Personally my history repeats, if my history has told me anything at all its that it will come full circle time and time again and alomst repeat it self. The tone maybe different the style of it all may look nothing like the past, yet the end result and the base story of it all remains the same.
It could just be me but I think almost everyones life almost follows the same pattern, mine especially. I have either not learned from my past mistakes or I m just going to make them over and over agaqin till I get it right or something. Once again I find myself infatuated with a woman I should know better then to even set my sights on, perhaps its my need for a challenge in my life the stubborness of my nature. I have always had a great sense of character in a person, a good sense of who I will get along with and who I will not. On the surface nothing really matches up right opposite ends of the spectrum really, but there is still this attraction I felt instantanously, lust at first sight. Granted that can only be based on pure physical attraction to say anything else would be a lie. I did not know her I did not even know of her existance and as fate would have its fun and games I saw her fell for her then was posted with her. Insanity almost enough to make a agnostic move to side of blind faith, so I learn through out the night adding on to the instant physical attraction crating a grander infatuation. Not only is this woman a beautiful creation graced upon this speckel of dust in this vast universe, she is intelligent, sarcastic and of the two I am not sure which attracts me more. I hold sarcasim and the ablitly to throw out sarcastic lines and the ease of understanding of my own cheesy sarcasim as a great sign of inteligence. For the first time in a long time I found someone, yes just someone not just a woman but both sides of our species I have encountered someone who can not only grasp my quick one liners but retaliate with lines of their own just as fast as I throw them out. Best way to my heart out smart me lol, I m such a nerd.
Time to go back to fate and its fun and games. I have been on station seven months now, wow seven months time does move quickly doesnt it? Seems like only a a brief time ago I was sitting in the recruiters office deciding if this was what I really wanted to do with my life. Three years, three years ago I was sitting here in love and now I m debating over a infatuation I shouldnt even be concidering. Two years ago and year ago I was nuturing the same concept, each time the match in my mind seems to be more perfected. I m just delusional perhaps, wouldnt surprise me. Back to the fun n games before I run away on this tangent too far. Before a week ago I had never even hear this womans name, and now I ve heard it daily almost I have run into her on numerous occations and now Work with her.
That first night however was enough to dig her into my brain like a song that just wont leave, constantly on repeat. Up until and hour after being on shift I was posted with her yet again, and yes I will admit I was slightly exstatic until those fun and games came along and like I said it was only an hour into shit then, fate interviened and that hour I can say I didnt not give off the greatest impression, naturally. I instantly go into into this retardation.
My sense of reason and speach just loose their all rational thought. I just make a complete jack out of myself, I ll say something that makes no sense thats stupid or on and on and on it really does not matter base line fact of the matter is that I act like a fool. I cannot keep my composure when I m around her, just the same as it was with her predicessors. I have six days six more, then its off to Germany where the fun continues, she will be there as well.
As fate will have it as well there are six months that follow where we will be down range in the desert together as well. In the past all I have done is made a complete fool out of myself and at most gained a great friend which as much as I wished before hand for us to be much more then friends I cannot denie I like where the end of the story has come. The conclusion to my past trangressions has been more then sadisfactory. But great friends only come once in a while and I always appreciated my great friends ones I feel I can truely trust especially with my trust issues one can only take on so many good friends before the need the want and desire of something more completely drives one self and ruins all friends anyway, I do not want desperation to drive me to where this third possible more or friend get driven away due to my own inability to create a concrete relationship.
Nothing would please me more then to finnaly have someone to share these thoughts with someone who can put up with my insanity some one I can show emotion to. But deep down I think I know that I m one who will more then likey be the one to finish last. I spend my time with comics video games the internet and movies, not the top line attractions to the opposite sex. TO top it off one last kicker I fall in the darker slice of the pie the, social suicides ones that choose to be different. I wouldnt want it anyother way the combinations of my persona are what I firmly believe make me a better person. I am the nice guy I will more then likly finish last. But when the day is over if I have to stand at a gate and have someone judge my life I can with confidence say, yeah I was a good person I lived by what I believed was right and did what I could to correct the wrong. Dispite my lack of faith in some sort of higher power some divine being to dictat what I do, I will always do what I believe to be is good not out of fear of some eternal damnation but because it is the right thing to do. If there is a greater being out there, it should not need my faith to see that I am a good person. PLainly and simply, yet I rant on about it as if I am concerned over it. It is I suppose ratteling my cage a bit, due to the fact my infatuation is from what I m told and from what I have seen a devoute believer in her choosen faith. Theres nothign I can really do however just ride the ride see how this goes I cannot change who I am only hope how I am is how things need to be
Bewary of cryptic messages you never know where they are and how easily the can be spotted.
Even though I type away at what seems like constant gibberish it all has value
Theroputic value at the very least.
Someday I might express my self in a clear cut manner but until then,
You will have to fight through the fog of my mind.
