bobdylan5

Well, it's been a while. Here's the next installment of my book:


The Right Honorable BedeWriter, Scholar, Mathematician, Architect, Bon Vivant, Et. Al Born 672 or 673, possibly 674. Died??? The Right Honorable Bede is best remembered for his many scholarly books, which are considered by many to be classics in the field. These include Eternal Recurrence: What It Is And How You Can Make Money From It A Travelers Guide to Staying at Home Narcolepsy and Its Effect on Ancient Rome and The Big Book of Nothing Much. The Right Honorable Bede is survived, of course, by the five trillion people in the known universe.

I wouldnt have it any other way, someone said.
Lee looked up. There on the pedestal, where Lee had expected to see yet another bronze statue, was a living and (Lee assumed) breathing man. He was beaming at Lee over a pair of bi-focal glasses perched on the tip of his nose. He was a small portly man, with a tonsure of red hair circling his otherwise shiny bald head. He was dressed in a long cassock of what appeared to be burlap or some other coarse material and he was wearing dark brown sandals. On his shoulder was a pigeon, a superluminary pigeon. Lee assumed that this was Bertie, just as Lee assumed that the man was the real Honorable Bede.
You are correct sir, on both counts, the man said. I was just trying out this pedestal here. I was curious as to what it will be like to be immortalized as a statue for six hundred or seven hundred years. It makes one extremely thirsty, that is for certain. Now, if you would be so kind The Honorable Bede extended a hand to Lee, and Lee went to help him down from the pedestal. It was a harder operation then Lee imagined it would be, as the Honorable Bede was very short and heavier than Lee expected.
Ummmphyeswell, I have a housekeeper who likes to make me strawberry torts every other day or so, the Honorable Bede said, as Lee clumsily helped him down from the pedestal. The pigeon Bertie flapped up into the air as the Honorable Bede struggled, and then, every few seconds landed back on his shoulder. One time Bertie landed on Lees shoulder, startling him and almost making him drop the scholar on the pavement.
Oh my, thank you, The Honorable Bede said, finally standing before Lee and Mrs. Robinson. He was extremely short, about four-foot-eleven at most. And Mrs. Robinson, enchante, enchante he added, bowing. Allons! Encore notre vieux carrick.
Oh, H.B., how ya do talk, Mrs. Robinson said, smiling.
I must say, I was amazed and astounded and arrested and otherwise alloyed to receive your last missive. It has been too long. At this, Bertie began to coo in the Honorable Bedes ear.
Whats that? the Honorable Bede said. Oh yes indeedy, doth. Post haste, Bertiepost haste. Bertie says that he would appreciate it very much if he could see his paramour, Gerdie. He says he misses her terribly, even though they are really never apart at all
Uh huh, Mrs. Robinson said. Once again, she produced the wicker pagoda from under her toboggan cap. She sat the pagoda on the walkway and opened the cage door. Immediately, Gerdie flew out. She flapped her wings laboriously, covering the few feet between her and the Honorable Bede, settling on the shoulder that Bertie was not occupying. She started to coo in the Honorable Bedes ear and, in response, Bertie cooed in the other ear. The Honorable Bede shook his head and grimaced.
No, no, this will not do at all, he said. I will not be able to hear myself think, if you use my head as a conduit for sound and one of lifes small pleasures is being able to hear oneself think. Here. He brought an index finger up to his shoulder and made Gerdie perch on it. He then transferred her to the opposite shoulder, the one that Bertie was perching on. The two birds sat there, staring at each other with unabashed pleasure.
Ah, love The Honorable Bede said. Im glad that I never had anything to do with it. Although, there was that courtesan in Westphalia whooh well, never mind. Im glad you are here. He turned to Lee. So young man. I hear that you are finding things to be a bit unusual today? Is that so? Lets walk as we talk. I have an appointment to keep. They tell me I am a busy man.
So Mrs. Robinson once again stuffed the pagoda under her cap, and they started off down the walkway, past more statues.
I dont really know if I want a statue here in this park, the Honorable Bede said absently. Im really a little too distinct for the honor. What was the city council thinking? I think it might be all those boring stories I used to tell whilst carousing with Fred to get the Tasmanian tigers to yawn. You remember, dont you, my dear?
