SUBJECT: HOW TO DUMP A MAN / WOMAN
Dear____________________________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. / Mrs. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself failed to make the final cut.
I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason's you were disqualified from the competition.
I've checked those that apply...
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___ The fact that our dining experiences to date has left my pocket a little lighter, and your pants a little tighter.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy contraceptives / condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, I.E., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
___ Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine.
___ You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck problem from trying to kiss you.
___ You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
___ I find your inability to cook / fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals to me an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase " My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your EX... lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___ Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I'm seeking in a long-term partner.
___ Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
___ I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
___ I am not impressed with your ability to catch squirrels and other small wildlife with your hair.
___ Backing up to the fire in order to fart in the hope that you will actually create some explosion is not a quality i find amusing.. unless you actually succeeded!!!!!!!!
Sincerely______________________________________
(sign name here)
Feel free to add to the list, let me know....
BOOTS......
Dear____________________________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. / Mrs. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself failed to make the final cut.
I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason's you were disqualified from the competition.
I've checked those that apply...
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___ The fact that our dining experiences to date has left my pocket a little lighter, and your pants a little tighter.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy contraceptives / condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, I.E., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
___ Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine.
___ You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck problem from trying to kiss you.
___ You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
___ I find your inability to cook / fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals to me an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase " My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your EX... lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___ Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I'm seeking in a long-term partner.
___ Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
___ I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
___ I am not impressed with your ability to catch squirrels and other small wildlife with your hair.
___ Backing up to the fire in order to fart in the hope that you will actually create some explosion is not a quality i find amusing.. unless you actually succeeded!!!!!!!!
Sincerely______________________________________
(sign name here)
Feel free to add to the list, let me know....
BOOTS......VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
Have a good one!