And finally, it comes...
My Last Entry
by boundcreature
I meant to write this sooner; at first, out of anger and later out of a need to close this chapter of my life and move onto the next. A rational desire not to hurt anyones feelings in their entirety diffused the former and being wrapped up in school and work, the latter. My apologies.
I joined this site to look at girls with tattoos and different colored hair without their clothes on. That was my sole purpose. I had no idea a community even existed. I really only sort of understood the concept of online communities at the time (a girlfriend a few years previous had a live journal account that she passive-aggressively baited me with in the closing weeks of our relationship). Online communities, in my head, were a place for useless bullshit that nobody felt like saying in person.
Within a few days I found the blog feature and started to sort of write in it. Then people read what I was writing, so I wrote more often and longer. Then it seemed like people enjoyed what I wrote, so then I put more effort into it and before you know it, writing in the blog is a reason to sign onto the site every day when seeing yet another naked eighteen year old girl in her dorm room in front of a shit metal or pop punk band poster just doesnt seem to have the drawing power that someone obviously thought it should. So, even though I was unimpressed with the sets for about six months I really dug the blogging. Meeting SGBoston and attending the SG East Coast Camping Trip in 2004 brought me into the community.
At the time, there seemed like a wealth of interesting people who are now gone or only sort of active. These people I would run into all of the time when I was out and they also turned out to be interesting people in the scene up here. Now, almost two years later it seems that I am in the midst of a different crop of people. For the most part, I am uninterested, bored and jaded. The people on my friends list who were interesting enough to keep up with, I follow, wherever they may be. The people who have let me crash at their house or who have slept on my couch; we have each others numbers and we hope to see each other soon. There are only a few people here that I cant stand (more on this later) but for the most part, I dont see any benefit to continuing as a part of this community when I already keep in touch with the great people Ive already met here. As for the rest, if we are casual acquaintances or you just enjoy reading what I write, you can follow me onto my next website, because for a couple of reasons, my time here is finished.
I do not feel the same about this site as I once did. Dating a SuicideGirl almost certainly had something to do with that. For those who know me, for any of the girls who read this that have slept in my bed and made it through the night unmolested (whether they wanted to or not
), I pride myself on being a decent guy. Its the only way I know how to be. I have high standards for myself, and because of the low standards commonly set by my fellow 18 34 year old males I end up looking pretty damned good at the end of the day. With that said, its pretty obvious that most of the guys on this site are creepy fucks. Many of the ones who arent are already on my friends list. As it is, there are probably one hundred I like your tits grabby-handed idiots for every TheFullNelson. I do not associate with people whom I cannot respect or tolerate. Just because I may have listened to you talk and not punched you in the face doesnt mean I associate with you. Luckily, I havent met most of the creepy guys on this site. They probably arent the type to, yknow, meet people in daylight.
Where this gets tricky and personal, is learning from multiple sources that the SuicideGirls are encouraged to not mention or downplay their relationships or significant others. The purpose of this is obviously to make them seem accessible and available. Obviously, if Quinne was single, there would be a chance that I could hook up with her, right? Because really, the only barrier to (insert your name here) hooking up with Quinne is that she might be with someone else, otherwise (insert your name here) would be the next in line, oh yes! Now, this is not an issue of jealousy. Jealousy is when you feel that your partner is giving more affection to someone or something beside yourself. A bunch of anonymous strangers telling your girlfriend she has nice tits is not the grounds for jealousy. It is a much larger issue:
By requesting that SuicideGirls censor themselves in their journal the owners of this site limit the ability of the girls to express themselves completely and freely and distort the image of the girls in the minds of the members. What could be an open forum for a supposed liberated sexual figure to explore her individuality, femininity and sexuality is instead a compromised liability. The SuicideGirl is carefully manipulated for maximum objectification. Those who think they are liberated may be deceiving themselves.
It may also, in turn hurt the relationship they have with their partner as what should be (depending on the level of the relationship) the most important person in their life must take a back seat to the fantasies or random 38 year old guys who have not yet managed to learn how to spell.
Of course, this does not go for all girls. There are (thankfully) a number of SuicideGirls who should probably go by SuicideWomen and a number of girls whose heads arent up their arses. It is my opinion that a great many girls substitute the praise of strangers for the healthy, legitimate affection and approval they are denied elsewhere in life. This by no means goes for all girls on the site. Its just a general impression I get.
