Long talk with my girlfriend about our relationship. Not an easy talk at all. I talked about everything that I don't like about us. No time for myself, use of emotional blackmail to get what she wants, her hints of marriage (even though we obviously are not anywhere near ready)....it was both awesome, and fucking awful.
The day after (yesterday) she had a list of topics, printed out, so we could do the same thing - that was a lot less awful, even though they were my negatives. Oddly, it felt good to finally talk about thing that I know bother her, but she didn't want to discuss before.
Now we continue living our life, and seeing if us talking helped. I hope it did. Time will tell.
The day after (yesterday) she had a list of topics, printed out, so we could do the same thing - that was a lot less awful, even though they were my negatives. Oddly, it felt good to finally talk about thing that I know bother her, but she didn't want to discuss before.
Now we continue living our life, and seeing if us talking helped. I hope it did. Time will tell.
Unsolicited advice that you probably know: Telling people what is wrong is good, but calling them out on it all the time can suck for both of you, and make you both feel that things are going more poorly than they are cause you talk about what's wrong more than anything else. If your partner is feeling insecure and vulnerable, this will only make it much, much worse. You want the total number of positive events to outweigh the negative ones, or the relationship will fail in the process of trying to heal it. I use the F-f ratio as my shorthand calculus for this- you want to fuck more than you fight.
I find that instead complimenting and encouraging positive things is the best way to deal with it. So for example if your issue is that your partner isn't helping out with the chores, tell them all about how much it means to you when they help out around the house, acknowledge when they do even small things, compliment them on how good they are at doing tasks. Get some time to really think about why it means so much to you that they do chores, and express your satisfaction readily and warmly.
This does, however, entail that you are in a place where you can authentically and honestly compliment your partner, and not say these things in a condescending, sarcastic manner or otherwise make passive aggressive digs at them. This is why this method really only works after you have communicated your concerns fully, so you feel like your grievances are fully expressed and you are committed to start making it better.
The fact we got through it at all is what give me hope. There was a lot to talk about, and none of it was fun. Hopefully we both learn what we needed.