SPOILER ALERT
Jesus dies in this chapter.
Yes, it’s sad.
But it’s not all bad news.
The month was April.
The year 2008.
And along came @nixon .
You gotta respect a gal who does an overdose set.
Spike in the neck.
Like Iggy Pop.
Dig her work in Do or Die .
Bloody good work!
Jesus was definitely a punk.
So I think he would appreciate @tazzy in Shiny Punkrock Leather .
I mean…those are some fantastic titties!
But that would not be the last temptation of Christ.
Not by a long shot!
This next gal only made one set.
Meet @conniption in The Ward .
Messiah ward.
I mean, it’s really well-done!
Dig the cinematic intercutting à la Eisenstein.
Color.
Black and white.
Color.
And not just ANY color, but brash, glammy tones!
I happen to know for a fact that Jesus, being a big fan of OPSEC, really enjoyed the nipple-less Nat Sexxy by @fucknnatalie .
She won’t be identified in the areola lineup down at the station!
But then we get all Eastern Orthodox.
Meet the icon that is @godiva in From Russia with Love .
Perhaps she is, in truth, more of an iconoclast!
Did they break the mold with this one?
I don’t know, but it was a pretty damn good debut!!
Plenty of Hopefuls made only one set.
It’s easy to get discouraged and to give up after one.
But more rare is the Suicide Girl who blessed us with but one shoot.
Such is the case with @ivitta .
So soak in La Vibora because I got a feelin’ she ain’t comin’ back.
If you’re shooting green, shoot it on a pink background.
If you’re shooting pink, shoot it against a green background.
Complementary colors.
White people aren’t white.
They’re pink.
Beige.
And black people aren’t black.
They are a rich brown.
I’m not sure where Ivitta is from, but she is pinkish.
If she is Latin, she has quite light skin.
Maybe she’s Spanish?
The title of her set seems to be.
Unless the diacritical mark was removed and the set should actually be titled La Víbora.
In which case, one would assume she is Italian.
But does la víbora even mean anything in Italian?
Not to my knowledge.
So I’m going with español.
It’s a shame about Hey Zeus.
Dying and all.
But cheer up, it’s @ohara down in the depths of Inferno .
Or down in the Jungle Room at Graceland!
Dig that leopard print!!
A very kamikaze touch…
I’m not sure if there is some fisheye at work in Still Blooming , but regardless: it’s an exceptional set by @meshell .
I’d love to see this gal do a comeback!
But this one should keep you occupied and TIPPING (tip these classic models, for fuck’s sake!).
For the sake of fuck.
For some hot saké.
Meshell is fit as a fiddle in this flirtation with peephole distortion and Alice-in-Wonderful chess pie.
Imagine seeing this bird at your door!
If you’re looking for Bolly, you go to Bollywood (Bombay [Mumbai]).
If you’re in search of Kolly, you wanna head to Kodambakkam (Chennai [Tamil Nadu]).
Hell, you might even be looking for a bit of Tolly—in which case, you head straight for Tollywood (Hyderabad [Telangana]).
But there are only two places to get genuine @nolly : Nigeria and Suicide Girls.
Nolly dropped a cutie-pie set called Open Studio .
Go check it out!
Few SG models had the camera talent AND voluptuous rack that @sheena had.
And like Jesus, she brought it on herself.
Photo four is the foil—the fish face.
It makes I Shot Myself fun and special.
Suicide (Girls) is painless.
M*A*S*H
Did they find that F-35 yet?
Fucking retards.
Who the hell designed that shite stealth hunk of bollocks?
It’s stealth…so we can’t find it.
Ok, I tipped two classic sets the other day.
And one was Sara Smile .
Because…you know, Hall & Oates and shit.
But this gal has a rack for which to die.
Rack and pinion.
I’d like to delineate her actuator!
But seriously.
This girl is filet mignon.
And four years after this set (2008), she was trying to “get back in the game” (2012).
But it never happened.
Sadly.
Has that F-35 @fallen yet?
Are they keeping it aloft via aerial refueling or something?!?
Jesus would be aghast.
He wept.
