booterpops

So I've been severely music deprived lately. How do I know this? because nearly every song I hear almost brings me to tears <sigh>
I've decided that I reallyl ike my dark red room. I feel like a tiny parasite burrowing in a bloody, warm heart. Is it wrong that I find this comforting? Oh well, I don't really care
When I was a child I couldn't fall asleep unless I was facing a wall. I had to have my back to the rest of the room because I was terrified of accidentally seeing what was out there.
When I was a child I had a special blanket that would protect me from my nightmares. I would dream that an evil game show monster was spinning the big wheel of nightmares and just before the wheel stopped m blanket would fly in and destroy all the monsters. I still own that blaket but I don't sleep with it. I think about cutting a piece of it off and putting it in a vial to wear around my neck after really bad nights.
When I was a child my mother chose my brothers well being over mine. When I found out what she'd done she stopped being my mother and became just a woman I know.
I have lost three friends to suicide, two friends to murder and one friend to illness. I often wonder why they are dead and I am not.
I've never been asked out on a traditional date. There has never been a boy standing in front of me with sweaty palms hoping I would go to the movies with him that weekend. That fact doesn't bother me like other people think it should.
When I was five I went outside to close the garage doors during a rainstorm. The heavy metal table holding one door open fell on me and pinned me to the ground. I was on the ground i the rain for over an hour before anyone remembered I had gone outside.

Are you wondering why I'm telling you all of this? If I can tell you this then I can tell you anything and I think being able to tell you anything is important. I've come to terms with what was and what still is. This post isn't a complaint or a plea for pity. It is but a small picture of who I am and some of the conditions that made me that way. It is just a way for me to put myself out there, to step into the light just a bit so I can get over some of my issues.