Lawyers, Nuns and Money
My experience with the beloved Sisters of St. Ruth began when, while jogging through their ravine access to the Cuyahoga River valley. I had found a large bone less than 50 feet from a cemetery for nuns on the property. I took the muddy bone to the Convent. I told the sister who greeted me exactly where I had found it, and it didnt seem right to leave it there, especially if a forensic expert thought it was human. She asked for my name and number, and I gave it. A few weeks later, I got a call.
Mr. Bloomsday?
Yes, I said into my cell phone in the crick of my neck, as I fumbled for my office key with a Grande Mild in one hand and a dozen criminal files in the other.
I have an update on the bone you found. It created some excitement around here, so we asked a butcher who told us it was from a large animal, probably something thrown in the trash and taken into the woods by raccoons, he said. He said it was sawed.
Ah, the mystery solved, I said.
Yes, mystery, indeed! She sounded like Julie Andrews. Was this nun faking a British accent? It caused quite a stir, thinking that it was lost, somehow. The bone, I mean. It is now filed in our archives, with your name and number, and a brief explanation of how it was found and what our resources have told us.
Resources? I asked.
The butcher, I mean, she clarified.
Yes, I said. Butchers are good resources. As are plumbers. And carpenters.
Definitely carpenters!! Ha-ha she laughed.
Well, I must tell you I very much enjoy your property and I hope my running through it to get down to the jogging path in the valley is o.k. Its been a healthy habit. And I do love cemeteries.
We welcome the use of our land for enjoyment of its beauty, for recreation, and for prayer. We also have composting, our vehicles run on natural gas, we do paper recycling, and we have a wind turbine powered generator coming soon.
Very impressive, Sister.
Youre a lawyer, Mr. Bloomsday?
Yes, but I only work for people who dont have money to hire a real lawyer. Im an advocate for the poor.
Well, we dont have money because we take a vow of poverty.
Are you saying you need a lawyer, Sister? You do qualify for my services.
No, not I. But perhaps you could stop in during one of your jogs and talk with someone here. They have legal questions.
Ill jog over after work. Who shall I ask for?
Ask for Sister Beatrice or Bernice.
We hung up. I went and took a piss.