Crack open that bottle of gin.
Tear open that pack of smokes.
It’s New Year’s.
And we are looking at June 2009.
14 1/2 years ago.
2009 was a sort of “golden era” at SG.
But this month (June) was undeniably a clunker.
Ah well.
Not every month can be the best.
Rather than make fun of the fake tits and lack of creativity (as fun as that might be to read), I am opting for the high road.
I am gonna show you the BEST of 2009 (in my humble, boobman-biased opinion).
Don’t worry, ass lovers: there’s stuff in this chapter for you too!
We start with @cori and her very strong set Pretty Young Thing .
Here we have an iconic set.
So on this Eve of a New Year, enjoy this Louise Brooks-esque flapper and her svelte, jet-black hair.
Killer hair!!
The shots that really make this spread special are the candid ones where she is smiling.
We see she is human.
And we can relate to that.
She’s laughing.
She’s mischievous.
Great work!
Next we come to @liu in Runaway Bride .
This one is all about the ASS (and those amazing, white stockings [see-through!] framing her honeyed complexion).
This one definitely has a nice helping of leg art in it.
Well-done!
Then we come to the perfection of an SG “all-star”.
It’s @wendy in her penultimate (?) set Does Ohio .
She has a touch of a tan.
Sun-kissed.
And some fair breasts.
GARGANTUAN jugs.
Lemme tell ya…
This set is really well shot.
There is a predominance of the color white in the backgrounds.
This shows off her golden bits.
And what a bunch of bits they are!!!
I didn’t tip this set because I don’t really think Wendy checks into the site anymore.
I tipped her once before.
I don’t want my check for $5 to end up in Grandma SG’s top drawer with all the other uncashed checks.
So I kept my powder dry on this one.
Now for a strong multi (and I say that as one who loathes multis).
Props to @doctor and @lillithvain for their collaboration Medical Malice .
This one is spooky!
What with the poison (mouthwash?) dripping down one gal’s chin.
Eerie.
Creepy.
And sexy!
This set has drama.
And creativity.
I dig that.
Great job, ladies!
And make sure to stop by @lillithvain ‘s page.
She is an awesome gal and remains active on SG.
Go tip her sets.
Right now!!!
Another “golden age of SG” model who is still active on the site is @yesenia .
And she dropped her debut in June 2009: The Watering Hole .
This one is for the ass men.
Find that bum close-up seven rows down.
Nice!
Also contributing value to the site was @casper with her set POV Perv .
Here we have another quintessential Suicide Girl (pale skin, black hair…)—and I am loving it.
This set is also creepy in a way.
The photography—heavy on close-ups—makes this a memorable, striking, BOLD set.
Black hair pops against a snow-white complexion.
Goth girl 101.
But let’s kick it up a notch.
Say hello to @missdenim in in the first of her two Hopeful sets: Denim Demon .
Yes, that’s right.
Here was AGAIN a month where Hopefuls were quite often making BETTER SETS than Suicide Girls, but not being rewarded by going Pink
Don’t get me wrong.
This isn’t a perfect set.
But it is miles ahead of the truckload of shite that constitutes June 1-21, 2009.
Why?
Because she has talent.
What is talent in this context?
She looks good naked.
She doesn’t play the fucking flute.
She doesn’t have a plan for peace in the Middle East.
She merely has a pretty good rack.
And in this saline-implanted desert, that makes her pretty fucking special.
She’s a person who made a good decision by modeling.
Sadly, the silicone valleys won (it seems).
Her beautiful, natural boobs were lost in the shuffle.
They don’t jump out at you.
But gimme these shirt puppies any day over the fake ones.
It’s gotta be hard to try an be a Suicide Girl (real) while packing specious tits.
Some gals pull it off.
For the sake of modeling, I would recommend AGAINST breast implants.
Got small tits?
No problem.
Focus on the ass.
Lots of ass shots.
Don’t waste photos on a lackluster chest.
Got small tits and no ass?
Make sure to get SMART tattoos.
Artful.
And use your brain.
Make THE BEST, most creative sets.
Flat-chested, ass-less, and dumb as a box of rocks???
Consider accounting.
Moving on to more good stuff we arrive at @squeak and her set Transmogrification .
First of all, talk about a fucking DOLLAR word.
Jesus!
I had to look that one up.
So I gotta say 10/10 on the title.
The set itself is quite cool too.
I would say it has a cyberpunk vibe, but maybe the aesthetic is more America Online.
Anyhow, it’s creative.
And I dig it!
Next up is the lovely @lyyti in her one-and-only Hopeful set Pioneer Daze .
A bit of Puritan porn (as it were).
Cool headgear!
And I dig the David Lynch vibe.
Also, the lighting in this one is REALLY unique.
Very cinematic.
The word I use to describe @cherish is, funny enough, cherish.
Fancy that!
Check out her swan song Night Clubbin .
This one has something for everyone.
Most notably, this Suicide Girl was REALLY pretty!
She was Pink for two years and then decided to part ways with the site.
Too bad.
Around this point in the month (June 7th) things started to get rough.
There was about of week of really weak sets.
The saving graces were @rancidsalvation in On Stage and @verababy in her debut Pink Floyd .
