I am happy to report that July 2009 was a good month.
Not the best of times, perhaps.
And certainly not the worst.
So strap yourselves in and toast your chestnuts to some summery T & A from 15 years past.
First moving the needle was @raynne in A Million Ways .
It’s a nice, notable Hopeful set.
She didn’t go Pink.
But this was an enjoyable collection of photos.
I hope she’s doing well.
Turn that burner up and welcome @puhtrishuh with her great spread Ye Old Leather Shop! .
This gal had some massive mammaries.
She could have been a star!!
But, alas, she is another Hopeful who did not go Pink.
Next we come to the flame of perfection that is @wenn in Morning Coffee .
She ABSOLUTELY should have gone Pink.
HOWEVER, she was a one-and-done Hopeful.
If you’re used to the world being served to you on a silver platter, Suicide Girls may not be the place for you.
You gotta WORK.
Wenn only made one set.
Seems maybe she just didn’t want it enough.
Shame.
Could have been a MASSIVE star!!!
Also HOT was the greatness of @evangeline in Through the Roof .
Like Willy Wonka in his glass elevator, it was her last set as a Suicide Girl.
This gal had a rockin’ body!!
And though not usually a fan of tan lines (or even tans [stay pale, San Diego]),I like how it looks on Evangeline.
Longfellow would have been proud!
Also blooming in the dooryard was @lilac in Flirting With Summer .
This gal was REALLY pretty.
Dig that penultimate photo.
Like Anna Karina circa Made in U.S.A.
Another hit-it-and-quit-it Hopeful of note was @cannabisia in her sole set Enigma .
This aptly-named set of variations features her brooding, smoldering good looks.
Very good!
Also clocking in with quality was @minarose in Grand Entrance .
Pretty fucking good!
Likewise, we had @nymph with Little Girlscout .
Very pretty areolas!
But my favorite shot is that last one—a candid snap of a mouthful of cookie crumbs.
Hot!
Speaking of, the heat rose again with @phoelix in Strawberries .
Such an amazing work of quality!!
And her only set.
Should she have gone Pink?
Yes.
Did she?
No.
Why?
Maybe because she expected the world to be her oyster??
Frankly, she deserved it.
But that ain’t always how it works.
All we see is that she made one (just one) effort to become a Suicide Girl.
Gotta want it more than that.
Likewise hot-cha-cha was @kiefer in Prickly .
Like a cactus thief in the night, she stole our hearts with this masterwork which was captured by Photographer of the Month ®️ @cherry .
Kiefer is cute.
Cherry made her look like a fucking QUEEN.
An IMMORTAL GODDESS.
THAT’s the kind of photographer you want!!
N.B. The set is powered by a rather unique and minimalist color palette: yellow and blue.
It works very, very well.
Also on high-heat was @calista in Exam Cram .
Pretty stunning rack!!
Back to our lens auteur @cherry and her collaboration with an excellent model @fractal (a formidable photographer in her own right).
This was her penultimate (?) set.
Lovespell is gothic and elegant.
Check it out!!
[writing tip…if you want to convey a large amount of data with pithy economy of means (à la Hemingway), write on a full bladder until the need to relieve yourself becomes excruciatingly-pressing]
One hot tamale from July 2009 was @jessifawn in Rock Hard .
I am usually left unconvinced by these sets where model and photographer are apparently in different ZIP codes, but Jessifawn is enough of a babe for me to break out my Sherlock Holmes kit so I can see what the fuck I’m looking at.
She coulda been a contenda.
Get closer to the camera, Hopefuls.
Ok, next we got thrice-told perfection.
First is @cubbin with Lady Into Fox .
I tipped this set two days ago.
Lemme tell you why.
Amazing rack.
Amazing photography.
And those DIVINE areolæ!!!
She just made this one set.
It was a Grand Slam.
The next royal flush was delivered by @sedora in Platinum .
I would have tipped this perfect set.
But I couldn’t.
Because the tipping (not just a city in China) function has been turned off on her profile.
Her page doesn’t list a year when she parted ways with the site.
Hmmm…
I’ve seen a few like this.
What’s up wit dat?!?
Anyhow, Sedora has some maximum honkers (replete with salami areolas big enough to put your coffee cup on).
FUCKING HELL!!!
Good shit.
The third perfect set from week two of July 2009 was, to my eyes, Hot as Hell starring @ayastigi .
I tipped this beaut two days ago as well.
Big natural breasts are my religion.
Just paying homage.
This fine month kept clicking with @bushka in The Peacock Queen .
Like a flashback to the artistry of Sergei Parajanov, The Peacock Queen succeeds due to its mystical, intoxicating mastery of color.
Shoutout to @dwam regarding the camerawork here.
Fucking awesome!
And we can’t leave out a stalwart STAR like @sash .
She clocked in with a great set entitled Redrum .
This gal is a FOX!!
Go tip her immediately!
And I gotta hand it to @magritte in her debut Hopeful set Experimental Gardening .
First of all, this gal was obviously a fucking genius.
You don’t choose a name like Magritte and proceed to reel off content named Experimental Gardening if you’re not.
But in addition to her Mensan IQ, she is an adorable Naiad (not to be confused with NIAID).
My favorite shot is the one of her licking the rind of a lime still on its branch.
Bizarre is sexy!
