ya know, its funny. i bitch and moan about my job and how much i hate it and im sick a' drivin' an all that, and now that iv'e ost my job and i can't drive, i wish i could go to work more than anything else.
so its the saturday after thanksgiving and im in the grocery store at 12:30 pm all hung over and shit, but im really excited to be going upstate for buck season. lord knows how much i like killin' small woodland creatures and then consuming their flesh like some sort of ravenous gerbil. im pickin' up a few things for the rest of the week, and except for this splitting fuckin' headache, everythings cool! so, im at the deli counter and i order two pounds of american chees, sliced extra thin (that stands out for some reason). so as they're doin my shit up, i wander over to the prepared foods tray, and i'm lookin' at this pork roast. now i havent eatan today yet, and im real fuckin' hungry, and this pot roast is lookin real good. i thinks to maself,"damn, smells really fuckin good. i think im 'onna get me that!"
so i come to somewhere with this big sonofabitch pressin' me down and yellin. and im swingin'in at 'em and im screamin',"get off me you sonofabitch! you fuckin' cocksucker! i gotta go upstate! i gotta go derr huntin'! get the fuck off me!". and then i black out again.
so i wake up strapped to a gurny in a hospital(all of which i now officially hate) with an i.v. drippin' some shit into my arm, not knowin' what the fuck is gin' on. so, predictably, i yell,"where thefuck am i? who are you people? what the fuck happened?"
"doctor, he's awake.", some jaggoff says. so apperently i had a seizure, caused by absolutly no medical reason they can give me even after a four day hospital stay, meeting with 5 different neurologists, a battery of tests and jumpin' through flaming fucking hoops. under pennsylvania state law, if one is one who has seizures, then said idividual loses their liscencse for not less than six months or six months frpm the time of the last seizure. which means i lose my job, and my liscens. fuckin' nice! oh i know what yer thinkin'.
"shit, joe. you aint got no job, you aint got no wheels. you love booze. you should get smashed and stay that way!"
naw. im now on an anti-seizure medication called dilantin. this medication makes you a loopy sonofabitch and does a number on yer liver. sounds just like booze, right? sort of. since i bin on it i fall down a lot and walk into a lot of walls, buts thats as close to bein drunk as i can get, 'cause dilantin mixed with alcohol in even trace amounts (let alone the copious helpings i take) is like pourin' nitric acid on yer shitter, which means no sauce for me till at least the middle of march, when i MIGHT be able to come off of it. ya know when the doctor was tellin me all this, i thought to myself," damn, i need to go get sloshed!". then i thought,"o, wait................fuck!"
i fucking love it!!!!
so its the saturday after thanksgiving and im in the grocery store at 12:30 pm all hung over and shit, but im really excited to be going upstate for buck season. lord knows how much i like killin' small woodland creatures and then consuming their flesh like some sort of ravenous gerbil. im pickin' up a few things for the rest of the week, and except for this splitting fuckin' headache, everythings cool! so, im at the deli counter and i order two pounds of american chees, sliced extra thin (that stands out for some reason). so as they're doin my shit up, i wander over to the prepared foods tray, and i'm lookin' at this pork roast. now i havent eatan today yet, and im real fuckin' hungry, and this pot roast is lookin real good. i thinks to maself,"damn, smells really fuckin good. i think im 'onna get me that!"
so i come to somewhere with this big sonofabitch pressin' me down and yellin. and im swingin'in at 'em and im screamin',"get off me you sonofabitch! you fuckin' cocksucker! i gotta go upstate! i gotta go derr huntin'! get the fuck off me!". and then i black out again.
so i wake up strapped to a gurny in a hospital(all of which i now officially hate) with an i.v. drippin' some shit into my arm, not knowin' what the fuck is gin' on. so, predictably, i yell,"where thefuck am i? who are you people? what the fuck happened?"
"doctor, he's awake.", some jaggoff says. so apperently i had a seizure, caused by absolutly no medical reason they can give me even after a four day hospital stay, meeting with 5 different neurologists, a battery of tests and jumpin' through flaming fucking hoops. under pennsylvania state law, if one is one who has seizures, then said idividual loses their liscencse for not less than six months or six months frpm the time of the last seizure. which means i lose my job, and my liscens. fuckin' nice! oh i know what yer thinkin'.
"shit, joe. you aint got no job, you aint got no wheels. you love booze. you should get smashed and stay that way!"
naw. im now on an anti-seizure medication called dilantin. this medication makes you a loopy sonofabitch and does a number on yer liver. sounds just like booze, right? sort of. since i bin on it i fall down a lot and walk into a lot of walls, buts thats as close to bein drunk as i can get, 'cause dilantin mixed with alcohol in even trace amounts (let alone the copious helpings i take) is like pourin' nitric acid on yer shitter, which means no sauce for me till at least the middle of march, when i MIGHT be able to come off of it. ya know when the doctor was tellin me all this, i thought to myself," damn, i need to go get sloshed!". then i thought,"o, wait................fuck!"
i fucking love it!!!!
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
sorry i haven't even checked yet. dammit i need to go on pollstar and look for shows. thanks for taking the quiz too, i had a lot of fun making that one up.