How can I forget? I have nightmares bout it to this day, Mrs. Robinson said shivering.
Im sorry. It was, to quote the sage words of your dear uncle, a way to pass the time.
Thas what it says on his tombstone, Mrs. Robinson replied, cheerfully.
Anyway, young man, the Honorable Bede said, turning his attention to Lee, Mrs. Robinson says you are finding things a bit unusual today. How so?
Well Lee said, not sure where to begin. Im really not sure where to begin. It all started when I woke up
And that was unusual? the scholar asked.
No no. There was this man on my computer monitor
A very small man?
Nohe was in the monitorhe wasnt a real man at alljust an image,
Hmmm, the Honorable Bede said. Oh, do you mind terribly if I take some notes. This might make an interesting book. Or then again, probably not.
Before Lee could answer, the Honorable Bede pulled a pad of paper and a pencil from the folds of his cassock.
Continue the Honorable Bede said, writing furiously on the pad. Woke upman on the monitorexcuse me, man in the monitor. And then what happened? Im all earswell, except for the part of me that isnt ears, of course.
And then Lee said, thinking hard. It seemed as if the events of the morning were events that had happened to someone else, a hundred or so centuries before.
Lets not discount that yet, the Honorable Bede replied. Obviously, he could read thoughts with the same proficiency as Mrs. Robinson.
Ah, hes better at it then me, Mrs. Robinson said. After all, hes a scholar an Im just a Mrs. Robinson.
Oh, dont sell yourself short, my dear, the Honorable Bede said. You have a lovely distinctive way with thoughts. Im sorry, young man. Do continue.
And thenI put on my clothes. The man in the monitor said I needed to go to the lobby because Mrs. Robinson was there waiting for me.
I was, Mrs. Robinson replied. That there lobby is a good place to get some knitting done, let me tell you.
Knittinglobby the Honorable Bede muttered, writing it all down. So far I am really finding nothing unusual in any of this. It sounds like any typical morning.
Not for me, Lee protested. My mornings are usually quite different. Quite different.
How so? the Honorable Bede inquired.
WellI wake up
So far, the same.
Yesbut there has never been a man in my computer monitor ordering me to do things. Usually theres just a screensaver
A whatsaver? the Honorable Bede asked.
A screensaver. The monitor shuts down and theres just this geometric pattern that plays over and over again until I am ready to do some work.
The Honorable Bede looked at him in amazement.
Why that is simply astonishing, the Honorable Bede said.
Astonishing? Whats so astonishing about it? Lee asked.
You say this geometric pattern just plays over and over until your ready to work?
Yes, Lee replied.
And it never gets tired or complains?
No, Lee said. Its only a simple computer program, after all.
Ah, then you yourself wrote the program? You understand all the permutations of it? the Honorable Bede said.
Wellnoit came with the computer. Somebody else wrote it, Lee replied.
Well then, young man, I wouldnt underestimate it. Perhaps when you are asleep, thisscreensaver complains bitterly about its lot. Perhaps it is programmed to do so?
Lee shook his head. He didnt feel like arguing about the sentient qualities of computer screensavers. It just seemed so absurd.
As you wishas you wish the Honorable Bede said. Lets skip ahead. And then you left your domicile and met Mrs. Robinson, knitting in the lobby?
Well, nonot right away. I looked out the window of my apartment, and I noticed that the sky was green.
Can you be a bit more specific? Was it a light hard green, this sky? Or a dark hard spring, this green? Or was it a dark dull teal, more of a greenish-blue?
I dont know Lee said, bewildered. It was just green. I remember thinking it looked like the top of a pool table.
Now were getting somewhere, the Honorable Bede said, writing. Would that then be basic green, tournament green, dark green, English green, bottle green, or moss?
I dont know, Lee said, stupidly. Uh, dark green. Yes. Dark green.
And you arent used to the sky being that shade?
Nousually the sky is blue.
Ahwould that be a light faded blue, a pale dull blue, a dark dull blue_? the Honorable Bede asked.
Blue. Just blue. Listen, I dont think the color of the sky really matters. Can we just skip that part?
As you wish, the Honorable Bede said, nodding his head. Of course you realize that sometimes the most trivial matters have deep and far reaching consequences.
Yes, Lee replied. I understand that.