In life, we all need hope.
And that’s what Suicide Girls provides.
The nature of hope is such that we can be happy…even if we know that our chances are exceedingly-slim.
We all have a bit of Lloyd Christmas in us.
Lloyd: "What are my chances?"
Mary: "Not good."
Lloyd: "You mean “not good” like… one out of a hundred?"
Mary: "I'd say.. more like one out of a million."
Lloyd: (slowly reacts) "So you're telling me there's a chance? … yeah!!"
Suicide Girls is a social site.
You can like posts.
You can follow people.
They can follow you.
You can message.
In these interactions, I would venture to guess that many of us find hope.
What kind of hope?
Erotic hope.
Whether you’re a lonely soldier stationed in Buttfuck, Egypt (pop. 1) or a lonely war bride in Nowhere, Nebraska.
Irregardless of which side you’re on, we can all find hope on SG.
And the primary instrument of hope here is the photo set.
The SET.
A term that is ubiquitous on SG.
“Set” takes on a meaning of its own on Suicide Girls.
A set is a BIG EVENT (hopefully).
Sets take work.
Logistics.
And so, without access to any “private” information, I am trying to cobble together a history of SG…based solely upon the sets.
All of us have access to them.
If I can see it, so can you.
What can we glean from these sets?
Trends.
Eras.
Epochs.
We recognize significant figures in the history of Suicide Girls.
The girls (and occasionally guys) who have shaped the history of SG.
And so it’s time to, once again, plow into a month full of hidden gems.
There are ALWAYS hidden gems.
In every month of SG history.
Some sets are obvious.
They got a lot of likes.
I don’t give a fuck about “likes”.
The only “like” I care about is, “Do I like it?”
However, I try to watch out for you guys and gals.
Some sets are just undeniably-special (whether they titillate me or not).
So let’s get into it.
The month is November 2010.
First up we got @crystalsosweet in her only Hopeful set (hope goes in several directions) Renovatio [sic].
Presumably, the title of this set is in…Latin?
Renovatio = renewal.
Can’t say I’ve ever seen an SG set with a (literally-) Latin title (if that is in fact what is going on here).
Five photos from the end showcases a pair of two-tone areolæ.
Very impressive!
Also good was @sheeva in HER only Hopeful set Malice Motel .
This one is truly special.
It’s not unusual that, as a Hopeful set (from this era), there is no photographer credited.
Nevertheless, model and lens-wielder pull off something really engaging here.
Check out shots 30 and 31.
Biting a white sheet.
Stretched like a balloon or cloud.
Tight.
Taut.
Almost like Macha Méril at the beginning of Godard’s Une femme mariée.
Check out shot 33.
Almost a pole dance allusion.
And then the abrupt (think À Bout de souffle) foot close-up.
Focus on ankle.
Interesting.
DIFFERENT!!!
Five from the end even does a little purple mustache trick.
It’s a shame this gal didn’t do another set (with the same photographer).
But she was “one-and-done”.
Not to fear.
Up next was @iphoenix with a PERFECT set.
It’s called Itstimetobeherealone .
As regards this gal, whatevershebringswesing!!!
[the royal we]
What a fuckin’ RACK this gal had!!!
And a beautiful, sculpted-yet-sumptuous, classical-Hellenic torso.
FUCKING HELL.
Perfect set.
And this set got less than 500 [sic] likes.
[no wonder she never made another]
Then things ran dry…
Frankly, the first week of this month was rather dreadful.
At least there was @svetka in her only Hopeful set (WTF?!?) Dilema [sic].
Is the title Portuguese?
[I’m gonna go with misspelling on this one]
Remember gals, SPELLCHECK THE TITLE OF YOUR FUCKING SET.
Nothing says, “Don’t bother liking my set” quite like a misspelled title.
To be fair, this may have been in an age before advanced iPhone features.
[trying to be generous here]
But what she lacked in spelling she made up for in sex appeal.
