bonnieblu

I had the most random night last night.

A friend of mine can read jewellery and i asked if she could read me. The only piece of jewellery i have that i hardly ever take out is my tounge stud. So she tried that and it was like she had reached into my brain and was pulling out things one by one. She was talking about how her body felt, the weight and tiredness. How i'm in a rut and i'm stuck and dont know how to get out anymore. I think i started to cry when she talked about how much pain i was in and then when she talked about being so tired, i just started weeping.

Earlier in the night she had made me talk more about Nick and what had actually happened between us. I explained some situations and she basically turned around to me and told me that was domestic violence. She tried to get me to say it but i'm still not ready. I've been reading about it and i feel that what i'll just be ridiculed by saying that because it doesn't fit into the same as other stories but i know that that feeling is normal. I just don't know what to do about it next. We broke up 18 months ago but there is still so much shit., so much residue emotion and i'm still just so tired. I'm seeing a psychologist and a counsellor. I don't want meds, i want to do it on my own because i know that i can. I'm just so tired in the mornings and i could sleep all day.

But my friend did see some calm on the horizon, a helping hand. But it's a decision i have to make apparently.

I'm really really fucking over this.