Gotta love a girl who gets buck-naked in the snow.
Butt-ass naked.
So it was with @saint in Spring Snow .
I love the part where it looks like she’s sucking off a twig.
That was AWEsome.
Speaking of @twig , dig her debut set Mad Tea Party .
Very Alice and Wonderland here.
Saudi Arabia doesn’t have any F-35s.
But Israel has 25.
Good thing we are providing Israel financial aid.
Because those jets are $100 million a pop!
At least it’s a B and not a C.
Back to Twig.
For the ass men.
Black lace panties.
And zero body fat.
You could play a paradiddle on that tummy.
Tight as a Formica ®️ tabletop.
Exercise.
War game.
And check out that cute little bush!
Ni, maybe more a shrub (on second thought).
This gal is a right goddess!
Gods should marry goddesses, right?
If Jesus was fully-human, he would totally be surfing SG, right?
Ah, but he was without blemish.
Unlike us blighters.
From what I hear, Mademoiselle Chievous is not yet married.
Dig @misschievous fully Infused : her one and only Hopeful set.
GREAT tits and a Hieronymus Bosch pear booty.
I would have been discouraged too.
100 likes in 15 years?!?
Gimme a fuckin’ break!
Somebody call her.
Need more Suicide MILFs.
Hey.
New site.
Spin-off.
“From the makers of Suicide Girls comes the sequel you’ve all been waiting for: Suicide MILFs (MILfs))) MIlfs))) Milfs))) milfs)))”
Basically, we’re here because we’re delusional enough to think we can pull one of these hot, tatted babes.
We’d be rollin’ the dice on MILFs all day long.
Tryin’ to get digitz n shit.
Well, anyway…Meet Me in the Trailer .
Goth girl spit curl and a very Roman nose.
SEXY schnozz action here!
A flapper I could truly get behind, @seile was.
Or wherever she’s want me.
Behind.
In front.
On the side.
Underneath.
Above.
I ain’t picky.
Say, is that a double-wide??
Well, I declare!
Alright.
Let’s kick it up a notch.
Meet @annika in The Magician .
I might as well face it—I’m addicted to this set.
Like a powdered donut.
She went to the powder room.
To powder her nose.
And she powdered her whole damn torso.
And that ‘80s power lipstick.
Axis: bold as fuck!
She vogues a bit.
And once again a gal with zero body fat.
a TAUT tummy.
Impressive.
Alright, another set I tipped last week: Lost on the Road by @riae .
This was her third set.
In a long and illustrious career.
145,000 followers?!?
Well-deserved.
EARNed.
She made sets for 11 years (2007-2018).
And I wouldn’t count her out quite yet.
Unlike Jesus, I ain’t heard nothing about her being dead.
The words “mother milkers” come to mild.
HOLY FUCK.
Ok.
She’s hot as a firecracker on the 4th of July.
Unconfirmed report of F-35 crash near Charleston, SC.
Hot as a nun’s habit.
Sweating like a rapist in church.
Cold as a witch’s tit.
James Brown.
This next model really mailed it in on her set.
Feast your eyes on Mailed in Set 2 by @pontiac .
This gal gets me feelin’ all Wesley Willis inside.
Doze BOOBS.
Damn.
Excellent!
But we can do better.
Fire! Fire! should have made @teyla a Suicide Girl.
What the fuck is wrong with this world???
188 likes?!?
Fuck off!!!
Ok.
Sorry.
I get passionate about that set.
And she was never heard from again…
Well, that’s not quite true.
She last posted 8 years ago.
She still looked hot as fuck in 2013 (five years after her last set).
Come back, Teyla!
YO, TEYYYYY-LAAAAAA!!!!!
I love you.
[don’t print that]
Let it be stricken from the record.
Panic in Detroit!
“From the makers of fake plastic trees comes REAL plastic trees. That’s right, folks. No expense was spared this time around. No fake plastic, but the genuine article. Actual, made-in-China, honest-to-God PLASTIC.”
Plastics.
Ah, yes…the plastiques…
Meet @cereza in Fake Plastic Doll .
