If you’ve ever wondered how Suicide Girls has stayed afloat all these years, look no further than the FABULOUS month of April 2010.
Truly, this has to be one of the very best eras in SG history.
And being a member of SG allows you to peruse the AMAZING archives.
Just go to “photos” and click on the drop-down menu to see years past.
Select the year and you are off to the races.
Sure, it’s a lot of scrolling after that, but finding GEMS is worth it.
And this month was a fucking mother lode!
Let’s get into it.
First up was @zula and she came out swinging with Graffiti .
First, she chooses these flowery tights that work perfectly for her paisley underground set.
And this Hopeful had some innovative ideas.
What about the jorts around the knees??
Nice!
But the real treats are her FLAWLESS [drool] legs!!
Fucking amazing.
Next set is perfect (and there were many, MANY perfect sets that month).
It’s @eddward in the aptly-named Picture Perfect .
This absolutely THERMONUCLEAR Hopeful set got 2400 (?!?) likes.
That would be astounding even by today’s standards, but it was DEVASTATING for 2010.
So this set brings up a very sticky issue: WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T THIS BITCH [lady] GO PINK?!?!?!
I mean…granted: she never made another set.
Perhaps she expected the world to be handed to her on a silver platter (it should have been!) and it wasn’t?
A lot of times, the “classic-era” sets I call “perfect” are hidden gems.
Some might call them “shit” or “overrated” (by me).
That’s fair.
This “history” I’m crafting is unabashedly-SUBJECTIVE.
Biased as fuck.
I like big, natural tits.
I like natural red hair.
Those are my kryptonites.
I’m a boob man.
And a nut for gingers.
So I understand that my taste in sets is very personal (not universal).
But, WHAT THE FUCK?!?
The members in 2010 OBVIOUSLY wanted this QUEEN to go Pink.
And it didn’t happen.
Why?
Did SG send her an email that read, “Congratulations, you have been selected to become a Suicide Girl”?
And was her reply, “Nah, I changed my mind.”???
I find that HIGHLY unlikely.
Did she stop making sets because going Pink was a “rigged game”?
Was it “who you knew”?
Did she “not fit the Suicide Girls image/brand”??
Bollocks.
This set is seriously-problematic in its awesomeness.
I mean, WHERE THA FUCK IS SHE NOW?!?
Read her bio.
“Office manager”.
Ok.
Unless she’s way up on the Dunder Mifflin chain of command, I imagine she could use a few extra bucks.
Alright, alright…I’ll shut up about it.
So why is it a perfect set???
She’s not a natural redhead, but it really suits her fair skin.
Points off?
Nah.
Not in this case.
These boobs are BIBLICAL.
And then there’s a fucking GIRAFFE in the shoot (not a real one, of course).
The photography is crisp and revelatory.
Seriously…these breasts could launch a thousand ships.
It is a lush symphony of pink and white.
And the members agreed.
I salute you, Eddward…whatever office you may be managing.
And I bet at age 35 that you STILL look HOT AS FUCK.
For the love of Gawd—MAKE ANOTHER SET.
PLEASE!!!
Ok, now that we got that out of the way.
Whew!
There’s really no following that.
Or is there???
In April 2010, there was.
How do you follow a perfect set?
With ANOTHER perfect set, of course!
And this one, Sliding Glass Doors , was courtesy of @koji .
This one was about 1/5th as popular as the previous set.
Which is to say, it was received with moderate enthusiasm by the community.
It ain’t all about the pink nipples (as much as it pains me to say that).
Koji was rocking what Mother Nature gave her…and her brown nips look stunning on those overflowing knockers!!!
Ok, it had to let up at some point.
…but not by much.
Behold the excellence of @parish in her debut Milk Bar .
This one is for the ass men.
Check out the tight peach on this babe.
Hubba hubba!
Also quite good was @komyt in her final (?) Hopeful set Crystal Eyes .
This one is for the leg-lovers.
Check out shots 5, 4, & 3 from the end.
A veritable feast of fishnet foxiness!
Things was gonna cool off, right?
WRONG.
It’s ANOTHER fucking PERFECT set…this time courtesy of @sindie .
