Old Suicide Girls ended in March 2007.
New Suicide Girls began in April 2007.
What the fuck am I talking about?
HOPEFULS.
The very first Hopeful in SG history appears to have debuted on April 11, 2007.
But before we get to that momentous day, let’s celebrate the great work that was going on that March.
The first set that really blows my mind from that month is Homestead by @clio .
This is an explosion of femininity of which I think Rabelais would have been a fan.
Being, myself, from Texas, I appreciate when everything is bigger.
And that’s just what we get in this set.
Like the pyramids of Giza, Clio leaves us in awe with this piece of work.
But perhaps an even stronger set is Bulletproof by @issay .
In this one, the snow-capped peaks of Matterhorn and Mont Blanc are pink.
Pink snow.
And the slopes are of the most lovely pale white.
A very impressive set indeed!!!
But size isn’t everything.
Shape and texture also call to the “breast man”.
Observe the lovely oval boobs of @salem in the honeyed, natural light of Wildflower .
Such a tender and beautiful pink close-up here.
But let’s be a bit daring.
Let’s put the whole lot on black.
Bet it all with @alsana in Little Rocker and observe how her skin “pops” against the dark background.
Now for a truly special set.
An ode to “Eau d’Bedroom Dancing” by the immortal Le Tigre.
It’s the amazing, creative @joubee in Dancing in the Livingroom .
Find the shot where she directs attention to a nipple through the lens of her glasses.
Such a deft touch!
More beauty abounds in Intimacy featuring @ay .
And then we go up to the truly-exceptional level again.
Someone got the memo on the first importance of a thoughtful close-up.
Here it merely serves as the coup de grâce to a nearly-perfect set.
I am speaking of @katty in Suspenders .
Indeed, the nipple becomes larger than life.
But there is no ignoring @kali in Gold Rush .
Somewhere, Charlie Chaplin is smiling delightedly.
If you are in need of good cheer, remember that the glass is indeed Half Full .
This set, starring @james , succeeds in large due to the candor of her smile and its spontaneity (six pictures from the end).
A smile.
Out of the blue.
Fun.
What a concept.
Perhaps the first truly-genius SG model of East Asian lineage was @katalina .
And she shows exactly why a self-shot set CAN be a work of art on par with just about anything in her minor masterpiece Til Then Chocolate .
Until Eulenspiegel’s merry pranks commence, we can frolic in the hygge autobiography of Katalina’s Kamera.
Having some Schokolade at her chalet (as it were)…
What we find here is very akin to the photography of Sol LeWitt.
But infused with the experimentation of Dziga Vertov and Sergei Eisenstein.
It’s true.
It plays itself off as a trifle.
As a bagatelle.
But it is as brilliant as late-Beethoven.
Face far from camera.
Coffee mug foregrounded.
Mug on chest.
Mug by side.
Once again…
Face not fitting in frame.
Half-face close-up.
Angles reminiscent of Odilon Redon.
Hat over eyes.
Sad face—hands to cheeks.
Head in hands like Rodin.
Peeking into the top of the frame like a kitty.
Finger in mouth.
Naughty.
Mischievous.
Breaking the fourth wall.
Staring directly into the camera eye.
Ignoring the camera.
Dreaming.
A million miles away.
Eyes somewhere else.
With all this florid analysis, we will be drenched without an Umbrella .
Thank you, @axle , for saving me from myself.
I was caught in a loop there.
But it is Axle who truly makes me loopy.
And dig that ink on just one breast.
Such a cool look!
Now time to pay homage to a gal who went to GHOST TOWN for you!
Last Chance for a slow dance with @damien which perfectly encapsulates the desolation of the American southwest.
Wonderful creativity and location scouting!
Amazing concept!
I dig it!!
But soon @freya is stealing my heart in her Ramones top—especially when the top comes off.
Holy Mary, Mother of God…you gotta check out Freya in Breakin Out .
Makes me wanna do an electric boogaloo!!
If you like “the swimmer body” (like I do), you will want to spend some time with @frenesi in Resaca .