Ok, let’s stop fucking around.
Gimme gimme great!!
It’s @leitha with the shockiningly-good Only For You .
This one’s for the ass men.
Gawk shots five and six from the end.
What an ass!!
But still we want more.
And we pull out all the stops with @lavonia in 1969 Summertime .
I’m almost certain I tipped this one two days ago, but I can’t be sure as her set gave me the most pleasant concussion.
The beauty mark on the left boob is TO DIE FOR!
And what a pair of breasts they are!!
Good gawd, y’all!!!
Holy fucking shit…
What a handiwork of God almighty.
Those diving freckles.
Here and there.
Truly the Milky Way.
Keeping the heat on was @katrina in her Natural Habitat .
Any set that has a close-up of Montgomery glands is a big-time winner in my book!!
But perfection was rapping at our chamber door again in the form of @hunter .
The perfect set in question was That’s My Name .
You want tits?
Three from the end.
You want a powdered rump?
Four from the end.
I can find no fault with this set.
Perfect!!!
But let’s not forget notable.
Notable is necessary.
And we soon get it thanks to @paonia in what seems to be her swan song Romance of the Rose .
I can’t pass up a good areola.
Hence the mention.
Even greater is @opaque in Impish .
This masterwork of color features her reddish dreads against a background of yellow-green.
This very painterly set is further refined by its use of mint-green stockings.
Finally, her liberally-powdered skin makes for a luminous, radiant focal point which the camera loves.
What a fucking amazing set!!
Props to @zoetica for capturing this timeless, priceless slice of pin-up artistry.
I like a good @revenge movie, and I also like sets such as Wash&Roll .
This nearly-monochromatic debut is focused and effective.
I love the drama of it!
It is bold, electric, and GLAM.
Also notable is @bexi in her swan song Workaround .
Pale skin.
Black hair.
A simple yin and yang.
And this dichotomy is offset by the delightful arabesque of the bright-gold background.
Very effective!
Continuing the notability was @callioppe in her debut My Summer Vacation .
What I love about this one is its luscious summer VIBE.
Those lazy, warm nights where anything can happen.
Where sexuality is in the air.
And how does Callioppe convey this?
Through light.
And shadow.
And the golden glaze of the magic hour.
And through the wild blossoms of nature.
Everything intermingled and entwined.
Fine work!
Also very good was @drusylla in Reflections .
Check out that rad chest piece!
Is that Q the Winged Serpent?
At any rate, this gal has some lovely brown nipples.
Very, very pretty!
“Kick it up a notch!”
Can do, imaginary heckler.
I give you @neyrissa in her last outing Rubber Ducky .
Yellow and blue (once again).
And that bleach-blonde chop is HOT!
As smooth as General Snus!!
I dug DEEP in my pockets (through the hole and right down into my boot) to tip @ginjer in Dark Blue .
Absolute, make-you-weep perfection!!!
Ok, nine more.
First is @nijichan in Sake Time .
It looks like a Hawaiian shave ice hut threw up on her hair.
Trippy!
I dig it.
Next we have @mika in Chat Noir .
I love that penultimate chest close-up.
Yummy!
You can’t be rockin’ a pin-up model name like @mansfield and not be packin’ some heat.
And heat is what we encounter with her set Pink Roses .
She shoulda gone Pink.
But she also shoulda made more than one set.
And not shied away from full-frontal nudity.
If you got ginormous jugs, show dem tings off!!
Clocking in with a boiling temp as well was @calico basking in the Morning Sun .
She made one Hopeful set.
And five years later was saying “goodbye” to the site.
Hmmm…
Yeah, that ain’t how it works.
Life.
You gotta keep punching.
Anyhow, she did land a pretty devastating right hook owing to a cute face and decent rack.
She had the tools.
But she only took them out of the toolbox that one time.
Ah well…
Several models made multiple sets this month.
One notable overachiever was @shwitchblade —particularly in her second set Flashdance .
Nice boobs and a trashy, gaudy aesthetic.
I dig it!
Hot on her heels was @aubreyrose in Broken Strings .
Wrinkles can be attractive.
Dig on her wrinkly nose in the photo where she’s chewing the string off her wrist.
I love a good nose.
Sexy!
Ok, three more.
The first and third are perfect.
But I think I may have been too broke to tip by that point.
First was @riese in Angel Trumpet .
This one really stumps me.
She had a magnificent pair of knockers.
And this set got almost 1000 likes (that was a TON for a Hopeful in those days).
PLUS, she made PLENTY of sets.
So why the fuck didn’t she go Pink?!?
Truly a crime against humanity.
Next we warm it up one more time with @denie in Time Goes By .
If you’re a Suicide Girl without any followers, and you’re not following anyone, you went to some extraordinary lengths to not be found.
And that is the case with Denie.
But I found her.
And this set is good.
Pretty face.
Nice boobs.
Nice golden-brown nipples.
Very nice!
We end with another chunk of perfection courtesy of @storax in Fire and Water .
This is the product of a one-and-done Hopeful who should have gone Pink.
But she didn’t help her case by making only one set.
But this fucking set is UNDENIABLE.
Jesus Christ!!!
Somebody give her my digits!
Holy Hell!!
I gotta go stick my head in the icebox after that one…
—Pauly Deathwish