Gawd DAMN…the Hopefuls were kicking the shit outta shit!!
Get a load of Cooking Up a Cupcake .
This babe had a magical rack and some wine-red areolæ…to which she then INGENIOUSLY applied PALE-BLUE ICING.
Fucking hell!
Yeah, just smeared that sugar rush all over her chest.
Perfect set.
And she was never heard from again.
One-and-done.
WTF?!?
This was another set that just didn’t get the recognition it deserved.
It’s likely she got discouraged (she had a good reason…she shoulda gone Pink just based on this effort) and threw in the towel after one round.
She was KO’d by herself.
She beat herself.
One win—one loss.
Zero-sum.
Everything gained.
Everything lost.
…except to us.
We can still gaze at these magical breasts glazed with frosting.
Keeping to the heat was @flaviola in a MASTERPIECE called Androginy .
Frame 11.
Bitch looks psychotic.
HAWT!
Frame 18.
She’s ready to be on the cover of Thrasher.
[skate or die, dude!]
Frame 23.
She’s back…up in your grill with pendulous breasts and MOXIE.
Frame I-Lost-Count.
She’s a fake plastic tree and she’s sprinkling her tits with a red plastic watering can.
Nice!
And finally, another close-up to finish it off.
Hair hanging in her face like a hirsute equator separating her intense eyes.
GREAT set!!
Also great was @ambitious in her only Hopeful set Ready to Serve .
If you like your tits pointy as the Enola Gay, check out this total pin-up BABE!!
ALSO great was @zuri_suicide in Soda Jerk .
This set is GENIUS.
First, there’s the suggestive title.
[titles are so important]
“Think about it,” as Jerry Lee would exhort us to do.
Then there’s the pictures.
It verges on hand porn.
And I’ve never seen a plain-ole brown bottle used to such erotic effect.
She gives you a LOOK as she swigs that beer (root beer?).
WHAT A LOOK!
Positively-LASCIVIOUS.
The dark bottle makes its way down between her luminous tits.
And then down to her cooch.
The camera gets low to look up at her.
There’s a dramatic arc.
Simple, but effective.
Great set!!
And we can’t leave out @buffy who pleased with her debut Raison detre [sic].
Never mind diacritics and apostrophes, this shit is GOOD!
For the ink lovers, check out that sweet, orange tat on her left upper-arm.
Poppin’!
Greatness again with @boondocks_ in Pin Me Up .
A great rack and some hair Billie Holiday would have dug!
Superb!!
Let’s not forget @rainbow who gave us Cross My Heart .
That’s a pretty-unbeatable rack!
But beaten it was…soon enough…by @hardkory in her final (?) Hopeful set Whats About Dream The Woman? .
Exqueeze me?
Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck that title means either.
But no matter.
She overcame!
On sheer force of ORIGINALITY.
She got her man (or a man) to be the faceless groper of her set.
And it works great.
For two reasons.
First, we never see his face.
This makes it easier for us imagine ourselves in the drama.
Second, his tats match the vibe of her tats.
Which creates a sort of “Bela Lugosi wrestling an octopus” vibe.
And she has adorable dimples!!
Also great was @glitch in Mister Lynch .
Not sure if Twin Peaks or Blue Velvet.
Perhaps even Mulholland.
No matter.
It’s film noir.
And in color.
Like Vertigo.
But distinctly Lynchean.
And how does she pull this off?
It’s so effortless that it’s like having your pocket picked by the voice of Roy Orbison.
It is mysterious.
Perhaps it’s the one source of light…a tall lamp…against the tomato-red hotel walls.
Perhaps it’s the obtuse “art house” framing…you know, like 17 from the end (for instance).
It’s willfully artful.
And I dig it!
Plus, she has a juicy bum!!
Ok, we gotta get through all this excellence.
Next up was @disturbed_ with Rebel Lolita .
Among other things, this one has some poetic close-ups of her rosy areolas.
Also rockin’ was @monroe in Be Mine Forever .
This gal is such a cutie!
And she is captured lovingly (bathed in perfect light) by @alissa .
This set deserved lots more likes.
Go tip Monroe!
