It is official. I commited social suicide.

25

Hi there.

People who follow me here on suicide girls communite knows that I have anxiety and I am strugling with that.

What they don't know is that I almoust tried to kill myself yestarday.

I am going to teraphy for more than a year now, trying to pass throw all the shit that happened with me when I was a kid. All the bad things that my parents did to me trying to assure that I would be a good person.

One exemple that I can use here is the time when my mom put her hands around my neck and put me against a wall, sufocating me cause she wanted to teach me to not wear only black clothes.

Yestarday, I posted a photo on instagram and the reaction was even worst.

My mom, my sister and the other members of my family delete me from all their social midias, and she wrote me a text talking about how abusive was what I did.

That word made me thing about all the abuse that she made with me and I started to have the worst anxiety crises ever.

I runned to the kitchen so I could took a knife and finish all the suffer, but then I remembered that I have friends who could help me. And I text my friends and my boyfriend that was working.

They all tried to help me in someway.

They saved my life.

One of my friends is a psychologist.

She told me to go to the shower and sit on the ground letting the warm water hug me. And it was good. In a few minutes my crises started to be easier to deal with. And then my boyfriend came home and took me off the shower. he hugged me and wait with me, he waited for the crise to go away.

I am glad for all they help.

I am delling for months with the fact that my mother dont really like who I am, that she loves the fantasy daughter that she created on her mind and not really me.

And it is really hard.

Now they decided to not contact me anymore, cause I am a bitch, in my mother's words. 😞

And I just want to write about it, and to share in some place where people would get me and not made me feel more guilty that I am.

So I am happy that I found suicide girls cause here I can be myself, truly.

and that was the photo that I posted

Thanks. I feel better now that I shared.

@missy And @rambo

VIEW 25 of 25 COMMENTS
mathgeek:
I went through a similar situation (as the boyfriend) about 20 years ago.  It can be so difficult to open yourself to others and ask for help.  I'm really glad you are doing that.  I'm also glad we have such a great safe place to talk about it.  I'm sure you have been getting lots of advice, but let me add just one more tidbit.  Even if you are angry or sad or depressed, sometimes just smiling helps.  Funny as it sounds but smiling can actually tweek your neuro chemistry and give a little boost.  Give it a try.  
bonniedarko:
@mathgeek thanks for the advice. Yes I fell better when I am down and something make me smile, like a clever comment about my photos or some cat/dog funny video. ❤ it is a good advice.

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