bluevalentine

I play the part of the hardass pretty well.

When in the midst of singledom, I like to throw around big f-bombs to things like playing the relationship game and fuck situations where you leave yourself open for hurt and people should just piss or get off the pot when it comes to matters of the heart.

And tonight, as I touted myself as my friend Eirik's platonic, cyincal friend, I realised it was a sham.

My heart is on my sleeve.

With a big neon sign.

And I realise the hilarity that is the fact that I am vulnerable for admitting I am falling in love and his being vulnerable keeps him from being where I am.

This would be a great romantic comedy if I wasn't personally involved.

I manged to keep from crying long enough to go home, take the dog for a short walk and start typing these words to you all.

Up until very recently, I was at a point where I could leave the situation, effected but not broken. Something sorta flipped inside me in the last couple days where I KNOW that if it doesnt work the way I'm hoping, well...I just hope it doesn't come to that.

I am afraid. I am in love. My inner cynic is on holiday.