[I’m guessing she’s not that unique in this combination]
This one is for the ass men.
20 clicks from the end.
What a buttocks!
But again, fear not, it gets better.
Next up we got more perfection courtesy of @camarillo in 7th Floor Balcony .
Here’s a PERFECT set that got less than 350 [likes].
Those are some LUSCIOUS jugs!!!
And perfection wasn’t done with us either.
Check out @banguweng in Little Blue Hearts .
This one got more appreciation, but it still didn’t break 1000 likes.
Again, no wonder she split after her sole Hopeful attempt.
[it appeared at this point that Hopefuls had entirely eaten the lunches of the Pink royalty (in a way, they had)]
Banguweng was wielding WORLD-CLASS tits!!!
AMAZING.
Hard to follow that, but @cruella did nicely with Pirateology Storytime .
Not sure who the photographer was here (no credit), but they deserve a pat on the back for the clear, well-lit, poppin’ photographs.
Also good was @adria in Swamp Witch .
In case anyone is thinking, “this must have been a slow time for SG,” Swamp Witch got over 5000 likes.
It’s a good set.
I dig it!
Ok, but, no more fucking around.
Gimme perfection.
Wish granted with @astatine in her final (?) set Oasis .
This one got over 3000 likes.
And they were well-deserved.
Perfect boobs—shot artfully by @lorelei .
Fucking AMAZING!!!
Let’s not forget @kensho in her Hopeful debut (yes, she stuck around for a few sets) Kitchen Etiquette .
This one makes genius usage of white cake icing (on her face) in frames 8 and 14.
It’s a shame she didn’t stay on that riff!
But fear not: it’s @traciejosephine in her PERFECT set Red .
It got less than 500 [sic] likes.
Maybe it’s why she hasn’t made another in the past 14 years.
Beautiful, bronze shirt puppies.
Perfect set!!!
But wait, there’s more PERFECTION.
It’s @jensen in her debut Doing It With…
I tipped this self-shot (!) masterpiece yesterday.
Lemme tell ya why.
I would call these Renoir breasts (Pierre-Auguste…not to be confused with his equally-talented film-director son Jean).
One rarely sees such primrose-pink perfection on SG as Jensen.
Fucking AMAZING!!!
Following that is gonna be hella-hard, but props to @anastassia for almost equaling Jensen.
Check out Anastassia’s GREAT set Risky Business .
This gal had some one-of-a-kind areolas.
And dig that faint blue vein in the final frame!!
[more veins…I love boob veins…don’t airbrush that shit out]
Also GREAT was @extasy in her sole Hopeful set Secret Garden .
VERY impressive boobs!!
But sometimes good is enough.
We don’t always need perfect or great.
I dig @lovemetalcat in her only Hopeful set Cave In .
Super-cute!
Also good was @setsuka in her debut Samadhi .
Very pretty!
And dig that pose in frame 13.
Impressive!
Good kept coming in with @sawa in Necker .
Best thing about this set (to my eyes) are the sultry shots of just her head sticking out of the water.
Very seductive!
How about some great?
It’s @judde in her debut White Out .
This set is ABSOLUTELY ON THE VERGE of being a perfect set (without quite getting there).
Hey, it was her first time out.
Phenomenal!!
And don’t forget @patton in the amazingly-titled Cuddle Slut .
It is at this point that we should talk about the photographer who was KILLING IT (in a good way) this month: the fabulous @alissa .
Check out the one-butt-cheek shot 10 from the end in Patton’s set.
Never seen that on SG before.
Highlight of the set!
Then things elevated with three great sets.
First is a multi (I hate multis) starring @casanova and @phecda .
Here, again, the photographer is Alissa.
I mean…Phecda was just REALLY well-endowed!!
So that’s always a treat.
But this shoot is more than just some big tits.
Indeed, the real star (believe it or not) is Casanova.
