I get up this morning. Go to the bathroom.
There are three little spots of blood in the tub. two feathers.
I search around the bathroom for a half mauled bird corpse. Cats must have brought something in.
No body. Weird. Two of the cats are looking in the linen closet. A lot. My box of vitamins is on the ground.
There, behind the pine-sol and the toilet duck is a still very alive bird. Small. Mockingbird? whatever. Bird. Chillin in the linen closet.
So I do what I always do in this situation. Freak the fuck out.
I come out and google "Bird in my house. Who do I call?" The internet was no help.
I toy around with the idea of calling my dad. Or going to one of the neighbors for help.
"Hello, I am your otherwise perfectly capable 30 year old neighbor. There is a 6 inch long bird sitting behind my cleaning products. I am terrified. Please come help me."
I closed off the bathroom door that leads to the bedroom and kitchen and opened the one that leads to the office. I opened the door between the office and the front yard. I was going to get rid of the intruder. I moved his fortress of chemical cleaning agents off the shelf. I grabbed a tshirt to grab him in.
Of course, as many of you know, my dog has some serious separation anxiety and started barking because he couldnt get to me. Bird? Started to panic. Dog? barked louder. And thats when it happened.
The bird flapped its little wings, and darted out towards the closed bathroom window. I screamed. It flew back towards me. I covered my face with the shirt and screamed. Again. Loudly. It flew towards the office. And thats when I saw my neighbor who was out for her morning walk as well as my postman.
"Are...are you ok?"
Yes. My neighbors just heard me scream like I was being stabbed to death as I hid beneath a dark green colored crew neck T.
"Yeah. see. there was this bird....." It sounded as insane coming from my mouth as I am sure it looked to them standing on my porch.
"Did it fly out?" My postman asked.
"I don't know. I think so. I don't see it anywhere. I'm going to look around and hope it doesn't eat my face".
Something tells me I'm not getting invited to anyone's backyard bar-b-que.
There are three little spots of blood in the tub. two feathers.
I search around the bathroom for a half mauled bird corpse. Cats must have brought something in.
No body. Weird. Two of the cats are looking in the linen closet. A lot. My box of vitamins is on the ground.
There, behind the pine-sol and the toilet duck is a still very alive bird. Small. Mockingbird? whatever. Bird. Chillin in the linen closet.
So I do what I always do in this situation. Freak the fuck out.
I come out and google "Bird in my house. Who do I call?" The internet was no help.
I toy around with the idea of calling my dad. Or going to one of the neighbors for help.
"Hello, I am your otherwise perfectly capable 30 year old neighbor. There is a 6 inch long bird sitting behind my cleaning products. I am terrified. Please come help me."
I closed off the bathroom door that leads to the bedroom and kitchen and opened the one that leads to the office. I opened the door between the office and the front yard. I was going to get rid of the intruder. I moved his fortress of chemical cleaning agents off the shelf. I grabbed a tshirt to grab him in.
Of course, as many of you know, my dog has some serious separation anxiety and started barking because he couldnt get to me. Bird? Started to panic. Dog? barked louder. And thats when it happened.
The bird flapped its little wings, and darted out towards the closed bathroom window. I screamed. It flew back towards me. I covered my face with the shirt and screamed. Again. Loudly. It flew towards the office. And thats when I saw my neighbor who was out for her morning walk as well as my postman.
"Are...are you ok?"
Yes. My neighbors just heard me scream like I was being stabbed to death as I hid beneath a dark green colored crew neck T.
"Yeah. see. there was this bird....." It sounded as insane coming from my mouth as I am sure it looked to them standing on my porch.
"Did it fly out?" My postman asked.
"I don't know. I think so. I don't see it anywhere. I'm going to look around and hope it doesn't eat my face".
Something tells me I'm not getting invited to anyone's backyard bar-b-que.
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Not sure how I got here, but I'm back. My account got reinstated. I'll probably stay on until it runs out. How's S.A. treating you?