There was a discussion on one of the Ethiopia adoption listservs I belong to about having Ethiopia role models for our kids, which, honestly, seems like a strange thing to obsess about.
Anywho. Here was my post. and I kinda like it. So I'm putting it here so I don't forget
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My hope is that with the people I already have in my life and who may enter my life in the future, my son or daughter would be able to define his or her own sense of "identity". Will I tell my child about where he or she came from? Will I share what I learned while in the country? Will I celebrate the heritage of my child? Yes. My child's past will become part of me just as my past will become part of my child. Will I force feed it? Probably not. I once spoke to a teenage girl from Korea who was adopted as an infant to told me that her parents were always going to korean resturants, sending her to summer camp with other korean kids, going to korean cultural events and so forth and that it was like her parents cared more about it than she did. She felt that they were pushing her Korean past which took away from her chance to just live as an american kid. Yes, expose the child to where they came from but I think it is just as important to expose the child to where they are now. These children are more than children from Africa. Our adopted children are just as American as we are once they are here. It's all about a balance. And if my child ever said anything to me like that girl from Korea did, I'd honor the wishes of my child.
I have black friends, white friends, asian, indian, native friends. gay, straight, poor rich. I am very active in my Jewish community but I've gone to Buddhist celebrations with my buddhist friends. I have friends that go to a Christian church every sunday and friends who are agnostic.
And I have these people in my life not because I'm trying to form some circle of diversity. The people who are close to me and who will be close to my child are there because they are good people that I hope my child would learn from. I could never feel comfortable having people around for my kids sake just to fill some sort of ethic quota.
Anywho. Here was my post. and I kinda like it. So I'm putting it here so I don't forget
------
My hope is that with the people I already have in my life and who may enter my life in the future, my son or daughter would be able to define his or her own sense of "identity". Will I tell my child about where he or she came from? Will I share what I learned while in the country? Will I celebrate the heritage of my child? Yes. My child's past will become part of me just as my past will become part of my child. Will I force feed it? Probably not. I once spoke to a teenage girl from Korea who was adopted as an infant to told me that her parents were always going to korean resturants, sending her to summer camp with other korean kids, going to korean cultural events and so forth and that it was like her parents cared more about it than she did. She felt that they were pushing her Korean past which took away from her chance to just live as an american kid. Yes, expose the child to where they came from but I think it is just as important to expose the child to where they are now. These children are more than children from Africa. Our adopted children are just as American as we are once they are here. It's all about a balance. And if my child ever said anything to me like that girl from Korea did, I'd honor the wishes of my child.
I have black friends, white friends, asian, indian, native friends. gay, straight, poor rich. I am very active in my Jewish community but I've gone to Buddhist celebrations with my buddhist friends. I have friends that go to a Christian church every sunday and friends who are agnostic.
And I have these people in my life not because I'm trying to form some circle of diversity. The people who are close to me and who will be close to my child are there because they are good people that I hope my child would learn from. I could never feel comfortable having people around for my kids sake just to fill some sort of ethic quota.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
gogobongo:
walker:
Well put, that is the kind of thinking my friend Jodi's parents had. She was born in South Korea but wasn't force feed her heritage, but instead was left to seek it how she felt best at her own pace.