HELLO! SG FRONT PAGE FOR THE NEXT 5 TO 10 MINUTES 
Ok got that sillyness out of the way lol. Well this is from a few days ago updated it on my site but lol its still bugging me so I m going to update it on here for a lil bit till I have some more intresting news happen. Which should be shortly I m going to see metallica on saturday HELL YEAH! lol sny way here enjoy this lol its lenghty:
12 June 2006
04:44:42
This Will Fall Away
So yeah I keep trying to update this but it was acting funky and kept going to my old site and wanting to update that I dunno why but it was but yay finnaly go through.
Its been intresting the past couple weeks. I went to a concert pretty good pretty good.... met a girl.... pretty great... danced....lol told I was good... dont believe it. Then it all come to a good old grand ending with everything falling apart lol.
I laugh yes I laugh about it cause nothing can change it its what happened. Yes looking back maybe at key moments things may have been different but wasnt how things went down. I had fun though, I know if you read my myspace I may seem different with how I felt about it but that was right after this is a while after. Yeah I got toyed with badly and man am I annoied by it dont like those lil games thats why I generally avoid much of what I did this weekend.It was a nice taste of the other side a world that generally shuns my kind, I had a way in an insider so to say one that straddled the lines both one of them and one of my kind
Now you must think well howd it go wrong well on the inside the real her or at least what I m pretty sure is he her she is most comfortable being there was nothing wrong at all. As far as I know we hit it off spectacularly she was smiling laughing joking with me I with her flirty and all that shit. She got me to dance .. well more taught me too, her and her sis say I did good I ll never believe it but it was nice... mostly due to the me her and not much inbetween part.
So seriouslythis night was great allll the way up to the last hour or so probably more on the or so maybe two hours. Her sis says someone owas there I still am not sure of his name, she feels bad cause she promised she would meet him here I get told hes a friend initally.... ah now you all see where it gets sour eh.. yes initially told friend so me no biggie there was guy friends all night saying hi and asking for dances but I was the one that returned to pretty quick too I might add generally.
Welll yeahas you guessed it not this time. Poof gone and I m stading in a club with no one really that I know or even care to know for that matter I m out of my realm. Pretty much lost and starting to sette back down to reality and looking around teh place its all the popular type of craving people around me amazing looking girls who are only amzing looking cause thats all I m pretty sure they concern themselves with. Spend teh day getting all pretty like and then party all night. Yeah my I m with an amazing model rocker chick high pretty much drops instantly.
lol funny thing too my name was decided by one that it cant be spelt Spider with an i but Spyder ... yeah no not so much I clearly know how I spell it and I definatly did not go with the y just like its vampire not vampyer for me.
So I ve decided that that night there was actually a Spyder in the mysts he was the guy that dance and all that and comprimised Spider. Cause really I cant nor ever realoly want to dance I m a mosher a head banger a person lacking in much rythm. But I had this girl who for me to chill with was going to need that or so I thought at least.
But moving forward with the tale. Yeah poof I m stranded and I walk abit try and ... well no didnt try to mingle just looked around and said what the fuck I chill for a lil bit then of course I go looking for her I see her and watch.. see if I m getting ditched or what... Well to be honest I m still completly confused by the entire situation. Now I mentioned the Spyder and Spider deal for this reason cause i really didnt elaborate on it that well above but I needed to establish that split in persons in myself to go with my theory of splits in her.
Ok I m watchin just talking going on not muc else entire time she looked miserable seriously I m not even exaggerating to make my case look better, none of the laughter I got from her earlier barely any smiles, and every one I saw they looked fake. So after a bit everyone is starting to leave and our lil group is gathering back together I go up there intoduce my self n all that, now upon closer look I could have sworn she had just cried denile from her on that but the look was not the fun gril I was spending time this girl was someone else didnt even come near me really. Also now when I asked about him I got hes this guy I m talking with... ouch..