This set is genius.
If you got fake tits, embrace their fakeness.
Don’t try to make them look real.
Us all head-sideways like a confused dog.
High-pitched fake tits.
Dog turns his head like Scooby-Doo.
[huh?]
Cereza went pop art.
Warhol.
Fake is beautiful.
As long as your are honest in your dishonesty.
She branded herself shrewdly.
“I. am. a. sex. doll.”
A plaything.
It’s sexy.
Exotic.
It ain’t real.
But the person is real.
Mostly.
Kinda cyborg.
Minus the electricity.
Just some saline or silicone.
I can’t say enough positive about Cereza’s sense of humor and marketing skills.
Fake Plastic Doll is SEXY AS HELL.
Also this news of Jesus dying got me bummed out.
Sometimes you just need some Sunshine Daydreams .
And nothing says Sunshine Daydreams like a gal with hella ink on her face.
Everybody gawk and stare at @azurescens .
I mean…a tat on the face is DEDICATION.
She’s really a pretty girl.
Beautiful skin!
Next we move to someone is need of salvation.
Jesus died for somebody’s sins…but not hers?
Not sure.
I’m talking about the ABSOLUTELY PERFECT tits of @sinnah .
Check out her divine knockers in Eglantine .
Like an Agfa/Ilford segment from À bout de souffle.
Jesus was all about a little game of Hide Seek .
Now you see @lex /now you don’t.
Biting the fist: Lenny & Squiggy approve!
Fish face: always cute.
Tats on inside of wrists: Goodbye Kitty.
Dark. Cute. Clever.
Really a pretty fucking good set!
Alright, kick it up a notch, Pauly!
Dig @zoli in Undomesticated .
Heavenly rack.
Goddess skin.
And awesome hair!
Next, I wanna shout out @rambo .
You know, I was shopping boxing gloves last night on Amazon.
Putting things in the cart.
Saving for later.
Someday never comes.
Dog-food diet.
I was lucky enough to be in a film with Sylvester Stallone.
And it is the Rambo films which move me the most.
Rimbaud: Premier sang.
Sang at the premier.
Last Blood is the real masterpiece.
But @rambo showed why she is a legend in the superb Space Age .
I mean…this girl is SO PRETTY.
And the real star of this set is her fucking-awesome hair.
Wow!
She’s also fit as fuck.
And has that STARE that might make you cheese your shorts.
Can I say cheese on this site?
Not sure.
Trying to keep it NC-17 here.
The next set I highlight for the 11th picture from the end.
Them some HEAVY tits.
Respect!
I talking bout @kendallll in Rendezvous .
If you like Hole (the band), you just might love Miss World starring @andresta .
Now we know how many Holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall.
Angry, jealous spy-moles dug this set.
My favorite part of Miss World is the spluge of powder all over her chest.
Can I say powder on this site?
Splooge McDuck.
Alright, another set i may have tipped.
My nutrient-starved brain is not really sure any more.
The masterpiece in question is…oh, wait.
I remember.
I couldn’t tip this set.
Because she’s a Hopeful that never went Pink.
Well FUCK ME.
Anyhow, it’s @miso_ in Found .
At least this one got 400 likes.
…IN 15 FUCKING YEARS.
Jesus.
Maybe Jesus is not dead.
His name really rolls off the tongue.
Jesus H. Christ.
Jesus Fucking Christ.
Humbert Humbert.
This gal reminds me of my favorite SG girl ever (@sathira).
What do you guys think?
I think Miso_ just needed a photographer who was in the same room with her.
Hell, this person wasn’t even in the same ZIP code as Miso_.
God damn it.
She coulda been a star.
A contenda.
But she had a blind photographer.
She was found, but now she’s lost.
Not-so-amazing grace.
And chuck!
I love meat.
Meat meat meat.
Incidentally, Found looks great under an electron microscope.
Check out her jugs about 100 nanometers from the end!
Absolutely stunning!!!
Another great set is Superstar by @chloe .
Whew.
Damn!
Tremendous knockers!!
Well, here we go.
Another gal who shoulda gone Pink.
