bobdylan5

Here's the next installment of my novel. Probably the only place you are ever going to see it:

But why are we here? Lee said.
They were standing in front of the train station now. It was a massive structure that seemed to be composed of a single piece of obsidian glass.
Yeahthe city people was big big builders. Thats why this place is called The Really Incredible City, Mrs. Robinson said.
In the distance, Lee could see rust-colored skyscrapers that seemed to stretch far far up into the clouds. They reminded Lee of some termite mounds he had seen on television once-upon-a-time.
Only a lot bigger, honey, Mrs. Robinson said, staring at the skyscrapers.
You still havent answered my question. Never mind how we got here. Why are we here?
Wella good friend of my Uncle Fred takes his summer sabbaticals here.
And who would that be?
The Honorable Bede. Certainly ya heard a him?
No, Im afraid Suddenly, Lee remembered the strange flyer that he had picked up that morning outside his apartment door. That seemed like centuries ago. Isnt he a writer, or something like that?
Mrs. Robinson smiled at him, showing quite a number of yellow teeth. Maybe there is hope for ya yet, honey. Thas exactly what he is: a writer. Why he wrote The Louisiana Purchase: Why It Was Bad for Business and If Light Can Be Both A Wave And A Particle, What About A Banana? Ya ever read those books?
Lee had to admit that he had not.
Well, they is classics in the field. Classics. Anyway, he used to come over to my Uncle Freds a lot and get stewed on sweet gherkin wine. Then the two of them would stumble out to the barn and try to get the Tasmanian tigers to yawn by tellin em borin stories. And I tell ya, the Honorable Bede knows lots and lots of borin stories
Lee really wasnt listening to this anecdote about the Honorable Bede. He had suddenly noticed that there were two suns hanging in the sky! There was a small disk of silver fire hanging in the western sky (if it was west) and above that an enormous ball of shimmering scarlet. It was both beautiful and disconcerting at the same time.
And ya aint even listenin to me, are ya boy? Mrs. Robinson said, hitting him in the arm.
Lee had to admit that he wasnt. There are two suns, he said, stupidly.
Course there is, Mrs. Robinson said. This planet is sitiated in a binary star system. Course theres gonna be two suns. And dont stare at em. Didnt youre momma tell ya nothin?
But what is the name of this planet? Lee asked.
Well the natives here call it earth of course. I dont think its ever really been given a name outside of that. Nobody ever got round to it. Now dont ask no more questions. I gots to remember how we gets to the Honorable Bedes cottage from here. Its been a while.
Lee stood there silently, trying hard not to look at the two suns in the sky. He concentrated instead on the vast cityscape in the distance. It was very beautiful. Lee noticed that there was one building, a giant monolith, around which a train track seemed to curl all the way to the ground. Lee could see a train, much like the one he had just come off of, careering slowly down this track.
Ya like that? Mrs. Robinson said. She licked the index finger of her right hand and stuck it up in the air, much as she had earlier on the commuter train. Thas the Building for Duplicate Library Cards, if memry serves
Duplicate library cards? Lee said.
Yeah. One thing ya got to know bout the Really Incredible Citythey is a stickler for paperwork_
Suddenly there was a silver-grayish man standing in front of Lee and Mrs. Robinson. He had a grayish-silver badge in his extra hand. He waved it in front of Lees eyes.
Officer BoronEntropy Policecould I see some business cards, please?
Lee shook his head.
Im sorry, he said. You wantwhat?
Business cards, the silver-grayish man named Officer Boron snapped. Business cards. You have business here in the Really Incredible City, do you not?
YesI guess so, Lee said. But Im afraid
Well then, Im going need to see some business cards confirming that. He snapped the fingers on one of his normal hands. Or I am going to have to take you to_
Here ya go, officer, Mrs. Robinson said, handing a cream-colored card to the policeman.
Goody! Thats my 36th business card for the day. Im bound to get that free dinner now. I am way over my quota. He put the card in his coveralls. O.K. Now what about him? Officer Boron said, pointing a finger at Lee.
I dontI mean I dont usually... Lee started.
Mrs. Robinson produced another cream-colored card and handed it to Officer Boron whose silver-grayish face now began to beam.
3737 business cards. Not only am I guaranteed the dinner, I am sure to get the free key-chain as well. He glanced down at the card. Well, Mr. Dracos Kervorkian, good luck to you with your rare snail breeding pursuits. I hope you enjoy your stay in the Really Incredible City. And dont even think about doing anything suspicious because you knowIve got your business card. And with that, Officer Boron was gone, waving Lees counterfeit business card in the air.
37 business cards, he sang, as he walked away from them. 37 business cards.
What was that all about then? Lee asked, as he watched the officer accost two silver-grayish women at what appeared to be a bus stop, presumably in an effort to up his quota of business cards.
Huh? Mrs. Robinson said, lost in thought. Bureaucracythis place turns on it. Now dont disturb me boy. Is tryin to remember hows we git to the Honorable Bedes retreat. Do we go past the Particle-Accelerator Permit Building on Y Street and then take a left at the Museum of Ancient Toiletriesor is it the other way round?
As if in answer to her question, another silver-grayish man with yet another grayish-silver badge appeared in front of them.
All rightall rightIve been observing you, yes I have, he said, waving his badge in Lees face. Officer Iridium, Entropy Police. There seems to be a lot of lollygagging going on here and that is definitely against City Ordinance 423A-00034-B. And possibly City Ordinance 423A-00034-C. That is if there is a premeditated intention to malinger. Is there a premeditated intention to malinger?
Mrs. Robinson rolled her eyes.
What do ya need to see, officer? she sighed.
The policeman licked his lips.
Im glad you asked me that question, he said. I am going to need to see, and in this order, your birth certificates, medical records, school records from kindergarten through post-doctorate work (or highest level of schooling completed) proof of health dental life car accident fire and earthquake insurance, marriage license (if married) dog license (if applicable), fishing license (if applicable), library cards, employment i.d.s (if applicable) and a death certificate if you are, unfortunately, deceased. Lets see, is that all? Oh yes, and some business cards.
But we just Lee began.
Shhh, honey... Ill take care of this, Mrs. Robinson said.
Instead of producing more cards from under her magical toboggan cap, she produced a single sheet of yellow legal paper and a very thick pencil. The pencil had moving red stripes on its shaft, like those found on a barber pole. She began to write with this pencil, using her left hand to support the paper.
The policeman immediately snapped to attention, as if he had suddenly thought of something very serious.
Im sorryyou dont need to show me any papers. Uh...you are free to go. I suddenly rememberedI think I left the iron on at home.
And suddenly, he was bounding away from them, his three thin arms flapping as he ran.
Mrs. Robinsonwhat just happened? Lee asked.
Mrs. Robinson smiled at Lee and put the paper and pencil back under her cap.
Member what I said before bout knowin how to read an write thoughts?
Yes? Lee said. Wait a minuteyou dont mean?
I do mean, she laughed. I just wrote some thoughts on that there policemans empty skull. Dont know why I didnt think bout it a little earlier. Coulda saved me some nice business cards.
So you made that policeman think he left the iron on at home, when really?
Yeah, well lets get movin. He might be back soon. I believes we have to go this way.