Rancidsalvation was a Hopeful with a luscious rack who made just that one set.
Verababy appears to be that odd conundrum of Suicide Girl in good standing as well as a Pink you can’t tip.
Her debut set was super-smart in its evocation of The Wall.
And she has a cute bum!
Ok, let’s kick it up a notch.
Because we (mercifully!) can.
Finally a set dropped that approached perfection.
While not quite there, it does achieve greatness.
And it is, of all things, a MULTI (believe it or not).
For California Girls we have @llana and @sinsemilla .
Llana hasn’t made a set since then.
Sinsemilla went so far as to end her association with SG after this set.
But it’s a damn good one.
If you wanna see a couple of busty Latinas licking each other’s nipples, this is the set for you.
Steamy!!
We also find the good work of @countessa in her debut Australia .
This one has an amazing outback vibe.
And she has a nice ass!
The mostly-shite month rolled on but finally lighted upon @fiona is her notable spread Rabbits and Rainbows .
If you need to see a Latina booty in some black fishnets (who doesn’t?!?), dig on this groovy set!
Speaking of penultimate and quintessential, @mary started her SG career as a pale goth girl.
I much prefer that look to her later “tanned, golden goddess” approach.
In her second-to-last (?) set, Mary returns to her pasty roots.
And I love it!!
In Silver Whispers she’s as powered as a raspberry jelly donut.
But seriously, she looks super goddamn stylish here!!
I still maintain that Mary is the Elvis Presley of SG (the site’s first big star) and @missy is our SG Sam Phillips (the auteur who captured the birth of this alt pin-up phenomenon known as Suicide Girls).
Putting the third week of June out of its misery (truly a coup de grâce) was @zoli in To Be Bound .
There’s lots of amazing stuff about this GREAT set, but I think what really ties the room together (besides the rug, of course) is the blue color timing—that cold lighting you might recognize from The Royal Tenenbaums.
…and then nothing turned itself inside out.
The FOURTH and final week of June 2009 is FUCKING AWESOME.
I did NOT see that one coming!
The ship started righting itself with a helping hand from @ajilee who was Worked Up and So Sexual .
Pretty fucking good!
And it got better.
Soon.
Taking it to the next level was @renna with the redhead magic of Lumiere .
Very fucking sexy!!
Also great was @nightly in Finger Painting .
This young, gifted, and black Hopeful deserved to go Pink.
But she did not.
Despite giving it two good attempts.
This was the second.
She looks pretty fucking amazing to me!!
One gal made TWO sets during this dismal month.
We gotta give @sheyva props for her set High Heat .
Ten shots from the end is the most ridiculous pasta (!) close-up (!!) I’ve ever seen on SG.
Seriously.
No tits.
No ass.
Just a close-up on some rather pedestrian-looking noodles.
What the actual fuck?!?
Talk about quintessential.
That shot sums up MOST of June 2009.
…but not all of it.
It was at this point that I finally shot my meager five-dollar wad.
The recipient of my benison?
It was @kamikaze in Mr Darcy .
Now THOSE are some goddamn mammaries!!!
Keeping it going was @akemi in her swan song Another Innocent Girl .
This one is for the ass men.
That is a rump to behold!
Astounding.
And then we were back to perfection with @carmelita who was Cookin in Brooklyn .
I was skint as fuck by this point.
I got several bartenders to support.
Or, more accurately, several major dog food manufacturers who depend on my revenue stream.
Maybe I should buy a dog to go with the food?
Nah, then I’d have to share with him.
And he’d be trying to eat outta my bowl and shit.
Anyhow, tip Carmelita if you can.
Those are some boobs to DIE for right there!!!
The perfection continued with @eilonwy in Riverside Sun .
One of the best sets I’ve ever seen on SG.
How the fuck this bitch not go Pink?!?
Good GAWD!!!
At a very high level as well was @rockgirl0204 in her one-and-only Hopeful set In the Afternoon .
Would have probably been a perfect set had she broken down and actually done a bit of full-frontal nudity.
But no worry.
Perfection struck again with @jyeza in her sole Hopeful set Old Fashioned Heart .
BIG FUCKING JUGS!!!
Coming in very strong as well was @fraxina in Friendship Cove .
It was her only attempt as a Hopeful.
Considering the first three torturous weeks of June 2009, this little lady probably should have gone Pink.
But it’s hard to tell.
Because no real full-frontal nudity.
Ah well.
One model I got no doubts about is @sallydollie and her set Easy Going .
She positively should have gone Pink.
But she just made this one Hopeful set.
It’s goddamn genius!!!
Finishing out the month were three fine ladies.
First was @uva in her suggestive set Veggie Picnic .
Excellent hand work in this one.
She also looks like she’s about to suck a slice of banana off a fork.
Strong work!
The last two are very strong.
First of these is a real fave of mine.
It’s not her best work, but @mantaraye is still great in Alley Walk .
Glorious breasts!!
And finally we end June appropriately with @july in Morning Glory .
Redheads don’t get much hotter than this.
And she gives us hope.
Hope that the next month will return us to the golden era.
And hope that this desert stretch was just an unfortunate aberration.
—Pauly Deathwish