Hot as Andie MacDowell.
And she didn’t make the cut.
Standards was HIGH (?) on SG in 2008.
Maybe you had to “know somebody” to go Pink?
But again…if you only make one set, you can’t really say you tried your hardest.
HELL, I’ve made and released 63 solo albums of music in the past 2 years able none of them have been reviewed.
[incidentally, if any of y’all want to publish an interview with me, I got one all done and in the can. DM me. It would be my first. Aside from that awesome Member Appreciation love recently. That was so nice!]
The exquisite girl who didn’t make it was @yvonne .
Please look at Masked Mannequin and tell me what’s wrong with it.
300 likes???
In 15 years?!?
Shameful.
If anyone wants me, I’ll be in the Solitude of my cave with @jaie .
Don’t roll away the stone unless you come to talk business.
I seek some muthafuckin’ RESURRECTION up in this sum bitch!
I votes in my hole.
And I votes that headphones on the titties (stereo boobs) is a novel and noteworthy move by Jaie.
I’m feelin’ a little better.
Not quite dead yet.
Feelin’ like I might log in to MySpace and look at chicks in Belgium and Sweden.
Finland is good too.
[hours later]
I found something to share with you guys.
I think it might best be described as Myspace Set .
If you’re into firm abs, this one might be the best yet.
What kind of ballet-yoga-tai-chi did @lillith do to get looking like that??
The world may never know.
It was her last SG set.
Anyhow, you might wanna take a pee break because we still got some good shit to wade through.
If i’m gonna be up shit creek, I sure as hell want a turd for a paddle.
[intermission]
AAAAAAAAND we’re BACK.
Gotta give a shout-out to @cassie and @missy for the awesome set Spin Psycho .
If you dig Daniel Clowes, check this fine set out!
I’m a big fan of the debut set from @sammyg : Peeling Away .
This one you gotta kinda peel slowly and see.
Pink banana.
Venus in furs.
Or latex.
Sammyg has some GLORIOUS tits!!
Jesus Christ.
Oh, there he goes again.
He’s back on the street again.
Street-legal.
Street hassle.
Ok, on to @merryn in How to Make a Merryn .
Lovely caramel nipples on breasts that hang sweetly.
She hangs brightly.
Like Gérard de Nerval.
Aspiring to be a suicide.
Girl.
Interrupted.
Coitus.
Coitus?!? They barely know us!
Gotta make first contact before you coit someone.
Perhaps it’s Wishful thinking to keep hope alive about Jesus.
Pretty sure he’s dead.
But @alsofi is SO CUTE in her set.
OMG.
LOL.
FML.
ERM.
CRM.
Who’s Harry CRM?
Doesn’t matter.
We take the stairs.
And check out that ass pic three from the end.
Nice!
Borat approves.
Ok, now for another PERCECT set from @sash .
Say hello to Au naturel .
Sash is a perfect woman.
There is no other way to put it.
SG since 2006.
Still active.
Still awesome.
Please tip her as I am typing this on borrowed internet in the parking lot of Stirbooks.
Dead men don’t wear Plaid .
But @devlyn does!
This stunning little gal also benefits from the peephole fisheye voyeuristic POV of her set.
Like a ‘60s British fashion model.
Twig-thin.
Drop-dead cool.
Ok.
In my option, @missy is the best photographer in SG history.
I really wish she would shoot @sathira (with film).
But I think I have found the second GREAT photographer in SG history.
That would be @p_mod .
Holy shit.
This guy is TALENTED!!!
Let me give you two examples from April 2008.
First, it’s @noemie in Sunday Morning .
Eiffel Tower.
Pensive lips.
Comme Une femme mariée.
Food porn.
Crumbs on chest.
I wouldn’t kick Noemie out of bed for eating croissants (if you know what I mean).
So P_mod had a great subject with whom to work.
LOTS of close-up.
Watch some motherfucking nouvelle vague, you shitheads.
We ain’t buying your trite sets.
Not after seeing P_mod LAY WASTE to the medium of pin-up photography.
Second, it’s @maedusa in Mise à nu .
