Sometimes the best way to move forward is to say, “FUCK IT”.
Yes.
It is good to throw away cliches.
It is good to absolutely throw your formulas in the trash.
So we try another experiment here.
How to make history interesting.
And we go back to August 2006 to see what the girls of SG were up to.
Almost right away, we were greeted with an ASTONISHING set.
The Morning After by @venla is about as good as it gets in this game.
What a beautiful orange tattoo.
And perhaps the most beautiful areolæ in SG history.
Like little sideways Saturns.
Venla is truly a champagne supernova here.
And that was the second day of the month!
But the next day @daisy was ready to hit us with more divine pink areolas in After the Rain .
Pink and green for the win.
Always.
And the tits just kept on coming with @malignko in Vinyl Boots .
But true perfection was once again right around the corner in The Munchies starring @myra .
Canary-yellow bikini and teal socks.
Almost a DayGlo vibe about this one.
Such a rad shoot!!
But all I really need to be happy is a a fantastic pair of breasts…and that is exactly what @asterlee came packing in Love Hurts .
None of this fancy, schmancy shit. Just an explosion of titties.
What a rippin’ set by Asterlee!!
The boob-train continued with @aeres in Going Out .
What about that olive-green bra?!?
Nice!
Paying homage to great aereolae, we focus on @dalila in Wide Open Spaces .
What a dream!
Now for some of that ol’ creativity!
40 Foot Woman by @calamity fucks with our perspective in such a wonderful way!
As Lou said, “love makes you feel ten feet tall.”
And now for the first unequivocally-feminist set in SG history: Beauty by @sabro .
Rosie the Riveter would have fucking loved this!!
Alright, let’s check in with our favorite gonzo journalist…
Plenty of ball-tripping in Fear and Loathing by @chanel .
As your lawyer, I recommend you start drinking heavily.
Seriously, this set made me happy!
What a great literary/cinematic allusion!!
After all that ahcid, I’m ready for some bubblegum.
Thank you to @sinergy for blowing my mind in Sticky Situation .
How’s about that aqua “Barbie Girl” top?!?
Good taste is timeless.
Alright, please fix your eyes upon a good-looking gal by the name of @rigel in her fine set Wax On Wax Off .
This is another set that succeeds on the simple principle of the model being really attractive.
It’s just a joy to look at!
But then I found a girl who stole my heart.
Jesus God Almighty…what a fine lady @brixton is in Down Time .
I think David Bowie was from Brixton (London).
But that’s neither here nor there.
Anyhow…
Brixton, the model, just wallops the competition in Down Time.
Good gawd, y’all!!!
But she had contenders nipping at her heels.
Check out @unida in The Attic Lights .
True artistry.
Shadow and light.
And a real appreciation of the female breast.
I think Rembrandt would have liked this one.
Hell, Vermeer woulda probably shit himself too!
But I think Warhol would have been more into Good and Evil by @osaka .
Such wonderful clarity in this set.
She looks like a superhero!!
Lemme tell ya…
The one intangible that can’t be taught (or bought) is MOXIE.
And @erny has it in spades in Backyard Belle.
She’s feisty.
Playful.
Fun.
She MAKES you fall in love with her (god damn it)…in as efficient a route as possible.
She makes THE MOST of every image.
She was fucking READY for this shoot.
Out-fucking-standing.
But I gotta hand it to @nixon and her Jungian death wish in Not Recommended .
Nixon is “living without warning” (as the great Green Day song illustrated).
Smoking while filling up at the gas station? Check.
Playing with a plugged-in hairdryer near a full tub of water? Check.
This shoot could have seemingly gone Goldfinger at any moment.
The toaster is a nice touch too.
Really well-thought-out!!
Her middle name is Danger (indeed).
Now for some vérité.
Police Brutality by @malloreigh .
This was from the war “on” terror days.
Back when KSM was getting waterboarded 183 times.
So, naturally, that milieu seeped into the art of the period.
Her mug shot lists her as “terroriste” and “retenu pour des crimes contre l’état” (retained for crimes against the state).
