My new glasses are train wreck DKNY lenscrafters frames.
Displeased, I bought another set of frames online from Calvin Klein that look like my old frames (the ones in my profile picture.) They're awesome. They're better than Satan arriving at your door with a bucket of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. They're sexy and I don't look like a fat guy wearing them.
So I stopped by my weird optometrist and dropped them off to get lenses put in them.
My optometrist looked for my file. She came back and furrowed her brow, "They're probably diverted."
That's some weird fucking phrasing, I thought. Then I realized what she meant, I said, "Are you saying that they're stolen?"
"Probably. Well, maybe."
"Oh." I didn't care.
"Calvin Klein doesn't allow their glasses to be sold online. Sometimes people come into an optometrist and ask for something in the back, then they grab a dozen frames and run out. They sell them online."
I grunted non-commitally.
"CostCo bought a bunch of CK frames from Australia and shipped them back here. That's illegal! This might be one of those." Lankakitten started discreetly making the crazy symbol with her twirling finger. I wasn't sure that it was illegal to import eyeglasses frames from another country.
"Anyway, I'd like lenses put in them," I said again.
She held them up to the light like they were crooked or something. What the fuck? I'm thinking. They're PLASTIC. They're not crooked. They were made in a mold. In China. For 3 cents. I paid over a hundred bucks for them, on discount. Anyway, they're not crooked!
"Usually they sell these at swapmeets," she continued.
Her practice was desperate, overpriced, and she was talking shit because I left her office (two months ago) unsatisfied with her wall-o-glasses and came back with frames I liked. I started adding up numbers in my head. If I left right that minute, how much would making a point cost me at my usual hourly rate? How much would I lose if I had to find another glasses place? Maybe $30 or $40. Fuck. I was stuck with her.
So I let her wind down, paid an amazing $175 for plastic lenses and left.
Sometimes it's just not worth whipping out your dick and peeing on someone.
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I remember a few years ago the place where I spend my springs (which you can figure out) got an In-n-Out. My girlfriend went on and on about how amazing it was and how I HAD to get one immediately. I did, and it was ... good, but not life-changing or anything. I thought it was like a somewhat better version of Dick's.
And I absolutely love Carl's Jr. I know people who live here think of it as just crappy fast food, but I love it. I've had it twice in four days.