So many people come and go around here and I've been out of it for a few weeks now so most of you probably didn't even notice that I was MIA.
Shortly after I got back from Greenville, SC and a community service trip I had to rush back to Albany to be with my family as my mother's partner of 20 years had stopped breathing and was in a comma. Jim had been diagnosed with lung cancer last March and he has now lost a horrible battle. My mother was there to the very last moment when he collapsed in the kitchen. She attempted CPR after calling 911. CPR doesn't really work any way but she tried and now feels like she did it wrong.
This all occurred in the wee hours of Sunday morning April 1. It was a long week. There was no brain activity and we turned off the ventilator on Monday late afternoon. He passed away early Tuesday morning.
I was asked by his mother to give the eulogy. I did. I received complements on what I had to say and my delivery. Not that it matters much.
Now the real bullshit begins. Let this be a lesson to all of you that live in "partnership." New York State does not recognize "common law" marriage. My mother was not married to Jim but they shared a home and their lives for 20 years and now she may be left with nothing. If she gets anything to help her into the next stage of her life it will be after an ugly and protracted and expensive fight with his children and his siblings.
His family lied to us all of last week. Telling us things would be fine and that my mother's interests and needs would be respected. Then yesterday morning, just a little more that 24 hours after we buried the man she loved, his sons and brother arrived with tractor-trailers while she was at work and starting hauling away his equipment and machines. These might be valued in the $500,000 range. They didn't even have the courtesy to call and arrange this. The police were called and the lawsuits have begun.
Isn't enough that we have to morn the loss of someone we love? I hope I die with nothing. Now we'll be embroiled in a long and ugly legal dispute that could very well eat up all the value of the assets in legal fees. What is the point? There has been no effort to discuss the matter with my mother. We are reasonable people. She helped run his business and his household for 20 years and she is being provided no respect.
She is insulted further that he didn't even leave her a copy of his will. Nor did he ever let her see it. He may have screwed her over in a very large way. She has been caring for this man for 20 years. Five years ago she saw him through colon caner. For the last year she has jeopardized her own health and employment to care for him night and day as he battled lung cancer. Could my worst fears be true? Was he avoiding showing her the will because he knew he was screwing her over but he knew he needed her care? Was it so bad that he knew she would leave if she saw it? Did he exploit her love and her trust?
Protect yourself. Know the laws. Document your controbutions.
Shortly after I got back from Greenville, SC and a community service trip I had to rush back to Albany to be with my family as my mother's partner of 20 years had stopped breathing and was in a comma. Jim had been diagnosed with lung cancer last March and he has now lost a horrible battle. My mother was there to the very last moment when he collapsed in the kitchen. She attempted CPR after calling 911. CPR doesn't really work any way but she tried and now feels like she did it wrong.
This all occurred in the wee hours of Sunday morning April 1. It was a long week. There was no brain activity and we turned off the ventilator on Monday late afternoon. He passed away early Tuesday morning.
I was asked by his mother to give the eulogy. I did. I received complements on what I had to say and my delivery. Not that it matters much.
Now the real bullshit begins. Let this be a lesson to all of you that live in "partnership." New York State does not recognize "common law" marriage. My mother was not married to Jim but they shared a home and their lives for 20 years and now she may be left with nothing. If she gets anything to help her into the next stage of her life it will be after an ugly and protracted and expensive fight with his children and his siblings.
His family lied to us all of last week. Telling us things would be fine and that my mother's interests and needs would be respected. Then yesterday morning, just a little more that 24 hours after we buried the man she loved, his sons and brother arrived with tractor-trailers while she was at work and starting hauling away his equipment and machines. These might be valued in the $500,000 range. They didn't even have the courtesy to call and arrange this. The police were called and the lawsuits have begun.
Isn't enough that we have to morn the loss of someone we love? I hope I die with nothing. Now we'll be embroiled in a long and ugly legal dispute that could very well eat up all the value of the assets in legal fees. What is the point? There has been no effort to discuss the matter with my mother. We are reasonable people. She helped run his business and his household for 20 years and she is being provided no respect.
She is insulted further that he didn't even leave her a copy of his will. Nor did he ever let her see it. He may have screwed her over in a very large way. She has been caring for this man for 20 years. Five years ago she saw him through colon caner. For the last year she has jeopardized her own health and employment to care for him night and day as he battled lung cancer. Could my worst fears be true? Was he avoiding showing her the will because he knew he was screwing her over but he knew he needed her care? Was it so bad that he knew she would leave if she saw it? Did he exploit her love and her trust?
Protect yourself. Know the laws. Document your controbutions.