bluedogdays

well... i should be sleeping... but i like to drag my "not getting off of the computer" out for as long as possible... so i think that means it's time for an update! ;o)

i'm on break from school this week. i've been absolutely swamped with projects and assignments this semester, so it's nice to have a little bit of time to relax. i think i'm just going to stay in my pajamas for the next 7 days. but i'd also like to go out... anyone up for some pj-clad barhopping? i'm supposed to head out to kalamazoo for a couple of days later on in the week... which i'm having very mixed feelings about. it'll be nice to see my friends. and nice to see my cat, who i miss more than i can possibly express. yes, she rates above the humans. ;o) but i also have to let everybody out there know that i'm not planning on coming back anymore, and hope that they understand that i'm trying to do what's best for me. moving back there would feel like a giant step backward. it would be so easy to just fall right back into everything, but it's not what i want anymore. i also have to have a conversation with my ex, who seems to be under the impression that if she snaps her fingers i'll come running back to her. which, admittedly, is what has happened in the past. but i'm done. the feelings changed a long time ago, and i know what i want and what i don't want. she doesn't make me happy and i don't know how to express that in a nice way while still being firm about, because apparently i haven't gotten the point across the last 5 times we've talked about it. i don't know. i just hate letting people down. but i hate having to hold people up even more. let's see... what else... i'm loving having a photo lab to work in again. i have many old rolls of film that i've been taking in and processing in my free time, which has been fun- they're all from the past 3 years, and i never marked any of them so they've all been surprises. and i missed the smell of photo chemicals and the hazy light in the darkroom and just everything everything everything. one of the few places that can clear my mind as soon as i enter. one of the others is the pool, where the girl (like how you've been dubbed "the girl"?) is dragging me tomorrow night. ;o) i'm looking forward to it, even though i've been complaining about it and coming up with excuses to get out of it the last couple of months. i really feel that i'll probably keel over after a few laps, which is embarassing considering i spent middle school and high school swimming year round. i'm out of shape like whoa. ;o) but i'm hoping it'll motivate me to start going a few times a week again. plus i get a really comfortable bed to sleep in as a reward, and a favorite warm body to curl up next to. because that's what friends do!!! ;o)
i went out and played in the bookstore with osoesoteric tonight, which was nice, as we had lots of catching up to do. i've said it before and i'll say it again: we shouldn't be allowed in public together. our conversations are never anywhere near appropriate, and should only be had far away from anyone with ears. ok. i should go to bed now. i think i've rambled and wasted enough time (yours and mine) for one evening. to sum up: gotta finishing closing up a few old chapters of my life, but am insanely happy with all of the new plot twists and turns that are spreading out in front of me in the here and now. xoxoxoxo to you all.