Which leads me to my next point. Most of the girls on this site ceased to impress me mere moments after I met them or shortly after I read through their journal entries. Once again, this is not meant to go for all of them. There are a couple of SuicideGirls I know personally that mean a great deal to me and I dont intend to be hurtful for no reason. The point I want to make is that this website is more likely to engender a girl with low self-esteem making an ass out of herself in girls gone wild fashion than a comfortable woman exploring her sexuality in an exhibitionist nature.
I cant say that the East Coast Camping Trip 2005 didnt have an effect on this opinion. The extremely depressing displays at the unofficial SG cabaret events didnt help either. There is nothing in the world that is sexy about an insecure girl trying to dance with tape on her boobs. Some girls can light a fire with the confidence in their presence, others just want attention. The number of SuicideGirls who want attention and to fill a void of affection is far higher than the number of SuicideGirls who are legitimately expressing themselves or creating a vehicle for their artistic, intellectual or cultural endeavors. It is my belief that this is due to the sheer volume of girls on this website and the staffs inconsistency in selecting SuicideGirls that have more to offer than a set of tits. If this was just another porn site, it wouldnt be a big deal, but the people behind this website constantly go out of their way to claim that it is something more. Perhaps a girl with little self-esteem who didnt receive the affection and understanding she deserved in her life can use SuicideGirls as a vehicle to build a new sense of self-worth; my only lament is that she is building on the merits of her nude body and not her mind, personality or talent.
A few weeks ago I broke up with Janice. We knew the relationship wasnt going to work the way that we wished it would, but we were still together out of personal comfort and friendship. Early on, if you remember, we had a couple of fights and very nearly didnt make it past the three-month mark. These fights were because of my refusal to accept her conduct in the past as a part of our relationship. She had the free choice of breaking up with me or limiting those aspects of her acting out, her unhealthy need (in my opinion) for attention. It is clear that she felt having a relationship with me was more important than flashing sports fans after a Red Sox game. We had more arguments about sexuality, comfort with ones self and a number of other topics that are not my right to discuss. What I can tell you is that like most gorgeous girls her age most of the guys in her life never took the time to really give a shit. The night of the break-up, I couldnt sleep and she, in her sleepy daze was telling me about a party she was at and mentioned that Kayla lifted up her (Jancie's) shirt in front of a bunch of people. I took this to mean that she was screwing around with Kayla for the benefit of a couple of idiots watching and went to sleep on the couch. As she was half-asleep, she couldnt explain anything any further. I broke up with her that morning.
The next night we got back together for the sole reason that she didnt want our relationship to end on those circumstances: anger and disappointment. She said she didnt understand how I could break up with her for something she didnt do. As she clarified, I came to understand that Kayla took it upon herself to assume that Janice was the same type of attention-starved child that she is. Whether or not this is truthful, I could care less. I told her that being in that company and allowing it to happen is enough of a guilty verdict as far as Im concerned. But, the circumstance was such that its better to leave happy then hurt.
In my eyes, Janice was always so much more than a set of tits. For me to date her this long I needed something more. Sure, shes gorgeous, has nearly perfect breasts (sorry, perfect breasts) and smells fabulous; but as many of you know, she is also intelligent, photographically-talented (on both sides of the camera), caring and trustworthy. She means a lot to me and it hurts me like hell inside anytime she doesnt have the respect for herself that I do. Anytime she lets it slip that she fits right in acting like a whore, it hurts me to think of her like that. All I want for her is to find the right guy after me, someone who treats her pretty, listens to what she says and gives great head. A girl as talented and caring doesnt need to rely on loser guys for a self-esteem boost.
Kayla, as far as Im concerned, is a good person deep down, but mustve been way too fucking damaged at some point growing up to operate properly. Shes talented and cute and makes probably the best fucking pizza Ive ever had; but shes looking for some kind of approval in every person who looks her way. When she doesnt get exactly what she wants handed to her, she starts screaming. None of this matters though, because I would go out of my way to try to be her friend if SHE DIDNT TALK SO MUCH SHIT. Anytime I had something bad to say about her (in private) Janice defended her. EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. TIME. Not a week after Kayla nearly wrecks our relationship with her bullshit hey-look-at-my-boobs-I-need-attention-behavior shes at another party saying terrible and hurtful things about Janice that quite quickly got back to her and hurt her feelings. What goes around comes around little one and someone who talks so much shit obviously deserves the constant string of tragedies that you write about on a nearly daily basis. My patience for you is gone. I think more highly of you than one would expect, but it is your own behavior that kills my tolerance.