But ermagaad—it doesn’t get any CUTER than @grace in Outdoor Living .
Now THAT’s life (right there)!!
Old SG is about to end.
Is it a setting sun?
No, rising.
Bask in the glory of @marley in Sunshower .
Holy fugging shit!
GREAT SET!!
And then the new era is born.
Just like that.
Please recall and adore SG’s very first hopeful (if I am interpreting the archives correctly): @safehaven in Haven-The Park .
Safe haven.
I like that!
If you are U.S. military and you are deployed at war, you are welcome here, soldier.
If you are a Satanist, you are welcome here.
If you are a Christian, you are welcome here.
If you are pro-choice, you are welcome here.
If you are pro-life, you are welcome here.
Safe haven.
Suicide Girls.
SG.
In its seventh year.
A new program.
HOPEFULS.
The Hopeful.
Hopes and dreams.
Interactive.
Send your nudes.
The American Idol of punk titties.
Think this is so easy??
Then you try it, mothefucker!
Oh, shit.
That was really good.
Congratulations: you are now Pink.
Safehaven’s profile lists her as a “member”.
Some of these early Hopefuls appear to have reverted to membership.
But not all of them.
As for Haven-The Park, it shows Safehaven looking hot as shit.
Which must have been humbling.
Because after all these years, this GREAT set only has 63 (!) likes.
I get the feeling that there was perhaps, at first, an animosity towards Hopefuls.
This “open sourcing” of models.
At first, SG was a tight-knit sisterhood—a sorority of badass punk princesses.
And now this very American development stomps in.
“[cough] Hey, everybody. We’re opening up submission to everyone. Anyone can now apply to be a Suicide Girl [microphone feedback].”
It’s a hard-knock turn of events.
And not charity (by any means).
You gotta fucking WORK for it.
63 likes.
Ouch.
Brutal.
But I love Safehaven’s set.
She had the fucking balls to say, “Shit yeah, I’ll get on that mechanical bull!!”
Members didn’t really take to this concept right away (obviously).
But lemme tell you, some of these Hopeful sets are JUST AS GOOD as SG sets.
The first one that fits that criterion (to my mind) is @khoos in Khoos - The Comic Book Girl .
How THE FUCK did this gal not go pink?!?
And members agreed.
900+ likes.
Not too fucking shabby…
How about supreme-cutie @eleonora in Helle .
That haircut is a follicular riot.
You could start a revolution with it!
Another superb set is Sweet Simplicity by @whistlingdixie .
Great boobs.
Good photo shoot.
The Hopefuls were bringing life to the site.
And taking some pressure off the Suicide squad to produce so much content.
BUTTT.
They were potentially “angling in” on a piece of the action.
Members wanna see THE BEST.
Hopefuls was a major move away from “a bunch of friends with a website” to LET’S MAKE THIS A CAREER.
Hey, everybody’s gotta eat.
You don’t like the new system, go somewhere else.
You wanna be part of the new system, you’re gonna have to COMPETE.
UP YOUR GAME.
Who wins?
The members.
Who loses?
I can imagine that many friendships did not survive the business turmoil of Suicide Girls.
Business is no joke.
If we’re talking about putting food on the table vs. NOT putting food on the table, it is at this point which people generally stop being nice.
“I love you, but business is business.”
The best will win.
Yes, the most beautiful.
Yes, the biggest tits.
But also THE MOST CREATIVE.
The BEST TATTOOS.
The BEST MODELS (an art form).
Those who employ THE BEST PHOTOGRAPHERS.
The best will win.
Will get the most likes.
The most followers.
Most tips.
Money.
This can be illustrated by @glaekitt in Will Dance For Food .
What an androgynous cutie!
I love this girl!!
And you know what I love most?
These words on her profile: “Hopeful Since 2007”.
So you’re telling me there’s a chance?
I don’t know about you, but that’s all I need…as a 46-year-old, unknown musician.
You’re telling me that my dreams still have a chance of coming true?
That someone might remember me and appreciate my music?
