boom

I told him everything, he went everywhere with us. He moved in and even after he moved out, he basically lived with us and still had a key to the front door. He'd come over unexpectedly and cook dinner for us, find the most ridiculous reality tv shows, and have dance parties in the living room. He made the best playlists, and brought over sweets and cupcakes (he brought me a pink cupcake the day I turned pink and became a suicide girl). He supported me in everything I did, even after my ex and I split, he treated us equal, stayed friends with us both. He was the first person I'd ask for advice, one of the first people I'd tell my good news. He went on basically every trip with us, wether we were going on a 25hr road trip or flying across the country, going to a music festival or going to see family... he was right beside us, he WAS. family.

Britt was the type of person to get a party started, he loved to dance and have a good time. He was a little sophisticated, a little chandelier, and a little dirty (or so he says). He loved fashion, art, and music. He cared just enough to have a great sense of fashion, but not enough to wait around for someone's opinion. Britt loved adventure and never had time to wait in line. He was on top, and he deserved to be.

A few years ago he moved to Oakland and I moved north. If we didn't speak for a month or two, we'd catch up entirely the next we spoke. I flew him across the country so he could be here the day I got married, he was my only friend who attended, the only one I invited. The next I'd see him was a little over a year later, in April 2014 for Coachella. We shared a hotel room for 3 days, and little did I know that would be the last I'd see him. He wasn't completely himself that weekend, he spent his nights in the hotel instead of out all night partying. I noticed, but didn't think twice about it. It wasn't until December he informed me that he had been battling colon cancer for the past year. He planned on telling me that weekend in April, but didn't have the heart to ruin my time. I was in shock, but he completely down played it. The last I had a real conversation with him was the middle of May, the way he spoke I thought he was almost in the clear after he had undergone different treatments. I had texted him a few times since with no response, but I didn't think twice. Last night I received a text from an unknown number. The first thing I noticed about the group message was that my ex from 3 years ago was included. It was Britt's sister informing his close friends that Britt had passed away. He had gone back to Georgia to be with his family two weeks prior.

My heart sunk and I've been teary eyed since. How could I value a friendship so much, yet not be aware of how serious his struggle really was? It hurts to know that I wasn't there as much as I could have been. All I can think about are the things I wanted to do/planned to do, all the things I wanted to say. I've never felt a sadness like this before.

It scares me to think that there's a chance I might not be able to afford to make it to his funeral right now, but I'm going to do everything I can to try. The one thing I can take from this is don't wait for tomorrow because it's not guaranteed; and that's exactly how Britt Stewart lived his life, RIP my friend and I'll keep you forever in my heart ❤️