CONRAD: (looking out a window)
The act like they own the joint. They act like they fucking own the joint.
EULALIA: Who, Con. Who?
CONRAD: Rat-bastard nut gatherers.
EULALIA: You mustnt give them so much power over you, love. I know theyre your spirit animals and all, but, I mean, please.
CONRAD: (spitting his words)
Spirit. Esprit. No Goddam spirit animal to me, love. Arch-nemeses? Perhaps.
EULALIA: By nemeses, you mean more than one nemesis?
CONRAD: That I do intend, love. Those squirrels, collectively, are a single enemy. A single remorseless consortium of tiny, furtive, shameless squirrel minds is my Nemesis. Like our collective unconscious is the enemy of society.
EULALIA: So youre mad at our collective unconscious?
CONRAD: Not mad, so much as disappointed. Like Im disappointed in these fucking squirrels.
EULALIA: So youre disappointed in our collective unconscious?
CONRAD: That I am, love. Its all so Bush/Brit or Brittanys bush.
EULALIA: Britts clit, perhaps?
CONRAD: The Landlords Daughter. Yes, love she, too, is a part of our collective unconscious.
EULALIA: Your collective unconscious, whomever you collect it with. Not ours, love.
CONRAD: No, no. I mean ours, love. As in, Yours, Mine and Ours. Only, you can leave out the mine, love, because I have nothing which is not either yours or ours. In fact, You leave out the yours, so that you are left with mine and ours, since all things for you are either yours or ours. Nothing is mine.
EULALIA: What about your porno stash. Is that mine, too?
CONRAD: When you want it, love, it is yours. That gallant collection, my collection, is your collection. But be wary. The erotic gems are hidden amidst unpleasant gags and such. Squirreling Illustrated is solid, through and through.
EULALIA: Squirreling? Dont you mean squirting? Has your enemy invaded your sex thoughts, too, love?
CONRAD: Perhaps. I need sexual healin, momma. Squirrels got me down. Especially that one castrating bitch, Virginia.
EULALIA: Virginia?
CONRAD: Yes, love. Virginia Squirrel. Fear her. I saw her gnaw a fellows wang right off.
EULALIA: A fellow squirrel? What became of him.
CONRAD: The poor castrato crawled away and died a lonely death. I found him behind the garage, curled in a little ball.
EULALIA: Perhaps he was cheating on her. Perhaps he deserved it.
CONRAD: If people who cheat deserve to die, love. I cheated in Latin class. Shall I deserve to die through a gnawed off hole where my cock used to be?
EULALIA: No more FLACID, PLACID, TURBID, TURGID?
CONRAD: No more FLACID, PLACID, TURBID, TURGID, love.
EULALIA: I will be very, very afraid of this Virginia Squirrel. Very afraid, indeed.