She got tired of this site REAL FAST.
She was a Suicide Girl from 2008-2008 [sic].
She had one bite of this American sandwich and threw it in the trash.
That’s the French for you.
They don’t fuck around when it comes to food.
And art.
[to be fair, it was a grocery-store, pre-made sandwich from the “deli”…not our best work]
P_mod’s sets are cinematic.
Maedusa was absolutely heart-stopping.
Those ambrosial breasts…
That smeared mascara…
[nice touch]
Skin like a jelly donut.
Boobs like powdered jelly donuts.
[you getting all this, Gene?]
A masterclass on how to photograph water.
IN A FUCKING BATHTUB.
And the best drowning shot here.
Bloop bloop wallet.
Textbook!
Blue eyes underwater.
Pale-blue suicide.
Francesca Teardrop.
Just kidding.
She’s not dead.
Jesus is alive.
It was all a big joke.
Come back, blokes!
Let’s go fish for men (and stuff).
Loaves and fishes, anyone?
How do we know Jesus is alive?
Because he’s coming out with a cookbook—that’s why!
And he’s doing Kimmel and the whole she-bang!!
It’s gonna be a riot.
Andy Kaufman had the right idea.
Jesus got the Tony Clifton thing going and BAM…books a million.
His first new tome in 2000 years.
Already getting rave reviews.
But enough about Jesus.
I’m Flying Solo tonight…with @millos .
Nights alone…by her side.
Simply put, this beautiful (mind-blowing!) gal gets it on with a cardboard cutout of Harrison Ford.
Did I ever tell you about the time I interviewed him?
It was brief.
Anyhow, I don’t usually get hot and bothered for Star Wars, but I make an exception for this set.
It’s unique.
Novel.
Well-executed.
And she’s a right bird!
Now for another throwback set.
No, no…i’m talking WWII here.
Dig @maleja in Maleja 1940 .
She put so much effort into this set.
And it is exquisite.
For all that effort, she has gotten 81 likes on this set.
In 15 years.
Ok, three more.
This next gal had perfect tits, a gorgeous ass, and a smokin-hot NOSE…and it only got her 24 likes in the past 15 years.
I mean, adore @rebekahgraves in The Butterfly Effect .
LOOK as those DI-VINE breasts.
I know not everyone’s a nose man like me.
[nose don’t need no clothes]
And did I mention that she’s A FUCKING GENIUS???
[no, she’s not a blood-relative…not yet]
I would have married this QUEEN.
Seriously, Rebekah…call me!
We’ll talk.
Have your people call my Bluetooth toaster.
Sometimes I gotta do some hands-free toasting, you know?
This bagel ain’t gonna crisp itself!
I got the LOX.
[Ning Po]
I got the Pittsburgh cream cheese.
I got the capers.
I got the Keystone Kops.
What am I forgetting?
Ah!
Yes, it’s @cynna in Vexed .
Now THIS SET got three times as many likes as the Rebekahgraves set we just covered.
Which is not to say it is three-times as good.
[64 likes in 15 years]
I’d say they are equally great.
Cynna appears to have shot this MOTHERFUCKER with A FUCKING FLIP PHONE.
I mean…if Steve Lacy can get away with GarageBand on an iPhone…
What’s your favorite Steve Lacy album?
I really dig The Straight Horn of Steve Lacy.
Cynna gets some cold lighting.
Some Royal Tennenbaums blue-green Olga titties.
And she’s got that psycho-sexy stare.
I dig it!
Ok, so I have some breaking news…
Apparently Jesus is not in tomb.
I repeat, Jesus is NOT in the tomb.
Some are saying he landed in Cuba.
Others (the same numbnut) is saying he crashed somewhere outside Charleston, South Carolina while ascending to Heaven.
More news as we get it.
This is a developing story.
Stay tuned next chapter.
And as a send-up, er…send-off, have a Sunny Day tomorrow…if for no other reason than for the pert bazooka titties of @leilani .
They exist.
Somewhere.
Out there.
But not for me.
God bless America!!
Praise Jesus!!!
—Pauly Deathwish