Winding down now, I feel its at least worthwhile to mention the situation that made the incident with Kayla volatile enough for me to walk away. It took place at a party held by a guy she knows I dont like and she goes out of her way to defend even though she agrees that I am being truthful about all of the reasons I dont like him. Like I said earlier, I hold guys to a higher standard so if you read this and you think, hey Id do the same in that guys situation then fuck you and dont ever talk to me. A few months ago Janice met Mike out with a couple of people in SGBoston. I wasnt there because I was tired and we were having some insignificant argument about something or other. From what I was told, the creepy fuck was all touchy feely with her all night, but the worst part, is that he pulled the bullshit knight in shining armor routine with her when he knew that she and I were fighting. Telling her that Im an asshole and she should find someone better and all of that shit. Not even knowing what the real issues were, nor how I treat her or what goes on between us. He was just a fucking opportunist, clearing the way to set himself up.
So, after learning all of this stuff, I got pissed off and she GOT MAD AT ME. He took a set of nude photos of her and she showed them to me. I knew it meant a lot to her and they were very good photos, so I swallowed my pride and anger and wrote him an email telling him how great the photos were. I tried to be the bigger guy. Not two weeks later, shes having dinner and watching a movie at his house and he asks her to cuddle with him. What. The. Fuck.
This became a source of a dispute between us; she says that because she said, no, I have no right to be mad. I say, that because she hangs out with a creepy douche my opinion of her is lessened.
Anyway, he found out that I wanted to hit him and then wrote a journal entry about how he wouldnt sleep with her (worded in such a way that it assumes she would spread her legs for him if he asked). How fucking insulting is that? That he puts her in the same category of the other little girls he impresses with his camera and videos for shitty hardcore bands. Christ, its cool to be proud of what you do, but dont be a creepy fucking tool who uses it to try and get laid because you have no personality or style.
So, I guess to wrap this up. Hes a piece of shit. If this gets back to you or you read this and you still feel (like you told Aron while you were drunk) that you want to fight me, fine. I really dont like talking shit on the internet, but I never see you in person and it seems wrong to go to your house just to tell you youre a piece of shit, so I apologize for this being in a fucking blog. If I never see your face and I forget you exist, that is quite fine by me. If, however, we do end up in the same place and you actually want to fight me I will let you hit me twice before I knock you out. Janice has every right to continue being friends with you and I have no right to interfere with that. The fact that I do think less of her for continuing this friendship with you is neither of your concerns.
And, finally (raise your hand if you read this far)...
I dont feel like this site is what it claims to be. My final point being that this is supposedly a punk site; but there is not a single goddamn thing that is punk rock about self-censoring bondage photos on your own site and being unwilling to stand up for your own first amendment rights to display images of consenting adults to consenting adults. The government can tell you to do whatever you want if you listen to them. The idea of a democracy is that you have the responsibility to defend your rights. In this regard, SuicideGirls is not nearly as punk rock as Larry Flynt.
The first one of you who comments to any of these points with its just business is dead to me. Running a business is not a justification, its an excuse to exploit and make money.
Just now of course, the naked girls have been looking great and Ill probably just go anonymous in a day or two (assuming I dont get zotted). I joined to look at naked girls with tattoos and piercings and thats what Ill do. I hope I didnt hurt any feelings and I didnt mean to. I said what had to be said so I could walk away from this place without any baggage. This is not meant to be a damning indictment of all of the girls as a whole.
If you want to keep reading what I write, go to www.wmboheroes.com; Im almost finished with the redesign of the blog and it will be much cooler in there. Im going to start writing full-time about being an artist and trying to change the way things are done.
Thank you and Good Night,
Jordan Giarratano aka
boundcreature aka
BuckyKatt666
My Last Entry
by boundcreature
I meant to write this sooner; at first, out of anger and later out of a need to close this chapter of my life and move onto the next. A rational desire not to hurt anyones feelings in their entirety diffused the former and being wrapped up in school and work, the latter. My apologies.
