I hate having the "money talk".
Dave is living here a good 6 days a week now. he calls this "home"
People ask where he lives? he responds "right near Fredricksburg Rd and Zarzamora. By the big HEB right there" and no longer "I live in Shertz, off FM 3009"
We were pulling into the driveway saturday night. We'd been joking that "ok, lets just get married tomorrow and not tell anyone". Total joke.
"Well, lets get you moved in first and then we'll go elope"
"Oh. The stuff I have at the old place is just that. Stuff. I have no connection to it. As far as i am concerned, this is home. "
"no. I mean, like, both contributing to bills and stuff"
"oh, so its just about money?" He says this in that joking way that I can tell he's not 100% joking.
"no. Right now, I just feel that if anything happens and i have a hella slow month and something comes up, that its 100% my responsibility. Its like if we succeed, we succeed together, but if we fail, we fail on my watch. I need it to be a partnership."
"I understand". I don't know if he understands.
So, Ive laid out all the bills. His, Mine and Ours. Everything from mortgage to his cell phone. His student loan to our netflix account. Dining out to a $200 into savings every month.
I've laid out income. Since my income can change wildly, I've gone with a very low end estimate of what I will bring in in a month. I went with the lowest I've made in over a year. It is worst case scenario. It is about $800 shy of what it would take for us both to live comfortably. If he brings in $1000/month, I'd be happy. So its not like i need him to make bank. I just need him to make and contribute. Many months, I will make 100% of our budget. Great. So we work on some improvements on the house. Or we throw more into savings. Or towards his student loan. But if I dont make 100%...then I need to know my partner is just as invested in this as I am.
Hopefully he wont see this as an assault or like I'm some sort of money nag.
He is at a point where he wants out of his current job. It is a half hour commute from here, each way. He makes peanuts. I want him to get out of there just as much as he does. It seems like a perfect chance to show him "ok, sweetie. we CAN do this. we CAN do this and make it work. Here are the numbers to prove it." I want him to be able to take on more jobs directing some theater here. He is getting offers. I'd love to share what I know and maybe get him some things he can do from home. We have leads on some video editing job that a friend of ours turned him onto. That would be, easily, about $500-$700 a month right there. Maybe 20 hours a month. I want him to follow through with it.
In nearly all my relationships, I've been the one responsible for money. I'm ok with it. I dont mind being the one who remembers the cable bill is due on the 12th or that if we buy that new tv, we'll be short on the insurance bill. I kinda like it. What I don't like is feeling 100% responsible for two adults.
So, wednesday, I take him for breakfast and we talk. And talk again. I don't want him to say "ok" just to shut me up. I want him to be excited about the idea that he can quit his job changing oil 5 days a week, 10 hours a day and free up more personal time like he wants. David is talented. Very talented. He and I both want him to use those talents. But I can't let him go play on my dime.
Am I being a bitch? Please throw your two cents in. I'll factor it into the budget.
Dave is living here a good 6 days a week now. he calls this "home"
People ask where he lives? he responds "right near Fredricksburg Rd and Zarzamora. By the big HEB right there" and no longer "I live in Shertz, off FM 3009"
We were pulling into the driveway saturday night. We'd been joking that "ok, lets just get married tomorrow and not tell anyone". Total joke.
"Well, lets get you moved in first and then we'll go elope"
"Oh. The stuff I have at the old place is just that. Stuff. I have no connection to it. As far as i am concerned, this is home. "
"no. I mean, like, both contributing to bills and stuff"
"oh, so its just about money?" He says this in that joking way that I can tell he's not 100% joking.
"no. Right now, I just feel that if anything happens and i have a hella slow month and something comes up, that its 100% my responsibility. Its like if we succeed, we succeed together, but if we fail, we fail on my watch. I need it to be a partnership."
"I understand". I don't know if he understands.
So, Ive laid out all the bills. His, Mine and Ours. Everything from mortgage to his cell phone. His student loan to our netflix account. Dining out to a $200 into savings every month.
I've laid out income. Since my income can change wildly, I've gone with a very low end estimate of what I will bring in in a month. I went with the lowest I've made in over a year. It is worst case scenario. It is about $800 shy of what it would take for us both to live comfortably. If he brings in $1000/month, I'd be happy. So its not like i need him to make bank. I just need him to make and contribute. Many months, I will make 100% of our budget. Great. So we work on some improvements on the house. Or we throw more into savings. Or towards his student loan. But if I dont make 100%...then I need to know my partner is just as invested in this as I am.
Hopefully he wont see this as an assault or like I'm some sort of money nag.
He is at a point where he wants out of his current job. It is a half hour commute from here, each way. He makes peanuts. I want him to get out of there just as much as he does. It seems like a perfect chance to show him "ok, sweetie. we CAN do this. we CAN do this and make it work. Here are the numbers to prove it." I want him to be able to take on more jobs directing some theater here. He is getting offers. I'd love to share what I know and maybe get him some things he can do from home. We have leads on some video editing job that a friend of ours turned him onto. That would be, easily, about $500-$700 a month right there. Maybe 20 hours a month. I want him to follow through with it.
In nearly all my relationships, I've been the one responsible for money. I'm ok with it. I dont mind being the one who remembers the cable bill is due on the 12th or that if we buy that new tv, we'll be short on the insurance bill. I kinda like it. What I don't like is feeling 100% responsible for two adults.
So, wednesday, I take him for breakfast and we talk. And talk again. I don't want him to say "ok" just to shut me up. I want him to be excited about the idea that he can quit his job changing oil 5 days a week, 10 hours a day and free up more personal time like he wants. David is talented. Very talented. He and I both want him to use those talents. But I can't let him go play on my dime.
Am I being a bitch? Please throw your two cents in. I'll factor it into the budget.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
The only thing I'd say is to ensure that you're encouraging him to be a part of the process - have him put together something and compare, etc. How can you plan the future if you don't have a roadmap of where you are right now?
<3