Ok, let’s kick it up a notch.
It’s California Breakfast starring @ailionora .
[line of coke and a wheat grass shot?]
This gal had AMAZING jugs.
Only problem is that she was too shy to show ‘em off.
What a shame.
You can catch a glimpse here and there.
This great set could have very easily been perfect had she embraced full-frontal nudity.
Ah, well…
Once upon a time, not all multi-girl sets were boring as fuck (yes, I know—hard to believe, right?).
One such exceptional set with ACTUAL passion and REASON FOR BEING (what a concept!) was a swan song (?) for @silvia and a penultimate (?) set for @verababy .
Check out how to NOT make a sucky multi…courtesy of this master class called Candy Kiss .
This set is believable.
Looks like a couple of gals ACTUALLY ENJOYING each other.
Also, the photography (by @shazzy ) is really fucking good!
Toe licking?
Check!
Shitting out a trail of psychedelic jellybeans?
More or less.
Nipple kissing?
Check!
Breathless, orgasmic poses of vulnerability?
Check check check!!!
In sum, what 98% of multi-girl sets lack.
“A couple of naked bitches” is not a concept.
And a multi-girl set shouldn’t be MORE BORING than a solo set (but it often is).
My theory is that models see multis as “vacations” (mental vacations).
And it shows!
They are just generally lazy miasmas of flailing limbs…pointless nudity.
Also, it helps if the models are attractive.
Two mediocre-looking models are gonna probably make a mediocre-looking multi.
UNLESS…they do something daring and GIVE A FUCK.
But what the fuck do I know?
I prefer solo sets.
And it just so happens we have a perfect one on deck.
It’s @phecda with 7 Minutes of Heaven .
Nothing a pair of massive mammaries can’t fix.
Jesus CHRIST.
This girl was PACKIN’!!!
This illustrious month continued with @madusa in her only Hopeful set Passing Time .
This high-contrast set (pale skin, dark hair, gaudy lipstick) was helped along by Madusa’s quite-nice boobulas.
Pretty fucking great set, actually!!
Also great was @charlie in Built .
This MASTERPIECE was captured by @albertine .
How did Charlie and Albertine work together to craft this engaging slab of lust?
Let’s examine.
The short hair looks so good.
The butch…androgyny…lesbian stylings.
Screws in the mouth (no, literally…like little threaded pieces of metal she’s holding between her lips…white wood screws).
Like a couple of joints.
One for her and one for…
Makita shoulda hired this gal.
She NAILED it!
[or drilled it]
Sweaty.
Drinking a glass of water.
Pouring white paint.
Mañual labor.
Charlie is just so fucking pretty.
Jaw-dropping.
Coming back down to earth a bit we have @blkfariewings in her only Hopeful set Grease Monkey .
Nice rack.
Nice hair.
I like the part where she’s sucking on her finger or whatever.
But the BEST shot is the one of her tickling that key with her tongue.
Stroke of genius!
Ok, next it’s the gal whose every set is pretty-much perfect.
And this one is no exception.
Go leave @clio a big, fat tip for her excellent work on Save a Place for Me because she is, indeed, the Queen of the Universe.
I mean, come on: God made no errors when He created Clio.
A-fucking-men and hallelujah!!!
How could any mere mortal follow the Queen of the Universe?
It was a tall task, but @decadense did admirably with her great set Cello Bella .
Man Ray would have loved this set.
Salvador Dalí would have loved this set.
Duke Ellington would have loved this set.
This was some genius shit from Decadense.
She paints herself like a cello.
And then starts bowing her belly.
I ain’t never seen that on this here SG afore now.
And she’s IN SHAPE.
And FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.
Plus, she captures some wicked-cool natural light on her pores.
Fucking awesome!!
Next we come to @asdis in her swan song (?) Wine Cellar .
This fleshy gal got tits and ass.
Lush spread!
Ok, no more fucking around.
We come to perfection in the person of @riese via her last stab (it seems) at stardom Pillow Talk .
This gal deserved better.
I woulda wifed her up in nanoseconds!!!
But now she all busy being an “industrial engineering specialist” and SHEET.
