Wow, i found this blog i wrote almost 4 years ago, about 6 months before i got divorced with my ex...wow, reading this i wonder now where the hell my mind was. hehe
Something to ponder....maybe something to pity....that is a thought that i have come across a many of times.
I have loved and i have hated. I have given and i have taken. I have had dreams and i have had nightmares. Yet i have not understood the meaning of it all.
I look at my life and i see nothing but questions. Many a nights i have tossed and turned with the countless interpretations of my world, and everyone of these queries ends in a not just one conclusion, but a vast complication. I have not fully understood any of it. Why do i have to sacrifice what i hold dearly for others to take for granted? Why do i obey rules and regulations, only to watch those on the outside abuse them? i
I have pondered countlessly to understand my past and my present. I have looked unmistakably at my inmeasurable life and only seem to conclude.....it had to be done to benefit.
To benefit? I can see my benefits, yet i can clearly see my losses as well. Interesting........or not.
I have realized that these choices of my life had led me to many different paths. I have chosen poorly and i have chosen right. I have given myself, my soul and my heart to another person. I have given these precious things to my wife. She in all aspects of this world is everything i need to make mine. I sacrifice my freedoms, myself, and my rights to be me, to protect her, our family, and our friends, as well as the strangers walking around.
Again, things i ponder...what if this had not occurred? What if i decided, home is where i belong....what if? I see grim and pain, as well as unfulfillment. I would have been lost and i would have drowned in my pain and sorrow. I miss home, i miss having those around me that i understand...yet i had to broaden myself to achieve a state of satisfaction that i am sought to finding here. I have my companion with me to seek this. I have my soul to guide me to find this. I have my mind to lead me there.
I ponder.............as well as wonder..........what if.................................
Something to ponder....maybe something to pity....that is a thought that i have come across a many of times.
I have loved and i have hated. I have given and i have taken. I have had dreams and i have had nightmares. Yet i have not understood the meaning of it all.
I look at my life and i see nothing but questions. Many a nights i have tossed and turned with the countless interpretations of my world, and everyone of these queries ends in a not just one conclusion, but a vast complication. I have not fully understood any of it. Why do i have to sacrifice what i hold dearly for others to take for granted? Why do i obey rules and regulations, only to watch those on the outside abuse them? i
I have pondered countlessly to understand my past and my present. I have looked unmistakably at my inmeasurable life and only seem to conclude.....it had to be done to benefit.
To benefit? I can see my benefits, yet i can clearly see my losses as well. Interesting........or not.
I have realized that these choices of my life had led me to many different paths. I have chosen poorly and i have chosen right. I have given myself, my soul and my heart to another person. I have given these precious things to my wife. She in all aspects of this world is everything i need to make mine. I sacrifice my freedoms, myself, and my rights to be me, to protect her, our family, and our friends, as well as the strangers walking around.
Again, things i ponder...what if this had not occurred? What if i decided, home is where i belong....what if? I see grim and pain, as well as unfulfillment. I would have been lost and i would have drowned in my pain and sorrow. I miss home, i miss having those around me that i understand...yet i had to broaden myself to achieve a state of satisfaction that i am sought to finding here. I have my companion with me to seek this. I have my soul to guide me to find this. I have my mind to lead me there.
I ponder.............as well as wonder..........what if.................................