I joined this site to look at girls with tattoos and different colored hair without their clothes on. That was my sole purpose. I had no idea a community even existed. I really only sort of understood the concept of online communities at the time (a girlfriend a few years previous had a live journal account that she passive-aggressively baited me with in the closing weeks of our relationship). Online communities, in my head, were a place for useless bullshit that nobody felt like saying in person.
Within a few days I found the blog feature and started to sort of write in it. Then people read what I was writing, so I wrote more often and longer. Then it seemed like people enjoyed what I wrote, so then I put more effort into it and before you know it, writing in the blog is a reason to sign onto the site every day when seeing yet another naked eighteen year old girl in her dorm room in front of a shit metal or pop punk band poster just doesnt seem to have the drawing power that someone obviously thought it should. So, even though I was unimpressed with the sets for about six months I really dug the blogging. Meeting SGBoston and attending the SG East Coast Camping Trip in 2004 brought me into the community.
At the time, there seemed like a wealth of interesting people who are now gone or only sort of active. These people I would run into all of the time when I was out and they also turned out to be interesting people in the scene up here. Now, almost two years later it seems that I am in the midst of a different crop of people. For the most part, I am uninterested, bored and jaded. The people on my friends list who were interesting enough to keep up with, I follow, wherever they may be. The people who have let me crash at their house or who have slept on my couch; we have each others numbers and we hope to see each other soon. There are only a few people here that I cant stand (more on this later) but for the most part, I dont see any benefit to continuing as a part of this community when I already keep in touch with the great people Ive already met here. As for the rest, if we are casual acquaintances or you just enjoy reading what I write, you can follow me onto my next website, because for a couple of reasons, my time here is finished.
I do not feel the same about this site as I once did. Dating a SuicideGirl almost certainly had something to do with that. For those who know me, for any of the girls who read this that have slept in my bed and made it through the night unmolested (whether they wanted to or not
), I pride myself on being a decent guy. Its the only way I know how to be. I have high standards for myself, and because of the low standards commonly set by my fellow 18 34 year old males I end up looking pretty damned good at the end of the day. With that said, its pretty obvious that most of the guys on this site are creepy fucks. Many of the ones who arent are already on my friends list. As it is, there are probably one hundred I like your tits grabby-handed idiots for every TheFullNelson. I do not associate with people whom I cannot respect or tolerate. Just because I may have listened to you talk and not punched you in the face doesnt mean I associate with you. Luckily, I havent met most of the creepy guys on this site. They probably arent the type to, yknow, meet people in daylight.
Where this gets tricky and personal, is learning from multiple sources that the SuicideGirls are encouraged to not mention or downplay their relationships or significant others. The purpose of this is obviously to make them seem accessible and available. Obviously, if Quinne was single, there would be a chance that I could hook up with her, right? Because really, the only barrier to (insert your name here) hooking up with Quinne is that she might be with someone else, otherwise (insert your name here) would be the next in line, oh yes! Now, this is not an issue of jealousy. Jealousy is when you feel that your partner is giving more affection to someone or something beside yourself. A bunch of anonymous strangers telling your girlfriend she has nice tits is not the grounds for jealousy. It is a much larger issue:
By requesting that SuicideGirls censor themselves in their journal the owners of this site limit the ability of the girls to express themselves completely and freely and distort the image of the girls in the minds of the members. What could be an open forum for a supposed liberated sexual figure to explore her individuality, femininity and sexuality is instead a compromised liability. The SuicideGirl is carefully manipulated for maximum objectification. Those who think they are liberated may be deceiving themselves.
It may also, in turn hurt the relationship they have with their partner as what should be (depending on the level of the relationship) the most important person in their life must take a back seat to the fantasies or random 38 year old guys who have not yet managed to learn how to spell.
Of course, this does not go for all girls. There are (thankfully) a number of SuicideGirls who should probably go by SuicideWomen and a number of girls whose heads arent up their arses. It is my opinion that a great many girls substitute the praise of strangers for the healthy, legitimate affection and approval they are denied elsewhere in life. This by no means goes for all girls on the site. Its just a general impression I get.