Check out shot 22.
Casanova looking up at Phecda.
Sexy shit!!
[and photographic genius]
Also great was @riae in a catty set called Hot Tin Roof .
From Tennessee to Timbuktu, this is some good shit.
If only there had been more shots like frame 9, I probably would have rated it a perfect set.
Also great was the genius-named (pick a good name) @corgan in her debut Life Aquatic .
This one is also REALLY CLOSE to being a perfect set.
Shot 11 is mind-blowing!!
More close-ups.
More little veins.
Continuing with her ass-kicking month was @alissa photographing @radeo in Semantics .
Radeo is a quintessential Suicide Girl.
Black hair.
Black lingerie.
Definitely a Bettie Page vibe here.
And the key shot is #14.
Genius teamwork by model and photographer.
What a pose!
Alright, all rise for the final (?) set by SG’s first big star—the Elvis of Suicide Girls.
It’s @mary in Sun Flares .
Mary seems to have “left the building” after this one.
So don’t go tearing apart SGHQ because she ain’t in there (probably).
I’ve tipped Mary before.
But something occurred to me at this point in my research: YOU CAN TIP (some) PHOTOGRAPHERS.
What a revelation!
So, I proceeded to do just that: I tipped the Sam Philips of this Sun Records operation (@missy ).
It’s only fitting.
To my eyes, Missy was clearly the first IMMORTAL photographer of SG.
She would be followed in the first nine years by two more immortals: @p_mod and @alissa .
These three make up my “hall of fame” for Suicide Girls photographers.
By the way, I should point out that Missy is a very gracious person.
So, if you are perusing old SG sets and find that she or Alissa shot them, consider tipping THE PHOTOGRAPHER.
Missy and Alissa are both awesome people (in my opinion).
That matters.
A lot!
Ok, back to this set (which warranted me tipping the photographer).
Sun Flares may very well be Mary’s best work.
Shot 22 is high art (think MoMA).
Dig that slightly-tortured pose and smart framing.
I think artists from Egon Schiele to Francis Bacon (the Irish one…not Lord Verulam) could appreciate that pose and camera capture.
What else jumps out in this PERFECT set?
That “heavy handfuls” shot 6 from the end has me apoplectic with lust!!!
Perfect set.
Now for Mary’s after party.
[did Elvis have DJs who followed him (other than D.J. Fontana)?]
The unenviable task of following Mary was actually…ACED by ANOTHER perfect set.
Who aced it?
@buellher
I’m pretty sure I tipped The Soloist , but I was still in shell shock from Mary’s set, so I can’t be certain.
One thing is certain: Buellher is an exquisite specimen of woman.
Check out the shot 5 from the end.
PER-FECT SET!!!
Mercifully, @bobbi_dean gave me a bit of a breather with a cuppa Tea .
This set is fascinating.
As a Hopeful, Bobbi_Dean (not sure about that handle [brevity!]) got 1700+ [sic] likes on her only set.
Frankly, I don’t see it.
Seems pretty pedestrian to me.
Good, but not great (and certainly not perfect).
Ah, well…what the fuck do I know?
Just as good (if not better) was @zephyr in her debut Daylight .
This set, shot by @alissa , succeeds thanks to the contrast between Zephyr’s BOLD purple hair and her milky-white skin.
The best shot may very well be 6 from the end.
Very impressive!
Also good was @alexea in her debut Exquisite .
Beautiful breasts!
Then we got one more blast of perfection.
Along Came Trouble starring @tyra .
I definitely tipped this one.
Massive mammaries!!!
Perfect set.
Two more sets in this chapter.
First, it’s @janette in
Pretty-undeniable set.
I love shot 15!
And last, but not least, it’s @dice tumbling forth with a really fun and enjoyable set called Depth .
Perhaps there is something “deep” about enjoying oneself?
As it used to say on cans of Coke: Enjoy. ®️
—Pauly Deathwish