BEARDS
Im absolutely an advocate of beard growing, no doubt about it. After all, the vikings had beards and they were all that is man. But many men violate the basic beard rules.
Rule 1 - If you can't grow a beard properly, don't try.
It looks like you cut off your pubes and glued them to your face.
Rule 2 - Don't grow a beard to try and hide your double chin.
It doesn't work. A small patch of hair only draws more attention to that area of your fattness. All it achieves is transforming common ridicule from "Look at that guys double chin!" to "look at that guys hairy double chin, ha" I think part of the idea is that the beard line creates the illusion of the masculine jaw line you had before you gained 200 pounds, well guess what....it doesn't.
Rule 3 - Don't grow a beard if you are completely bald.
Let it be known that you can grow a beard as long as all the ZZ top dudes combined and it doesn't change the fact that you are indeed, bald. You might as well attempt combing your long beard around the side and over the top of your bald head like some kinda bizarre beard comb over. -Sidenote - Bald head combined with side-burns is also a serious violation.
Rule 4 - If your beard is white/grey, and you smoke heavily, fucking shave it offffff!!!!!!!
Dude, you love your beard, i get it, but its stained brown around your mouth you need to let it go, or quit smoking, or remove your entire head. Its not a good look, its grotesque. You look like you spend all day eating dog shit.
Rule 5 - Minimize beard shaping.
If you are thinking about shaving any kind of design whatsoever into your beard, stop thinking. Unless you are auditioning for Broke Back Mountain 2, or you are entering a weird-beard competition, you just don't want that. The vikings did no beard shaping, you know why? Because they were all that is man. If you shape your beard you deserve to be strapped to a gurney and castrated with rusty fishing hooks.
Thats all.
Im absolutely an advocate of beard growing, no doubt about it. After all, the vikings had beards and they were all that is man. But many men violate the basic beard rules.
Rule 1 - If you can't grow a beard properly, don't try.
It looks like you cut off your pubes and glued them to your face.
Rule 2 - Don't grow a beard to try and hide your double chin.
It doesn't work. A small patch of hair only draws more attention to that area of your fattness. All it achieves is transforming common ridicule from "Look at that guys double chin!" to "look at that guys hairy double chin, ha" I think part of the idea is that the beard line creates the illusion of the masculine jaw line you had before you gained 200 pounds, well guess what....it doesn't.
Rule 3 - Don't grow a beard if you are completely bald.
Let it be known that you can grow a beard as long as all the ZZ top dudes combined and it doesn't change the fact that you are indeed, bald. You might as well attempt combing your long beard around the side and over the top of your bald head like some kinda bizarre beard comb over. -Sidenote - Bald head combined with side-burns is also a serious violation.
Rule 4 - If your beard is white/grey, and you smoke heavily, fucking shave it offffff!!!!!!!
Dude, you love your beard, i get it, but its stained brown around your mouth you need to let it go, or quit smoking, or remove your entire head. Its not a good look, its grotesque. You look like you spend all day eating dog shit.
Rule 5 - Minimize beard shaping.
If you are thinking about shaving any kind of design whatsoever into your beard, stop thinking. Unless you are auditioning for Broke Back Mountain 2, or you are entering a weird-beard competition, you just don't want that. The vikings did no beard shaping, you know why? Because they were all that is man. If you shape your beard you deserve to be strapped to a gurney and castrated with rusty fishing hooks.
Thats all.
lilmisssunshine:
thanks for the tips 
ha ...i'll keep these in mind if i ever try to grow a beard... though, i would violate the first rule right off the bat... hmm
ha ...i'll keep these in mind if i ever try to grow a beard... though, i would violate the first rule right off the bat... hmm
katesmash:
BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Awesomesauce.