I can't sleep a lick if I don't take something to aid my sleep I can't decide if I want to be a sleeper or constantly awake. If I decide to stay awake I'm going to have to find more things to fill my day. All I do now is read,watch shitty shows on tv, and of course masturbate to crappy porn that is the life of a real fuck I don't know what the fuck that is.
Winter is coming I feel freezing all the time my toes are cold but I dont want to put on socks. I wanted to get slippers but I'm starting to realize they only make two different kinds for guys black or gray both pretty crappy styles while girls and kids on the other hand get 50 different styles to chose from... I'm not happy about that one fucking bit. Fuck you slipper manufactures not all guys are stupid dullards who want to wear the same uniform style of slippers yeah I'll give you a lot of guys would be happy wearing just a cheap generic black or gray but fuck you not me I want more. I'm still freezing I want to make tea but I don't know that I have any that I want I have that purple passion kind but that isn't sounding so good to me... I thought I had the dejarring kind but the box was empty so I either consumed it all or some bastard took some fuck my forgetfulness because I can't blame others for anything because I never know what I did or didn't do. I have to have some sort of cheap generic black tea sitting around somewhere I just picked up fucking honey the other night dammit. Ugh the life of a dullard is aggrivating.
I'm going to try to get of the cynical kick I been on for a while just for no other reason than it gets dull after a while. You can't really enjoy it unless you occassionally get on that optimistic kick... yeah I'll believe in love, believe the world can be saved by my blind optimistic philosophy that fails to include any bit of facts about human social behavior but instead just looks at some words written by some guy on a opium high sometime before that jesus guy was around or something like that. I'll talk to people smile a little bit be cheerful and whatnot whatever those annoyingly happy people do I'm not exactly sure what that is... fuck even when I'm in a a good mood I'm not like that. Anyways I'll believe things will go right in the end for a while maybe a few months or maybe a year or maybe in just a week untill I'm once again jaded by the reality of existance. You can't really be jaded though unless you let yourself believe for a little while well I hope if I can do this that it's at least enjoyable... I want a lover one of those weird torrid romances that will always end with a bang like a rocket crash landing back to earth those are always the best ones. I want to spit out cheery optimistic quotes to people who seem to be a bit down... keep your head up kid tomorrow will be yours... it can't rain all the time.... and always smile you never know who's going to fall in love wiht that... god that is some great fucking shit. I'm going to read those Chicken Soup For Soul boooks goD I'm going to be so great.... or maybe not maybe I'll just cut down on the masturbation and watch the holiday cartoon specials drinking egg nog and eating pumpkin pie blizzards while throwing candy canes at the screeen anytime one of those happy cheery endings come along that life without a doubt never holds... that's bullshit never would happen in real life. I want miserable doomed characters that I can relate to. I want characters that accept there stupid tragic miserable existance like it was some tired old joke about the chicken crossing the road that's what I want not some stupid beagle dancing ontop of a piano... well maybe I do I fucking love snoopy.
Life is always asking you what you want to live or die. People always go for the middle groud I know I always do I try to ignore that I'm even alive hoping that my clock gets punched sooner or later so I wont have to face the dread of yet another day listening to what got blown up who died for whatever pathetic cause who's a hero who's a villian and whatnot. Facing the same day with a different name while I just age a little more everyday untill I turn gray and the leaves start falling off my branches with my mind fading into dull nothingness. So what's stopping me from either living or dying those are really the only people worth respecting right... who really cheers for the dull zombie who keeps running into the same wall expecting it to one day not really be there?
So yeah I don't know I updated are you happy now... I only mentioned masturbation like twice and didn't even say anything about fucking but who wants to talk about fucking on a sunday it's more of a saturday topic. Maybe not maybe fucking is something you can talk about any day who cares.
The best option still seems like running off to some distance world where no one exists and there is the ability to outrun that person you've become to fade off into the sunset with a cocktail in the hand or perhaps some fantasy lovers .... haha
Life will without a doubt end with a bang just not sure when that will be.