[seriously, call me, gurl]
Three great sets in a row comin’ atcha!
First is @vikitory in a blast of sunny citrus she called Green .
As far as Hopeful sets go, this is GOLD MEDAL shit.
Next great set is @binah in Gold Rush .
Bathed in the bronze of sunset.
Amazing breasts!!
And third, it’s the great work of @dandi in Abandoned Pool .
THIS SET is a throwback to the spirit of SG circa 2001 (nine years earlier).
This gal has BALLS (not literally).
Looking right in the camera.
Staring you down.
Sexy as hell!!
And she’s FIT.
[ain’t been eating a bunch of Twinkies]
She has spunk.
Spirit.
And the art direction is well-done.
Dig the final frames with les feuilles mortes strewn across her naked torso.
But don’t sleep on the talents of @nymph .
Check her set Happy Hour Shower .
Budweiser should have signed this babe.
Sexy!
Also good was @menina in her debut Almond .
A very pretty lady indeed!
And we gotta mention the great @pumpkin in her set Narcissism if for no other reason than that Orson Welles-like shot 3 from the end.
Amazing!
It would have been easier to list the average and below-average sets from this month (because there were very few of them).
But too late for that, so we push on with @adrianna in Angels Breakfast .
[PCP and communion wafers?]
This gal just cuts an IMAGE.
Maybe it’s that femme fatale hair.
She looks SHARP!
I love the crisp composition of this set.
And don’t leave the amazing month of April 2010 without seeing the FABULOUS legs of @lee in Hot Hot Heat .
But DO leave her a nice tip ;)
On we move to @galda in Ophelia Fancy .
A thick gal with cotton-candy hair??
Yes, please!
Ok.
Double-shot of perfection.
First, it’s @anya in her only SG set (?!?) Aint Talkin bout Love .
Perfect tits.
Amazing!!!
You make one set, get 4000 likes, and never make another???
There’s gotta be more to this story.
Her profile is “locked” (as are many of these old profiles).
And she has 1,999 [sic] followers.
Hmmm…
I don’t get it.
Anyway.
Nice boobs!
The next perfect set is @ilargia in her only Hopeful set Rocksound .
These some knockers to go to WAR for right here 100%!!!
Hard to follow that fusillade, but @alicewonder provides an admirable volley with True Romance .
8 & 9 shots from the end—looks like she’s shooting breast milk into a goblet (hawt!).
Of course, it’s just the play of light on the cup.
But it’s still good food (or beverage) for thought.
We all need a little @nemesis …and April 2010 was no exception to that rule.
Behold Une Ame solitaire .
Two shots from the end is an ass-man’s dream (I would imagine).
Even gives me wood.
Alright, I wanna take you higher (said Sly Stone).
It’s @tila with her only Hopeful set Toys in the Basement .
Plenty of tits.
Plenty of ass.
And some gigantic salami areolas.
Alright, another multi-girl set that surprisingly DOES NOT suck (yes, they existed…once upon a time).
For this one, we have to thank that photographic genius @p_mod (the second great SG photographer after the Founding Mother @missy ).
For the models, we have @hannalisa and @revenge .
It doesn’t suck because the photographer understands not to just CRAM a bunch of nudity into every frame.
You gotta leave space.
You gotta let the set breathe.
A close-up.
An “emptyish” shot.
Space.
Breath.
Light.
THEN the nudity hits with the POWER it can pack.
Most multi-girl sets are the same boring shot 30 times in a row.
With uncreative lighting.
And uncreative art direction.
Art direction can be the backdrops.
That’s a big part of it.
But it’s also costumes.
And poses.
Focusing on costumes, don’t just rely on “I look hot in this”.
Maybe you do, BUT it may not translate well to film.
There has to be a HARMONY (or a purposful CLASH) to the colors of the outfit and the background.
Pick the outfit you look hottest in…IN RELATION TO YOUR BACKGROUND.
That’s just two elements.
Background (location [scouting]).
Wardrobe (lingerie, etc.).
What else?
P_mod and Hannalisa and Revenge made DAMN SURE that one of the models was gonna be as scintillating as a ginger fox and the other as jet-black as Satan.