Then that’s all I need.
I wear it proudly.
Hopeful since 1976.
And I IDENTIFY with the Hopefuls.
These gals are the UNDERDOGS.
They come into this game with great odds against them.
And still they roll.
Tumbling dice.
Into the fray came @avani looking super-fine in White .
And yet she did not become a Suicide Girl.
How would she fare today?
In a sense, it doesn’t matter.
You gotta be at the right place at the right time.
With the right skill set.
And the right photographer.
And their skill set has to be up to the task.
And EVEN THEN, you might not make it.
Because the cosmos is chaos.
Planets like pinballs pinging off far corners of the galaxy.
And yet, I can’t pass up many of these sets.
Like Bridesmaid Rebellion by @karnallust .
Such a lovely pink areola tipped on its side like Saturn.
Spinning.
For all eternity.
I wonder what Ms. Lust is up to these days?
Or could I call her Karnal?
If you think her name is clunky, get ready for the Iron Age of SG names.
Great sets.
Terrible handles.
One of the best sets in SG history is On the Beach by @irony805926 —a name that really rolls off the tongue.
And yet this is just the type of gal for whom Neil Young would have written a “Cinnamon Girl”.
Indeed, one of the very best sets of this time period is In Tune by @rhyme869224 .
This gal is HOT AS FUCK.
But dat name, dough…
And then it appears that Suicide Girls has Hopeful sets (some great ones!) filed only under the name of the SG model/photographer.
For instance, Jhett came in as a Hopeful under the profile of @james (presumably her photographer and/or recruiter).
And it’s a great set.
How did Jhett - Music and Wine not propel this gal to stardom?!?
The fans dug it.
Kinda.
But not enough.
Ouch.
Compe-fucking-tition.
Let me introduce you to some fabulous jugs.
Meet @xxclandestinexx in Coming Clean .
This set didn’t make her Pink.
She’s been a Hopeful for 16 years.
Those coral nipples.
Those titties.
I’d Pink that!
But I’m not in charge.
It’s the people that (somehow) decide.
But snappy names really were a big part of the initial Hopeful thrust.
Let me introduce you to my dear friend @zella875208 in Lavish Roma .
Surname: 875208
Christian name: Zella
Prénom: Carmen
Of course, these were MEMBERS who were FUCKING GOING FOR IT, MAN!!
And they had their clunky member names which were probably computer-generated to a large degree.
Ok, Zella’s not really my friend (yet).
But dig that set!
That’s some good shit!!
Direct thine Jabberwocky gaze to @silt in Twas’ Brillig .
It makes me sad that this zaftig babe did not make the cut.
But she’s still sexy after all these years!!
Ok, let’s not forget about the Suicide Girls.
As they were now known (a caste apart from the upstart Hopefuls).
Gaze upon the magical, electric-coral areolæ of @solace in The View .
Orange against blue.
Complementary colors.
And the nipples “pop”.
Superb photography of a magical model.
Ok, now for another one of those rather confusing artifacts: Prettydino (?) in Prettydino: Flashing as shot by @taye ?
Yes.
I’m pretty sure.
You sorta gotta start reading the captions on some of these.
Anyhow, this is a lovely set.
But she was up against the all-world titties of established SG models like @pystol in The Contender .
That’s right.
12 rounds.
For the heavy-boob title of the world.
No lightweights.
Welters elsewhere.
But if you’re a Hopeful, you gotta follow Sly’s advice and KEEP PUNCHING.
As illustrated perfectly by @karem425314 in Washing With Stallone .
Each model, under their breath, was now muttering, “I will crush you”.
Or so I imagine.
Wanna see a perfect set?
Respect the work of @jillybean295525 in Pink Bow .
This set is as good as any set that’s ever been on SG.
And she’s still a Hopeful 16 years later.
Harrowing odds.
Who’s a guy gotta blow around here…
Also entering this delicate ecosystem was @tamy with Butterfly Effect .
She bloomed.
And no one noticed.
But I notice.
Because she’s adorable, gorgeous, cute!!!