Which leads me to my next point. Most of the girls on this site ceased to impress me mere moments after I met them or shortly after I read through their journal entries. Once again, this is not meant to go for all of them. There are a couple of SuicideGirls I know personally that mean a great deal to me and I dont intend to be hurtful for no reason. The point I want to make is that this website is more likely to engender a girl with low self-esteem making an ass out of herself in girls gone wild fashion than a comfortable woman exploring her sexuality in an exhibitionist nature.
I cant say that the East Coast Camping Trip 2005 didnt have an effect on this opinion. The extremely depressing displays at the unofficial SG cabaret events didnt help either. There is nothing in the world that is sexy about an insecure girl trying to dance with tape on her boobs. Some girls can light a fire with the confidence in their presence, others just want attention. The number of SuicideGirls who want attention and to fill a void of affection is far higher than the number of SuicideGirls who are legitimately expressing themselves or creating a vehicle for their artistic, intellectual or cultural endeavors. It is my belief that this is due to the sheer volume of girls on this website and the staffs inconsistency in selecting SuicideGirls that have more to offer than a set of tits. If this was just another porn site, it wouldnt be a big deal, but the people behind this website constantly go out of their way to claim that it is something more. Perhaps a girl with little self-esteem who didnt receive the affection and understanding she deserved in her life can use SuicideGirls as a vehicle to build a new sense of self-worth; my only lament is that she is building on the merits of her nude body and not her mind, personality or talent.
A few weeks ago I broke up with Janice. We knew the relationship wasnt going to work the way that we wished it would, but we were still together out of personal comfort and friendship. Early on, if you remember, we had a couple of fights and very nearly didnt make it past the three-month mark. These fights were because of my refusal to accept her conduct in the past as a part of our relationship. She had the free choice of breaking up with me or limiting those aspects of her acting out, her unhealthy need (in my opinion) for attention. It is clear that she felt having a relationship with me was more important than flashing sports fans after a Red Sox game. We had more arguments about sexuality, comfort with ones self and a number of other topics that are not my right to discuss. What I can tell you is that like most gorgeous girls her age most of the guys in her life never took the time to really give a shit. The night of the break-up, I couldnt sleep and she, in her sleepy daze was telling me about a party she was at and mentioned that Kayla lifted up her (Jancie's) shirt in front of a bunch of people. I took this to mean that she was screwing around with Kayla for the benefit of a couple of idiots watching and went to sleep on the couch. As she was half-asleep, she couldnt explain anything any further. I broke up with her that morning.
The next night we got back together for the sole reason that she didnt want our relationship to end on those circumstances: anger and disappointment. She said she didnt understand how I could break up with her for something she didnt do. As she clarified, I came to understand that Kayla took it upon herself to assume that Janice was the same type of attention-starved child that she is. Whether or not this is truthful, I could care less. I told her that being in that company and allowing it to happen is enough of a guilty verdict as far as Im concerned. But, the circumstance was such that its better to leave happy then hurt.
In my eyes, Janice was always so much more than a set of tits. For me to date her this long I needed something more. Sure, shes gorgeous, has nearly perfect breasts (sorry, perfect breasts) and smells fabulous; but as many of you know, she is also intelligent, photographically-talented (on both sides of the camera), caring and trustworthy. She means a lot to me and it hurts me like hell inside anytime she doesnt have the respect for herself that I do. Anytime she lets it slip that she fits right in acting like a whore, it hurts me to think of her like that. All I want for her is to find the right guy after me, someone who treats her pretty, listens to what she says and gives great head. A girl as talented and caring doesnt need to rely on loser guys for a self-esteem boost.
Kayla, as far as Im concerned, is a good person deep down, but mustve been way too fucking damaged at some point growing up to operate properly. Shes talented and cute and makes probably the best fucking pizza Ive ever had; but shes looking for some kind of approval in every person who looks her way. When she doesnt get exactly what she wants handed to her, she starts screaming. None of this matters though, because I would go out of my way to try to be her friend if SHE DIDNT TALK SO MUCH SHIT. Anytime I had something bad to say about her (in private) Janice defended her. EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. TIME. Not a week after Kayla nearly wrecks our relationship with her bullshit hey-look-at-my-boobs-I-need-attention-behavior shes at another party saying terrible and hurtful things about Janice that quite quickly got back to her and hurt her feelings. What goes around comes around little one and someone who talks so much shit obviously deserves the constant string of tragedies that you write about on a nearly daily basis. My patience for you is gone. I think more highly of you than one would expect, but it is your own behavior that kills my tolerance.
