Alright, motherfuckers.
Get ready for another exciting installment of TITS AND ASS.
Yeah, you gotta click the links.
I can’t click the links for you.
But I will provide you all the links so you don’t have to dig back through the archives (unless you want to…then be my guest).
The month was May 2008.
It took a few days to heat up.
The first set to really bubble up was The Champagne Room by @smurf .
This set has it all: great little breasts, some pear-shaped ass perfection, and some staples of classic pin-up style.
What do I mean by that last thing?
Check out that bold lipstick Smurf is wearing.
And dig that sexy George Washington hairdo she has going on.
If Rosie the Riveter was a blond and she was heading out on the town after building bombers in the factory all day, she might look something like this.
That powdered-sugar, sweet-lemon blond hair.
Soft.
Dreamy.
And the contrast is that kick-in-the-nuts lipstick.
I love it!
But I gotta “big up” @moxi for what I consider to be a truly perfect set: English Tea .
It was her debut.
Send the redheads with big-natural boobs my way.
It is my poison.
Kryptonite.
Opium.
This set is like a fucking nuke going off.
God damn.
But I gotta (again) hand it to @nixon for pushing the envelope.
This time, it’s a multi with (I think) @fractal entitled Bible Thumpers .
I think Henry Miller would dig this sacrilicious set.
And I’m sure I’m also gonna run across a set in the archives that does something similar with the Quran, right?
Right???
If your dream girl is a Bowie fan with great little shirt puppies, groove on the stylings of @moi in Lets Dance .
YAS!
Ok.
Time for another perfect set.
It’s @togo in Pajama Party .
Yes, Hopefuls can make perfect sets.
And still not go Pink.
And it pains me every time I find one of these.
What in the actual fuck?!?
This pigtail princess had some milkers that would melt the Swiss Alps.
And a poetic face to extinguish all doubt.
But it wasn’t enough.
Less than 200 likes.
In 15 years.
Damn.
But we move on to another exceptional set.
If you close the door, the night could last forever.
Yes, here we have another Hopeful (@lys_mtl) kicking the shit out of shit in Afterhours .
What an absolute princess!!
Apparently SG had lots of vision-impaired members in 2008.
WTF.
Another set with less than 200 likes in 15 years.
SMH.
But we gotta stay positive, so we go to @rainbow in Cutie .
It was her debut.
And she became a Suicide Girl (parting ways with the site five years later).
Good set!
Even more impressive is the debut by @vesta titled Soleil .
This girl is a gem!!
Go tip this set.
If Harmony Korine’s on SG, he might get a kick out of Spaghetti Mess starring @popalina .
Somebody pass the emperor tomato ketchup.
Clean up on aisle…
BASS.
How low can you go?
Let @karyna take you down in her debut Bass Guitar .
Somebody go tip that sex kitten!!
Great set.
And also a great collection of pictures.
Hardy har har.
Exceptional sets kept on coming.
The next to catch my eye was Suite Pea’s Bed starring @suitepea (another Hopeful who kinda got shafted).
But let’s (me) stop bitching and moaning.
The market decides what is best (valuable).
How?
By hitting the like button.
By leaving effusive comments.
By (God forbid) tipping.
The market gave Suitepea’s only set a thumbs-down.
I don’t know…my thumb gets pretty excited over this one.
Actually, very fucking excited!!
But I’m not the market.
I am but one consumer of pin-up photography.
I get (these days) but one like.
I can hit like.
I can even urge other people to hit like.
But I can’t really FORCE anyone to hit like.
I can urge the market (SG members) to tip a certain set, but I can’t really FORCE them to tip it.
And thus the market decides.
Something to ponder: how had the tastes of SG members collectively changed in the seven years between SG’s 2001 birth and this page on the calendar seven years later (2008) on which we now find ourselves?
In the stead of answering, let’s consider another great set: Glamour starring @knitzy .
What a fox!!
Another good debut from May 2008 was After Many Nights by @archie .
What a cutie!
But let’s kick it up a notch with @zoey in Scrub .
This gal is a total sexpot!!
Jesus.
Ok, ready for another perfect set?
Regardless, it’s @ayne in Nice? Naughty… .
ANOTHER Hopeful who made a perfect set.
And never went Pink.
This one particularly breaks my heart because she wasn’t no one-and-done bitch neither.
Lots of ladies show up to SG.
And lots of talented models give up after one set.
I get it.
You’re nude.
You’re on the Internet.
And you get sorta rejected.
Nothing is given to you on a silver platter.
You don’t hit a home run on your first at bat.
Ayne stepped up to the plate quite a few times.
But in the end, we all cut ourselves.
Or we employ ourselves.
The only person that can cut you from the team is YOU.
Only you can take yourself out of the game.
You might be in the minor leagues (Hopefuls), but you are fucking PLAYING.
Don’t give up.
Is it your passion?
Don‘t give up.
Is it your biggest dream???
DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING GIVE UP.
Keep making sets.
I don’t care if it takes 20 fucking years.
I don’t care if it takes 100 sets.
Be that hot MILF queen if you have to.
If it is truly your dream.
Your DREAM.
Then don’t give up.
Keep punching (as Sylvester Stallone says).
Go the distance.
Fuck the naysayers.
Spite the system.
Be the most exceptional pin-up model ever.
Tenacity.
CREATIVITY!
Experiment.
Try new things.
That last set didn’t work?
Try something different.
Get INPUT on what your best features are.
Maybe you are centering the shoots around something other than your best feature?
Everyone is beautiful.
Everyone is handsome.
Everyone has a special gift.
Don’t give up until you have found your pin-up “voice”.
Don’t try to be Mary.
There is only one @mary , and she is perfect.
Don’t try to be Missy.
There is only one @missy , and she is perfect.
Don’t try to be P_mod.
There is only one @p_mod , and he is perfect.
Be you.
Find you.
Who are you?
Who are you REALLY?
THAT is what Suicide Girls is all about.
Don’t be fake.
Unless you got fake tits.
In which case, SHOW OFF those motherfuckers.
Have fun with them.
Accentuate their fakeness.
Have a larf.
Show us what you can do that nobody else can do.
Back to Ayne.
Titties for which to die.
Jesucristo!!!
If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the Dark Tower with @corban .
Her debut, and only set, as a Suicide Girl.
Pretty fucking awesome!
Another model—this one a Hopeful—to hit it and quit it was @kiddy .
This girl could have absolutely gone Pink.
Should have made more sets.
But at least we have her glorious tits on full display Draped in Gold .
Ok, two more.
And they are both exceptional.
First is @ringo in Sunny Day : her last (?) set as a Suicide Girl.
Well, it’s been 15 years…but never say never, right?
This gal is pretty stunning!!
And to end, a Blow Out starring the inimitable @gidgette .
Odds are, her last set (especially with a “farewell tour” title like that).
If she never comes back to MILF-slap us, we will have been blessed with this heavy-hanging cleavage.
I like the angles of her dangles.
Until next time, eggheads!
—Pauly Deathwish
