passage over land to our encampment and feasted as noble sea-warriors deserved to feast. And, that night, I took Palo, my North Star in the lonely night sky, to wash away the river water soaked into our skin, before returning to my makeshift tent, to ease our battle wounds in the tenderness of each others' touch...
And, so ends the first story of SGECC '05. This is exactly what happens when you give SG Boston rafts and paddles and do not provide supervision. I had never been on a raft before, but it was funny how well I led my crew (with ThePants), according to this site I did a pretty good job. I'll tell more stories this week, I'll try to update this faster until I get bored.
as retold by Boundcreature
The Delaware River was calm, some might say placid that day, as we filed expectantly into our raft. Six noble soldiers on vacation, expecting at first to float down the river in inner tubes, we were instead confronted with the harsh and not-entirely-welcome realization that we could not ride in individual tubes like the warriors of yesteryear, but that we would have to share a raft and, and... we would have to paddle!
As if chosen by this new fate, I immediately took command and led a small, but dedicated team to a six-person raft, they were:
ThePants, a reflective sometimes Taoist who took to the role of co-pilot naturally, despite his earlier (and completely erroneous) belief that because we were at the Delaware River Gap, we were in... Delware!
Palo, a land-lubbing wench whose beauty is matched only by her sarcasm... and her inability to row very hard. But still, her presence kept me sane and gave me the courage to push forward when other captains would've abandoned ship and plunged sea-ward to the great Davey Jones' locker.
TheFullNelson, a loyal and versatile shipmate who took just as easily to water-gun sniper duties as he did to rowing under the leadership of ThePants.
Maladjusted, whose strength and viking spirit held the rear of the ship together and ensured that our ship was swift and fearless.
AegisWings, who, ummm... had no problem diving into the river after an errant beer hit the water.
Our raft was the second to enter the river and we hustled forward until our followers were so much dust in our wake. We quickly assimilated to our new duties, developing a leadership pattern that saw ThePants and I controlling our speed and direction by communicating to the rowers behind each of us, through shouted commands.
We drifted peacefully along the Delware, admiring rocks, the slow current, the mountains, the trees and lamenting the lack of visible Indian encampments on the shore... when we suddenly realized that this was a very boring thing to be doing and that using paddles is for fucking lame-o's... so naturally, we came to lust for blood (and for the bounty of juice and beer that we knew was in the cooler of another boat, unfortunately for us, ours was filled with
Pepsi and Mountain Dew). We abruptly turned about and headed back upriver in search of conquest!
Quickly, we came upon an eight person raft, filled with a ragtag group of sailors, some accustomed to the water, some not. Under the leadership of Mylf and 7Deuce they had managed to stay ahead of one other ship in the fleet, but just barely. We were not intimidated by their speed, nor their ranks, their crew was filled out by: Pip, Finch, Geekgurl, Sid, with Alkaholic23, and Yillie bringing up the rear-guard.
Filled with bloodlust, our fleet took them head on, and, like berzerkers, we charged straight into their ship, with no fear of repercussions. Our rafts met in a head-on collision of exploding riverwater and screams of agony, as the inital speed of our strike was overtaken by the water-launching abilities of 7deuce. "REVERSE!" I screamed with all of my heart and my loyal crew quickly backed us out of the predicament, refocused and piled forward again, straight into their leaders... another nipple-shaking collision and again I shouted "REVERSE!"
A captain should never take shame in calling a retreat, but I found it difficult to look into the eyes of my crew and continue to lead them. It was the noble courage of Maladjusted, who reached into the water, grabbing after a dead catfish to lob at our enemies that gave me the strength to lead on.
Emboldened, I forged a new stratagem. I looked to ThePants and he nodded his agreement. Within seconds, our ship, sure-footed and swift came upon our enemy AND TOOK THEM FROM SURPRISE on the side that is not the starboard side. As ThePants and I built up our paddling to ensure a strong ramming speed, we quickly switched to water-heaving and water-gun fire, as TheFullNelson and Palo hid behind us and used their snipering skills to hit various members of their crew. If not for the quick thinking under fire of Yillie and Alkaholic23 their ship would've been ours; but, instead, we were pushed off and knocked off-course.
More brief skirmishes followed and a temporary cease-fire was established while we obtained juice and beer in exhange for our soda. As terms of the cease-fire, our competition settled from full-on agression into a race between our respective river-craft to our destination. And, while they may have been noble and valiant sea-fighters, they had not the speed nor organization to move their ship forward as we did.
"Left!" I shouted, and my team put oars to water, "Right!" ThePants shouted and his team responded in kind; we manuevered quickly and efficiently, at one time, bolstered by the confidence of Maladjusted we actually charted a course to circle fully around our enemy ship before overtaking them again.
In the end, Mylf swam to our ship to negotiate the terms of their surrender. Impressed by her courage under fire and noble character, we let her keep her ship and agreed to friendship. Too late, though, for mine own shipmate AegisWings had taken to the water for a friendly swim, only to be hit upside the head with a paddle, by the first mate of our new found ally: Pip. Way to go Gilligan
!
Once the whole of our fleet had docked, we took passage over land to our encampment and feasted as noble sea-warriors deserved to feast. And, that night, I took Palo, my North Star in the lonely night sky, to wash away the river water soaked into our skin, before returning to my makeshift tent, to ease our battle wounds in the tenderness of each others' touch...
And, so ends the first story of SGECC '05. This is exactly what happens when you give SG Boston rafts and paddles and do not provide supervision. I had never been on a raft before, but it was funny how well I led my crew (with ThePants), according to this site I did a pretty good job. I'll tell more stories this week, I'll try to update this faster until I get bored.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
That's funny they slept at your place too!!