And this MOTHERFUCKER of a contrast was gonna be set against a milky-white, dreamy background.
Not hazy, but clear.
Clear and bright-white.
Lots of light.
But not over saturated.
C/R/I/S/P
But all of this would have been for nought had some perverted soul not thought of having the two models share a LONG piece of chocolate.
mouth to mouth
Those two shots seal the deal.
This is not an average multi-set.
It’s not a mental vacation.
It is a VISION.
Brought to LIFE.
Don’t have an artistic vision for your next set?
That’s ok.
But find someone to help you with that.
WELL-BEFORE it’s time to shoot.
Be brave.
Be bold.
Be different.
Ok, three perfect sets in a row (I shit you not).
First is @ckoz in an INSANE, GONZO set entitled Arts and Crafts .
Sounds mundane, right?
But this set veers from Jackson Pollock and Yves Klein to Robert Rauschenberg and Willem de Kooning.
It has the innocence and charm of Jean Dubuffet.
Art brut (motherfucker!).
Plus she got a perfect rack.
Next perfect set is @novajade in Pain is Beauty .
Again, when you got tits like that, you don’t have to be particularly creative.
Finally, this trio of perfection (hat trick) is capped by @glitz in Stunner .
Amazing breasts!!!
Too much perfection…I need a break.
It’s @joliette in her awesome set Rise .
What a beautiful gal!
And what a cute rack to cheer you up!
Ok, back to perfection.
It’s @celadon in Break and Run .
If you like billiards, you gotta check this one out.
Amazing breasts (it almost goes without saying).
And she has a Bat Boy tattoo!!
There are just so many well-placed details in this set.
Go tip this Hopeful [yes, a Hopeful from 2010 that you can actually tip…imagine that].
Ok, 13 more sets.
Three great ones in a row.
First is @kingston in You Can Leave Your Hat On .
This gal had some magical boobs.
I really dig her!!
Kinda girl you fall in love with, you know?
Next is @king with Love Potion No5 .
Classy and seductive!!
And finally, in this trio, is @noordelijke with her Hopeful debut Red Air .
Truly-astounding jugs!!
Not forgetting to breathe occasionally, we have @mandajune in Day Off .
Go tip this young lady!
[yes, she’s young compared to me]
Alright, now for some pyrotechnics thanks to @levee .
Check out her set Ring Ring .
This girl is absolutely perfect.
What a princess!!
And what a shame she decided to part ways with SG.
Next we got @sylvan in her debut Nomadic Love .
Super-cuddly pair of tits.
[not sure why we can’t tip her]
Even better was @jessikitten in her debut Eye Candy .
Big, heavy tits??
Yes, please!!
And yet again we recognize the excellence of @antigone .
This time it is for her set Here Kitty Kitty .
This one is just very visually-appealing.
Looks like she’s on the set of Hollywood Squares.
Or The Dating Game.
The color scheme is blue and brown.
Very retro.
‘60s-‘70s.
But it works.
And it forms a nice backdrop for her beauty.
Ok, five more and we can put a fork in this month.
First is a great set by @arquette .
It’s her debut—entitled Bang Bang .
What a beauty!!
Reminds me of Brigitte Bardot.
And then we come to my favorite set of the month [yes, you heard that correctly].
I tipped this set yesterday, and the little lady was kind enough to write me a note of thanks.
Ladies and gentlemen, please view (AND TIP) @virtue in her debut Counting Sheep .
This PERFECT set is buoyed by a magical, absolutely-otherworldly pair of breasts.
Modigliani would have jumped at the chance to paint this goddess in the nude.
Finally, we end with three notable sets that deserve mention.
First is @sileny in her only Hopeful set Air .
This refreshing feast of light features a buxom model with a great smile.
Next we have @citypunk in her final (?) Hopeful set Oberbaum .
Great tattoos, a great butt, and a great pair of legs!
Finally, mercifully, we come to the end of this GLORIOUS month (be careful what you wish for).
It’s @helliza in her only Hopeful set Going Down .
Thing I like about this one is her use of that big, industrial chain.
Who doesn’t like to see some chain in an ass crack?!?
—Pauly Deathwish