Winding down now, I feel its at least worthwhile to mention the situation that made the incident with Kayla volatile enough for me to walk away. It took place at a party held by a guy she knows I dont like and she goes out of her way to defend even though she agrees that I am being truthful about all of the reasons I dont like him. Like I said earlier, I hold guys to a higher standard so if you read this and you think, hey Id do the same in that guys situation then fuck you and dont ever talk to me. A few months ago Janice met Mike out with a couple of people in SGBoston. I wasnt there because I was tired and we were having some insignificant argument about something or other. From what I was told, the creepy fuck was all touchy feely with her all night, but the worst part, is that he pulled the bullshit knight in shining armor routine with her when he knew that she and I were fighting. Telling her that Im an asshole and she should find someone better and all of that shit. Not even knowing what the real issues were, nor how I treat her or what goes on between us. He was just a fucking opportunist, clearing the way to set himself up.
So, after learning all of this stuff, I got pissed off and she GOT MAD AT ME. He took a set of nude photos of her and she showed them to me. I knew it meant a lot to her and they were very good photos, so I swallowed my pride and anger and wrote him an email telling him how great the photos were. I tried to be the bigger guy. Not two weeks later, shes having dinner and watching a movie at his house and he asks her to cuddle with him. What. The. Fuck.
This became a source of a dispute between us; she says that because she said, no, I have no right to be mad. I say, that because she hangs out with a creepy douche my opinion of her is lessened.
Anyway, he found out that I wanted to hit him and then wrote a journal entry about how he wouldnt sleep with her (worded in such a way that it assumes she would spread her legs for him if he asked). How fucking insulting is that? That he puts her in the same category of the other little girls he impresses with his camera and videos for shitty hardcore bands. Christ, its cool to be proud of what you do, but dont be a creepy fucking tool who uses it to try and get laid because you have no personality or style.
So, I guess to wrap this up. Hes a piece of shit. If this gets back to you or you read this and you still feel (like you told Aron while you were drunk) that you want to fight me, fine. I really dont like talking shit on the internet, but I never see you in person and it seems wrong to go to your house just to tell you youre a piece of shit, so I apologize for this being in a fucking blog. If I never see your face and I forget you exist, that is quite fine by me. If, however, we do end up in the same place and you actually want to fight me I will let you hit me twice before I knock you out. Janice has every right to continue being friends with you and I have no right to interfere with that. The fact that I do think less of her for continuing this friendship with you is neither of your concerns.
And, finally (raise your hand if you read this far)...
I dont feel like this site is what it claims to be. My final point being that this is supposedly a punk site; but there is not a single goddamn thing that is punk rock about self-censoring bondage photos on your own site and being unwilling to stand up for your own first amendment rights to display images of consenting adults to consenting adults. The government can tell you to do whatever you want if you listen to them. The idea of a democracy is that you have the responsibility to defend your rights. In this regard, SuicideGirls is not nearly as punk rock as Larry Flynt.
The first one of you who comments to any of these points with its just business is dead to me. Running a business is not a justification, its an excuse to exploit and make money.
Just now of course, the naked girls have been looking great and Ill probably just go anonymous in a day or two (assuming I dont get zotted). I joined to look at naked girls with tattoos and piercings and thats what Ill do. I hope I didnt hurt any feelings and I didnt mean to. I said what had to be said so I could walk away from this place without any baggage. This is not meant to be a damning indictment of all of the girls as a whole.
If you want to keep reading what I write, go to www.wmboheroes.com; Im almost finished with the redesign of the blog and it will be much cooler in there. Im going to start writing full-time about being an artist and trying to change the way things are done.
Thank you and Good Night,
Jordan Giarratano aka
boundcreature aka
BuckyKatt666
VIEW 25 of 30 COMMENTS
In this regard, SuicideGirls is not nearly as punk rock as Larry Flynt.
As for the rest, I don't know you, but you have my sympathies. Better fortunes in your future!
(edited because I'm 37 and have only almost learned to spell!
[Edited on Mar 19, 2006 10:44PM]