I need to vent. I am falling apart. My ex went back with her ex and he proposed and she said yes. What the fuck. It didn't work with them before. She told me and a few of her friends how unhappy she was for the last year of their relationship. She cheated on him once as far as I know but others say it happened more times. She is making him look a complete idiot because people know things he doesn't. She can't admit to him that she did that. I gave her everything. I've wanted her for 6 years and when I got her I was so happy. She was great to me. Hot dinner every night I was over there. She gave me my own night stand and everything. She wouldn't tell her ex that she was dating me so she didn't break his heart but didn't realize that it made me feel so small and insignificant. I felt like a secret and didn't want to upset her and give her a guilt trip so I never told her I felt. I'm an idiot. Why doesn't amybody want me. Are looks that important. Is it the fact that the way I look isn't how I really am. I just think that maybe I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life. I put all my heart into this and it got broken. I never saw it coming. Maybe I was just being ignorant. Maybe I just didn't want to see it coming. Maybe I was just in denial that it was ending. Is anybody familiar with the band Blood Sweat and Tears? The song "These Eyes" keeps going in my head. One line "These eyes are crying. These eyes have seen alot of love but they're never gonna see another like I had with you." Maybe I'm just obsessing. I don't even know why I am updating my journal entry. None of you people have ever met me and you don't even care as to what I say. My journal entries have only been commented on two or three times. Once by Edea just to comment on one of my favorite bands. Not even what my journal entry said. And Sid to let me know who was going to Manray. If anyone else did I apologize for not remembering. Updationg this journal seems to be a waste of my fucking time but it is a good release of anger or energy. It would be nice to know that someone actually cares enough to comment on it. I'm not by any means a bad person. Maybe woman don't want a nice guy. Either that or when they get one, they are so used to an asshole that they dont' know how to deal with a nice guy. My parents raised me to be respectful and considerate and that is what I am. In true biker fasion FTW. 