Accept it for how it is.
Now is the time
Nothing else matters
-Spider
It could just be me but I think almost everyones life almost follows the same pattern, mine especially. I have either not learned from my past mistakes or I m just going to make them over and over agaqin till I get it right or something. Once again I find myself infatuated with a woman I should know better then to even set my sights on, perhaps its my need for a challenge in my life the stubborness of my nature. I have always had a great sense of character in a person, a good sense of who I will get along with and who I will not. On the surface nothing really matches up right opposite ends of the spectrum really, but there is still this attraction I felt instantanously, lust at first sight. Granted that can only be based on pure physical attraction to say anything else would be a lie. I did not know her I did not even know of her existance and as fate would have its fun and games I saw her fell for her then was posted with her. Insanity almost enough to make a agnostic move to side of blind faith, so I learn through out the night adding on to the instant physical attraction crating a grander infatuation. Not only is this woman a beautiful creation graced upon this speckel of dust in this vast universe, she is intelligent, sarcastic and of the two I am not sure which attracts me more. I hold sarcasim and the ablitly to throw out sarcastic lines and the ease of understanding of my own cheesy sarcasim as a great sign of inteligence. For the first time in a long time I found someone, yes just someone not just a woman but both sides of our species I have encountered someone who can not only grasp my quick one liners but retaliate with lines of their own just as fast as I throw them out. Best way to my heart out smart me lol, I m such a nerd.
Time to go back to fate and its fun and games. I have been on station seven months now, wow seven months time does move quickly doesnt it? Seems like only a a brief time ago I was sitting in the recruiters office deciding if this was what I really wanted to do with my life. Three years, three years ago I was sitting here in love and now I m debating over a infatuation I shouldnt even be concidering. Two years ago and year ago I was nuturing the same concept, each time the match in my mind seems to be more perfected. I m just delusional perhaps, wouldnt surprise me. Back to the fun n games before I run away on this tangent too far. Before a week ago I had never even hear this womans name, and now I ve heard it daily almost I have run into her on numerous occations and now Work with her.
That first night however was enough to dig her into my brain like a song that just wont leave, constantly on repeat. Up until and hour after being on shift I was posted with her yet again, and yes I will admit I was slightly exstatic until those fun and games came along and like I said it was only an hour into shit then, fate interviened and that hour I can say I didnt not give off the greatest impression, naturally. I instantly go into into this retardation.
My sense of reason and speach just loose their all rational thought. I just make a complete jack out of myself, I ll say something that makes no sense thats stupid or on and on and on it really does not matter base line fact of the matter is that I act like a fool. I cannot keep my composure when I m around her, just the same as it was with her predicessors. I have six days six more, then its off to Germany where the fun continues, she will be there as well.
As fate will have it as well there are six months that follow where we will be down range in the desert together as well. In the past all I have done is made a complete fool out of myself and at most gained a great friend which as much as I wished before hand for us to be much more then friends I cannot denie I like where the end of the story has come. The conclusion to my past trangressions has been more then sadisfactory. But great friends only come once in a while and I always appreciated my great friends ones I feel I can truely trust especially with my trust issues one can only take on so many good friends before the need the want and desire of something more completely drives one self and ruins all friends anyway, I do not want desperation to drive me to where this third possible more or friend get driven away due to my own inability to create a concrete relationship.
Nothing would please me more then to finnaly have someone to share these thoughts with someone who can put up with my insanity some one I can show emotion to. But deep down I think I know that I m one who will more then likey be the one to finish last. I spend my time with comics video games the internet and movies, not the top line attractions to the opposite sex. TO top it off one last kicker I fall in the darker slice of the pie the, social suicides ones that choose to be different. I wouldnt want it anyother way the combinations of my persona are what I firmly believe make me a better person. I am the nice guy I will more then likly finish last. But when the day is over if I have to stand at a gate and have someone judge my life I can with confidence say, yeah I was a good person I lived by what I believed was right and did what I could to correct the wrong. Dispite my lack of faith in some sort of higher power some divine being to dictat what I do, I will always do what I believe to be is good not out of fear of some eternal damnation but because it is the right thing to do. If there is a greater being out there, it should not need my faith to see that I am a good person. PLainly and simply, yet I rant on about it as if I am concerned over it. It is I suppose ratteling my cage a bit, due to the fact my infatuation is from what I m told and from what I have seen a devoute believer in her choosen faith. Theres nothign I can really do however just ride the ride see how this goes I cannot change who I am only hope how I am is how things need to be
Bewary of cryptic messages you never know where they are and how easily the can be spotted.
Even though I type away at what seems like constant gibberish it all has value
Theroputic value at the very least.
Someday I might express my self in a clear cut manner but until then,
You will have to fight through the fog of my mind.
Accept it for how it is.
Now is the time
Nothing else matters
-Spider
gogo:
yayyy