CONRAD: (looking out a window)
The act like they own the joint. They act like they fucking own the joint.
EULALIA: Who, Con. Who?
CONRAD: Rat-bastard nut gatherers.
EULALIA: You mustnt give them so much power over you, love. I know theyre your spirit animals and all, but, I mean, please.
CONRAD: (spitting his words)
Spirit. Esprit. No Goddam spirit animal to me, love. Arch-nemeses?...
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AN EASTER JOKE
A client walks into his psychiatrist's office around Easter time, and sits down and begins his session. The psychiatrist offers him a large chocolate bunny and encourages the guy to enjoy it.
Afterward, the psychiatrist says, "Now, that chocolate bunny I gave you was actually a test. I wanted to see what part of the bunny you would eat first. That will...
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A client walks into his psychiatrist's office around Easter time, and sits down and begins his session. The psychiatrist offers him a large chocolate bunny and encourages the guy to enjoy it.
Afterward, the psychiatrist says, "Now, that chocolate bunny I gave you was actually a test. I wanted to see what part of the bunny you would eat first. That will...
Read More
A DREAM, UNINTERPRETED
I am looking for a vacation and I choose a serene and beautiful place I know: Devil's Tower. It's snowing there, and I find myself among happy families sledding down slopes under the zen stone volcano plug pillar (that, by the way, celebrates its 100th anniversary as America's first national monument this year, assholes...) Amid the frolic, I come upon a kid,...
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I am looking for a vacation and I choose a serene and beautiful place I know: Devil's Tower. It's snowing there, and I find myself among happy families sledding down slopes under the zen stone volcano plug pillar (that, by the way, celebrates its 100th anniversary as America's first national monument this year, assholes...) Amid the frolic, I come upon a kid,...
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A Death Announcement
The patron saint of poverty law, Lionel Twain, died today at his address, 22 Twain. He was somewhere in his seventies, healthy, but for the broken leg outside a cigar shop in Florida which led to an extended hospital stay or two which complicated his health. He died peacefully and gracefully, as he had lived. He officially joined the Dead Poverty Lawyers'...
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The patron saint of poverty law, Lionel Twain, died today at his address, 22 Twain. He was somewhere in his seventies, healthy, but for the broken leg outside a cigar shop in Florida which led to an extended hospital stay or two which complicated his health. He died peacefully and gracefully, as he had lived. He officially joined the Dead Poverty Lawyers'...
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Whos Afraid of Virginia Squirrel?
CONRAD: (emerging from the kitchen, through the dining room, to the living room, where his wife, EULALIA, is sitting at a desk, surfing the Net.)
Would you get off the fucking Internet, already?
EULALIA: (sitting at a desk in the living room, glazed eyes to the laptop screen.)
Love, dont swear so much. Im waiting for you to finish making...
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CONRAD: (emerging from the kitchen, through the dining room, to the living room, where his wife, EULALIA, is sitting at a desk, surfing the Net.)
Would you get off the fucking Internet, already?
EULALIA: (sitting at a desk in the living room, glazed eyes to the laptop screen.)
Love, dont swear so much. Im waiting for you to finish making...
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bloomsday:
EULALIA: I was doing Beatty channelling Beatrice Straight. It was post-Ringwald.
CONRAD: Alright, B plus. And get off the fucking internet, already. Tea is done. (He extends his empty hand to escort her upstairs, while she dims the lights.)
Can we watch the one on the dusty backroad?
EULALIA: Isn't that the one with the flies? You were nauseated by the flies, I remember.
CONRAD: Hey, keep your Dali outta my Freud, love. What do you think this is -- Spellbound?
EULALIA: About the spelling bee?
CONRAD: No, love. Gregory Peck and Ingrid Bergman, I think. Hitchcock. Those menacing stairs. Parallel lines, love. Parallel lines.
(All Exunt.)
CONRAD: Alright, B plus. And get off the fucking internet, already. Tea is done. (He extends his empty hand to escort her upstairs, while she dims the lights.)
Can we watch the one on the dusty backroad?
EULALIA: Isn't that the one with the flies? You were nauseated by the flies, I remember.
CONRAD: Hey, keep your Dali outta my Freud, love. What do you think this is -- Spellbound?
EULALIA: About the spelling bee?
CONRAD: No, love. Gregory Peck and Ingrid Bergman, I think. Hitchcock. Those menacing stairs. Parallel lines, love. Parallel lines.
(All Exunt.)
meridon:
I adore your username
Hello My Love:
Three Gatherings and a Herd of Squirrels
We celebrated correctly this year, with a modestly decorated tree, liquor soaked bundt cake, bj's in pj's, four pork tenderloins with sauer and dumplings, laser-leveled picture frames and good times on hardwood floors in freshly painted rooms with friends and family. Those pine-scented candles were DEE-LICIOSO.
At 9:00 am on New Year's Day, I was...
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Three Gatherings and a Herd of Squirrels
We celebrated correctly this year, with a modestly decorated tree, liquor soaked bundt cake, bj's in pj's, four pork tenderloins with sauer and dumplings, laser-leveled picture frames and good times on hardwood floors in freshly painted rooms with friends and family. Those pine-scented candles were DEE-LICIOSO.
At 9:00 am on New Year's Day, I was...
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Hello, My Dear:
This is the story of three parties. Three parties in our new house. The first and second are over, the third is yet to come. No family crises, no drunk does sobbing in the freshly painted Barn half bath. Everything went quite well these holidays, so far. We do have party #3 on new years day. I assume my pork and sauerkraut...
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This is the story of three parties. Three parties in our new house. The first and second are over, the third is yet to come. No family crises, no drunk does sobbing in the freshly painted Barn half bath. Everything went quite well these holidays, so far. We do have party #3 on new years day. I assume my pork and sauerkraut...
Read More
for those playing along at home:
House Republicans have told their Commander in Chief that they do not approve of torture, cruel or inhumane treatement. They voted with McCain. Bush is flying solo on this one.
Kerry and Kennedy are set to investigate secret prisons, with the aid of a provisions regarding freshly declassified White House docs on Iranq.
All of Europe is in mid...
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House Republicans have told their Commander in Chief that they do not approve of torture, cruel or inhumane treatement. They voted with McCain. Bush is flying solo on this one.
Kerry and Kennedy are set to investigate secret prisons, with the aid of a provisions regarding freshly declassified White House docs on Iranq.
All of Europe is in mid...
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Act I: the bridge is haunted
There used to be a bridge that left this southern bank of the Cuyahoga and stretched across to where the downtown firehouse stands. It was destroyed before the inner belt was built. Before it was destroyed, seventeen citizen commuters of the city of Cleveland perished here when the bridge over the river failed to operate properly. They plunged into...
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There used to be a bridge that left this southern bank of the Cuyahoga and stretched across to where the downtown firehouse stands. It was destroyed before the inner belt was built. Before it was destroyed, seventeen citizen commuters of the city of Cleveland perished here when the bridge over the river failed to operate properly. They plunged into...
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aleajactaest:
Bicycle themed barbeques....Thats ingenious..
A JUDGE FOR MISS PENITENTIARY
If you know me, you know that I work in improvisational moral theater. Sometimes I have an audience, sometimes I don't. It doesn't matter. Regardless of who's watching, I have a duty to give what my heart and the Constittyotion require. It's my job.
I have achieved notable success in this endeavor since I began my career over a decade...
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If you know me, you know that I work in improvisational moral theater. Sometimes I have an audience, sometimes I don't. It doesn't matter. Regardless of who's watching, I have a duty to give what my heart and the Constittyotion require. It's my job.
I have achieved notable success in this endeavor since I began my career over a decade...
Read More