The message is clear: she’s not in the clink for shoplifting.
Excellent set.
a POLITICAL set.
Bravo to Malloreigh!
As Godard said (to paraphrase), “all acts should be political”.
Yes.
Even an SG set.
Why not?
It’s not necessarily liberal or conservative (though opposing the war “on” terror would have been a liberal position at that time).
[N.B. This was when liberals were the bulk of the anti-war movement. Now, of course, there is no real anti-war movement in any first-world country whatsoever to speak of.]
But we ain’t here to think.
I sure as hell ain’t here to think.
I am here STRICTLY for the TITTIES.
So thank you so much to the gargantuan beauty of @wendy in Trailer Queen .
THIS is a perfect set.
However, I ain’t never seen no one drink Peroni in a trailer park.
I mean, do they even HAVE trailer parks in Italy???
I think trailer parks are pretty quintessentially-American.
Trailer parks in Italy be like, “This RV lot was designed in the 12th century. As you can see, the entrance to the park bears ornate carvings reminiscent of northern Italian marble working from this period.”
Alright.
Someone needs to get slimy.
That’s where @cain comes to the rescue.
“YOU CAN’T SAY THAT ON SG!!!”
[splat]
Nickelodeon green ooze permeates Slime in a deliciously-messy way.
I love these sets where models really GO FOR IT!
They have some fucked-up idea and they get DOWN AND DIRTY.
That’s the kinda set you gotta tip.
Which, by the way, you can still do on many of these sets (including Slime by Cain).
i LOVE tipping these classic sets.
I’m not sure if my money is getting to these ladies.
But whatever…
I’m trying.
Trying to show my appreciation.
And let me point out one more thing about my “history”.
To the best of my ability, I am taking a critical eye and trying to REWARD the models who may not have gotten the credit they deserved at the time.
I am imperfect in this pursuit.
But suffice it to say, if a set got 10,000 likes at the time, that don’t mean shit to me.
Unless it truly is a great set.
And I try (really I do) to reward the models who have STUCK WITH the site.
Many of the early models have, one way or another, drifted away from the site.
If their work is undeniable, I don’t hold it against them that they have moved on.
But those gals who are still here?
Yeah.
I adore them.
God bless them.
Moving on…
We come to Guilty starring @aliana .
These rosy-red nipples are a must-see!
And now for some Jerry Lewis mayhem (you read that right).
Things get positively-NUTTY in Mad Genius after @shenni takes some sort of pill that makes her foam at the mouth.
Fun!
And check out the penultimate cross-eyed (!) shot.
She was really ahead of the curve with that one!!
I will never pass up great boobs.
And here are more: @giulia in Citystar .
Pretty fucking phenomenal!!
Speaking of, if you like the fins on a ‘57 Chevy, check out the angles and curves on @tabitha in Burning Rubber .
There ain’t nothing whatsoever faulty about THESE headlights!
Yowza!!
And who doesn’t like that common occurrence of a pretty lady getting nude in a laundromat?
I know, for me personally, that I have said experience without fail every single time I visit my local washateria.
That being said, @sorrow still looks stunning in Laundry Magic !!
I need more gonzo.
Cue @hunter in Bat Country .
This one really ups the ante for this genre.
I think Ralph Steadman himself would have even admired this!
Pink and green for the win in Lane by @yuki .
How about those perfect breasts and delightful, pink nipples?
The colors all conspire to make her nipples the stars that they are (and should be).
Ok, two more.
A bit of French touch…perhaps a Lamorisse reference in Red Balloons by @fanny .
This lady is so CUTE!!
OMG.
Her smile is the star.
And what a pretty face!
And finally—going out with a blast—we come to @rys in Droid .
These are some honkers you will for sure want to see.
History unfolds slowly.
It must be traced with dedication.
When did the river change course?
We must find the old riverbed.
SG is great.
SG has always been great.
But the site of today is DIFFERENT than the site of 15 years ago.
Why?
Who changed the course of the river?
And where does the river want to go next?
We will attempt to find out.
As long as there are boobs involved, my attention is RAPT.
—Pauly Deathwish
