bonnieblu

EDIT: Going to do a friends cut in the next few days, leave a comment if you wanna stay. Thanks! If i dont know or remember you, sorry but thanks for the ad anyways.

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One thing that I must admit to myself is that I am a sensitive soul. I do become deeply affected by everything and anything. I can't help that. It's genetic.

It's especially prominent with my friends. I care about what they think, feel, say. When one of my friends says something to me and it may have a slightly off tone, I take it all in. Every single piece I take inside and dissect it and worry about what they meant by that. I go through it over and over in my head until I've worried myself stupid. And then I get angry at the person for being so insensitive followed by anger at myself for thinking that all my friends should make excuses for lil ol me.

I guess this is also why I find breakups of friendships, family and partners the hardest of all. I don't like to see someone leaving my life, even though I know it's for the best and that's the way life goes. People come in and out of your lives for a reason and each person takes what they need and moves on, some stay longer than others do. Still, I cannot help but become overwhelmed when these events do take place. When I left my job in the UK to go travelling, I was so upset at leaving those awesome people. It's over a year ago and from time to time, i still get upset.

I always thought I was a tough girl, I guess I am on the outside. On the inside however, I'm so fragile. I feel like I could break at anything. Sometimes I think it would be alot simpler to just walk away from my social life, as I don't expect my friends to eggshell my personality. Only a few know me as this fragile person, everything they say I take to heart and while I have a good ability to also take the piss out of myself, its really hard sometimes to get by. Especially in the mood I've been in for the last two days. Everything is hitting straight in the middle of my heart and hurting.

I don't like to be the kind of girl to whinge and complain about not having a boy but sometimes it would be so nice to have someone who loves and understands you completely and makes you feel like its okay to be that way. Makes you feel strong and happy and loves that you are that way. I don't actually know what that feels like; Nick always condemned me for being the way I am. I've never experienced the feeling of waking up next to someone and have them look at you like you're the most precious thing in the world to them.

I would love to say, "I guess I'll grow out of this" but I know I won't. It's just the kind of girl I am and while it gets me down I wouldn't change it. If I did that, I wouldn't be me.