Winter is coming I feel freezing all the time my toes are cold but I dont want to put on socks. I wanted to get slippers but I'm starting to realize they only make two different kinds for guys black or gray both pretty crappy styles while girls and kids on the other hand get 50 different styles to chose from... I'm not happy about that one fucking bit. Fuck you slipper manufactures not all guys are stupid dullards who want to wear the same uniform style of slippers yeah I'll give you a lot of guys would be happy wearing just a cheap generic black or gray but fuck you not me I want more. I'm still freezing I want to make tea but I don't know that I have any that I want I have that purple passion kind but that isn't sounding so good to me... I thought I had the dejarring kind but the box was empty so I either consumed it all or some bastard took some fuck my forgetfulness because I can't blame others for anything because I never know what I did or didn't do. I have to have some sort of cheap generic black tea sitting around somewhere I just picked up fucking honey the other night dammit. Ugh the life of a dullard is aggrivating.
I'm going to try to get of the cynical kick I been on for a while just for no other reason than it gets dull after a while. You can't really enjoy it unless you occassionally get on that optimistic kick... yeah I'll believe in love, believe the world can be saved by my blind optimistic philosophy that fails to include any bit of facts about human social behavior but instead just looks at some words written by some guy on a opium high sometime before that jesus guy was around or something like that. I'll talk to people smile a little bit be cheerful and whatnot whatever those annoyingly happy people do I'm not exactly sure what that is... fuck even when I'm in a a good mood I'm not like that. Anyways I'll believe things will go right in the end for a while maybe a few months or maybe a year or maybe in just a week untill I'm once again jaded by the reality of existance. You can't really be jaded though unless you let yourself believe for a little while well I hope if I can do this that it's at least enjoyable... I want a lover one of those weird torrid romances that will always end with a bang like a rocket crash landing back to earth those are always the best ones. I want to spit out cheery optimistic quotes to people who seem to be a bit down... keep your head up kid tomorrow will be yours... it can't rain all the time.... and always smile you never know who's going to fall in love wiht that... god that is some great fucking shit. I'm going to read those Chicken Soup For Soul boooks goD I'm going to be so great.... or maybe not maybe I'll just cut down on the masturbation and watch the holiday cartoon specials drinking egg nog and eating pumpkin pie blizzards while throwing candy canes at the screeen anytime one of those happy cheery endings come along that life without a doubt never holds... that's bullshit never would happen in real life. I want miserable doomed characters that I can relate to. I want characters that accept there stupid tragic miserable existance like it was some tired old joke about the chicken crossing the road that's what I want not some stupid beagle dancing ontop of a piano... well maybe I do I fucking love snoopy.
Life is always asking you what you want to live or die. People always go for the middle groud I know I always do I try to ignore that I'm even alive hoping that my clock gets punched sooner or later so I wont have to face the dread of yet another day listening to what got blown up who died for whatever pathetic cause who's a hero who's a villian and whatnot. Facing the same day with a different name while I just age a little more everyday untill I turn gray and the leaves start falling off my branches with my mind fading into dull nothingness. So what's stopping me from either living or dying those are really the only people worth respecting right... who really cheers for the dull zombie who keeps running into the same wall expecting it to one day not really be there?
So yeah I don't know I updated are you happy now... I only mentioned masturbation like twice and didn't even say anything about fucking but who wants to talk about fucking on a sunday it's more of a saturday topic. Maybe not maybe fucking is something you can talk about any day who cares.
The best option still seems like running off to some distance world where no one exists and there is the ability to outrun that person you've become to fade off into the sunset with a cocktail in the hand or perhaps some fantasy lovers .... haha
Life will without a doubt end with a bang just not sure when that will be.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
Yeah sometimes I have trouble writting everything and anything but I just try to close my eyes and whip it out. It's depressing though to see people cut you after writing a blog even if I don't care about the person it's just a matter that something you wrote made someone not want to be a internet friend espcially when you're not even being ignorant.
I don't do LJ too much I go through spurts.
i read lj but that's about it.
most of the time i can't sleep w/out taking something. the only other way is by completely wearing myself out. i can never develop a routine.
i don't recall anyone cutting me for something i've typed, though i would have cut me for some of the shit i've typed, especially when i've lashed out calling everyone an asshole and the like. last time i did that i was really referring to my friends here and they knew it. they just ignored me though.