I sat alone in the darkness, sipping tea, and watched the snow fall outside. I’d just arrived home from a night out in Harvard with a small group of scientists – German, Italian, Colombian and English. It was a good night but I didn’t feel well and I was troubled by this. It was the night that the snowmoon regaled the world… a beautiful red moon over a troubled Boston… over a troubled America… over a troubled world. I read a story about two young adults cutting the ears off a dog and I was angry for so long afterwards that my thoughts turned to murder. If I caught people doing this it would be difficult not to murder them. A dog has no understanding why you are inflicting pain upon it. A human, on the other hand, understands and deserves to be punished for such an atrocity. Cruelty to animals and child abuse are two things that push me so close to the edge of reason and sanity that I almost want to do a Charles Bronson in Death Wish. I went to bed and read… the book made me happier, the very act of reading made me happier… but there was still an overwhelming sense of sadness and emptiness filling the room.
After a few hours of sleep I awoke deeply troubled by the swelling in my groin and so, not yet being registered with a doctor here, I set out to walk to the hospital to visit the walk-in centre. In spite of my anxiety the walk was very beautiful. Thick snow everywhere expect for the pavements where kind and hard working individuals have been out all night and morning shovelling for the safety of strangers. That really is a thankless task and I am truly grateful to them. I stopped to take some photos and then eventually found the hospital. A beautiful building inside and out… calm, quiet, empty, so different to anything I had previously witnessed. I stopped to ask a few people where the walk-in centre was and everyone was extremely patient and helpful. It made me realise the ease and pleasure of being back in a country where I am able to communicate easily with people. After a few moments I had registered and was waiting in an empty waiting room. A man and a woman came in looking frantic and panicked… the lady at the reception said ‘please write here what you are here for’ and the guy shouted ‘I think I have pneumonia’. He was asked to put a medical mask on and sit down. No sniffing, no coughing, no difficulty in breathing… quite quiet for a man with pneumonia, I thought. Shortly afterwards he was called to go in and I wasn’t sure why he’d go first but assumed they may consider his case more serious. When my turn came they apologised profusely for mixing up the order but I said I wasn’t concerned at all and assumed he had something serious, ‘oh, not at all, quite the contrary, there was nothing wrong with him at all’ the nurse whispered to me with a naughty smile on her face.
When I eventually saw the doctor, I was asked to undress and put a gown on that opens at the back. The doctor made me lie down and inspected my groin area where there was a swelling within and then she inspected my other groin. ‘Do you mind if I inspect your penis?’ I was a bit shocked but I suppose I had somehow expected it. ‘Yes, go ahead’ I said, turning red. She checked and said all was fine and then found a cut under my right leg that had become inflamed slightly and explained that the swelling in my groin was a lymph gland swelling in reaction to the infected cut. I was relieved because I thought ‘Appendix or cancer’ as we always tend to think, I suppose. You know what self-diagnosis on the internet is like… ‘I have a sore toe’… ‘you are dying of leprosy’.
Leaving the hospital I felt like a man who had just finished an exam for which he has been studying months and months. I was relieved and joyous. As I walked through the snow I saw the city with an even more positive view and was astounded by its beauty. I called a friend in England as I walked along and we spoke about literature and in particular Thoreau’s Walden. With a new lease of life I walked to Harvard, popped into the Harvard Coop Bookstore, and then decided the place I wanted to be was at home, on my couch, with a beer and a book. I immediately walked to the T station…