Ok, how about another perfect set?
The Suicide Girls were NOT FUCKING AROUND when it came to this whole concept of Hopefuls.
No more mailing it in.
Give us your best.
And that’s exactly what @aliana delivered in Spanish Lace .
Rosy-red nipples.
A well-placed close-up.
Take that, Hopefuls!
The war was on.
But a successful Hopeful changes sides.
Changes colors.
Pink vs. purple.
Success changes you.
Breaking out snakes and shit was @zelda666 in Come Slither .
But it wasn’t enough (for some reason).
How about the mascara snake?
That’s right: @vyxsin686073 in Strings .
This girl looks BADASS.
But it was close.
No cigar.
Again…look what she was up against.
Stuff like @katya in Piggy Love .
That’s pretty fucking hard to beat!!
Not to mention the perfect set By the Fireplace starring @tragique .
The barriers to entry had been lowered significantly with the Hopeful initiative, but they were still VERY FUCKING HIGH.
SG already had a plethora of talent.
Breaking into that group was no small feat.
How about another perfect set?
It doesn’t get much better than On Gold by @frost .
The lushness of the areolas here almost has a Klimt-like quality to it.
But there is also the bold contrast of Schiele here.
Phenomenal set of breasts.
Phenomenal set.
If you like a delicate ballet of nipples, give @lizarose a try in Fabric Dance .
The elegant, swan-like lines here are divine.
It’s always hard for me to pass up @tsui (which is why I so rarely do).
This may be her strongest work.
Penultimate picture is timeless.
Into every life occasionally comes a green chrome electrical storm…which is why Lace Magic by @vanille is so effective.
Shock me.
Quick.
I’m sick sick sick.
Just for a moment she goes green.
Bizarre.
Inspired!
But the Hopefuls were coming with PERFECT SETS of their own.
What about @elphaba47774 in Bathroom Beauty Love ?
Why is she not Pink?!?
It is easy to get discouraged.
The first set maybe doesn’t do it.
And perhaps neither does the second.
Hell, my 58th (!) album comes out this Friday.
Either you want your dream (and you fight for it), or you don’t.
But you’re gonna have to get past the likes of @friskey who is soft as snow, but Warm Inside .
Nothing little about this T & A.
And I think Keith would concur.
But the humiliation works two ways.
Yeah, the first Hopeful only got 63 likes (in 16 years).
But this glut of AWESOMENESS also took a toll on the valued Suicide Girls of old.
Take, for instance, Nu Nostalgique by @sweetie .
This is a FUCKING PHENOMENAL set!!!
And it got a little over 400 likes.
Are you fucking kidding me???
No.
The war was on.
Location is everything.
Time is a location.
In a four-dimensional world.
WHEN your set comes out is very important.
Dorothy, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.
Except for @priya …who was hangin’ in Bitchataw .
This is a wonderful set.
And it has a little over 100 likes.
This is an SG set.
It appears that there was almost TOO MUCH content on the site.
But you gotta remember the members.
My guess is, they were fuckin’ loving this.
Too much content?!?
No such thing!!
Alright, let’s get to more perfection.
This was the month where Set of The Day (SOTD) really started to mean something.
In the prior 5+ years, EVERYTHING seems to have been “set of the day”.
That’s how it looks upon perusing the archives from 2001-2006. Even the first three months of 2007 appear to have adhered to this regime.
So, to reiterate, April 2007 was when Hopefuls and SOTD were born.
Retirement.
Just like that.
A great reset.
Some models got tips.
Others got the shaft.
It’s like drawing straws.
Oh, here’s that perfection of which I spoke: @yoimi in her SOTD Mischief .
The Hopefuls kept making strong showings in their first month—including Green Tiles by @tati411073 .
Ok, two more.
Licking her high heels and coming in with some astonishing nipples was @nya in Exquise .
Normally I would end there.
There would be no topping that.
But @venice did indeed top it with her SOTD End the Night .
Join me next time when the journey continues.
What a voyage it will be!
—Pauly Deathwish