Mrs. Robinson, what is this place? Lee asked.
They were standing in front of a gigantic structure that seemed to be made of the same obsidian glass as the train station. Lee had never seen a building so massive. It must have covered ten city blocks at least. The main edifice was a dark windowless ziggurat, one crystal rectangle stacked on top of another, reaching far up into the clouds. At the base of this structure, there were a number of grand staircases that, as far as Lee could tell, went nowhere at all. Far in the distance, Lee could see oblong wings stretching from the main structure. And the building was apparently still in the process of being constructed. There were scaffolds and ladders everywhere. Silver-grayish people in caramel uniforms climbed these scaffolds and ladders, brandishing tools.
Hmmm, Mrs. Robinson said. I dont rightly recollect this bein here the last time I landed in the Really Incredible City. Its throwin me right off.
Do you mean youre lost?
Corse not, Mrs. Robinson said, indignantly. Nobodys ever lost. We is right herein front of this thingwhatever that is. Now the Honorable Bedes cottage. That has kinda got misplaced. She put a beefy hand to her forehead, as if she were trying to shade her eyes from the light of two suns. She craned her neck as far as she could, right and then left.
Nope she said. Aint anywhere round here
She suddenly bent over and looked between her legs.
Andit aint back there, she said, straightening herself.
Perhaps we should ask, Lee said, indicating the swarms of workmen who were running up and around the massive glass structure.
Well ya could try, Mrs. Robinson sighed. But it probably wont do ya too much good.
Before Mrs. Robinson could stop him, Lee bounded over to two silver-grayish men who were standing at the base of the obsidian structure. The two workers had old-fashioned sponges in each of their three hands, and they took turns dipping these sponges into a pail of soapy water and swatting them against the glass edifice.
Excuse me Lee said.
Clean, said one of the workmen, swatting the building with a soapy sponge.
Cleaner, said the other workman, doing the same.
Cleanest, said the first workman, sponging the giant building for all he was worth.
Excuse me, please, Lee said, a little louder this time.
The two workmen looked at Lee as if he had dropped in from another planet, which, of course, he had.
Dont even think about taking our bucket, the first workman said, bending over the metal soap bucket as if he were prepared to defend the thing with his very life.
No sirno sir the other workman said, dropping his sponges and putting up three fists all at once. No sirwe requisitioned this bucket and we waited eight months to get it. We wont let you take it.
I dont want your silly bucket, Lee said patiently. I just wanted to know if you_
Oh really, the first workman said, indignantly. He was wearing a nametag on the breast of his caramel coveralls that read: Hello, My Name is Coldwell. And just what, exactly, makes it so silly?
It is the very best bucket, the other workman said. The Titanium Choresaver 23. The woman at the supply company told us so. He was also wearing a nametag that said, Hello, My Name is Arthur.
Im sure its a wonderful bucket, Lee said.
Indubitably, the workman named Coldwell said.
Undoubtedly, Arthur added.
The Titanium Choresaver 23, Coldwell said fondly, caressing the rim of the sacred bucket.
But what I want is directions_ Lee said.
You need to put the muffins on a non-stick baking pan, about an inch or so apart, and heat them at 400 degrees Fahrenheit for eleven minutes or until they turn a golden brown, Arthur said, smiling at Lee.