So my mood that had already turned sour just got even more so... I was just lost in my head going wtf
Cursing my self for letting it all happen, kicking myself for even entering this world of people. I thought I was safe she was a rocker on the inside I saw that I know that but the model on the outside was now behind the wheel. So now apperently model and me are not close like. So now the club is playing rock music my stuff I just wanna hit someone now .. mini pit breaks out .. turns to a fight in a milisecond and luckly I was held back there wise night would have been over, even though it pretty much was anyway. I would recieve the cold shoulder treatment the rest of the night. There was a milisecond where concern over me was there but I was already too far gone with the insult of being toyed with all night to even want to acknowledege it, if I would have I would have just been a complete ass, I didnt say anything to her to be a jerk but it took alot and I did lash out on others. Cause you cant keep it all bottled up
So we leave the club its now like six in the morning now I m tired been up practically three days with lil to none sleep. Those of you who have talked with em when I m overly tired know that yeah I dont hold back when I tlak then so I walked ahead of everyone just so I didnt say anythign and bit my tongue alot. Even though I was completely discusted with what had happened I still like her and I know what the real person on the inside is like and know that if it wasnt for the world surrounding that rocker on the inside it would be different. The world affecting the outside I believe cause even though I believe thats how it is I could be completly wrong adn I know it but the way I m looking at it this is how I see it. Theres the rocker on the inside who meshes with me great and the model on the out where has to be like it is to comply with it world the world it has to deal with daily. Has an image to uphold and standards to keep with and the guy the guy that made her look miserable was part of that. Alot like the rocker in my is held back to uphold the standards of the military.
You can say I cant possible know that that shes probably just a bitch and toyed with me a tease. But I go out and just be cocky with this cause its proven itself over and over and is pretty damn good, I have a excellent judge of character, especiallyw hen i have a chance to casually tlak with a person. I talked with her a lot earlier on in the night and I know that on the inside that part that will one day force its way out is a great gril its just for now and probably for a while its trapped in this world that isnt forced upon her but is the world that is there and like us all we have to adapt to the world we are in.
I talk alot dont I? too mcuh if you ask cause also in retro there are thigns I would have rather wished I didnt write.. worte some stuff yesturday to em.. wasnt bad but .. probably too much.. and things that I think is probably going to be taken in the wrong context. Cant do nothing about it now though it was written for my sake not theirs, selfish yeah it was. I needed to get things out cause I m done with the botteling deal with ertain things.
Back to leaving the club though one in a drunken mess one just seeming so depressed and me and my friend... well more so associate sober. Back to the apartment.. where apperntly the rocker or a mix of the two was there, at first minimal interaction with me then laying next to me as we watched old school.... this just aggravated me more so but it was how it was. I took it as is and I was calmer at this point as well constantly thinking however that i should have known better anyway.
So yeah I dont know.. lol she does twitch in her sleep, snore a lil cutely if you can believe that and lol I guess some other crazy stuff from what her sister said the next day while she sleeps.... now all of my dirty mind friends stop now nthign happened alright.. fell asleep durring the movie then pressed on to their bedroom.
Besides those that know me best knowthat I m not the type thats goal for an evening is that anyway and after getting shunned for the night I wouldnt have gone for that anyway casuse fuck that shit not getting ignored ten used again hell no. Guys who do that stop thinking with you dick alright woopi you got some if its that big a deal with you then great for anyone who has decided to grow up a bit would rather keep some pride.... she was damn hot thoguh so lol I say it cause lol it didnt happen but yeah it would have been hard not to if oporunity arouse but even so. I knwo my self pretty well and I think iwould have been smarter in the situation anyway.Think what you want on that nothing happened either way.
In conclusion lol after this five page report, I may or may not have a friend still with her.... I get a feeling its goign to depend on her sister a lil on that one.. had to send that note to her sister to get it to her... but I dont know one side of me thinks the woman I saw on the inside will know what she did and feel bad about it.. then part of me just knows I m never going to hear from them again and I ve basically gotten a fuck you back in response...
I dont know
But hey lol I branched out fuckers, so take that to all of you who have ever shunned me and any other freak cause take that I held my own in the fashion world I may have crashed and burned but I may not have in the long run either way. HA HA freaky lil anti social head banging vampiric rocker made his was in to that lil fashion world popular club in Milian the "fashion capital of the world" dance and didnt to to bad for himself. As much a I can bringmy self down about it I m going to keep trying to keep my self on the up and up cause that week between me meeting her at the concert and the club I was me at my fullest the me that hadnt been drained by my military life the me that went to concerts weekly and had colored hair and piercings.I needed that week.
So lol if you read this and you knwo who I m talking about if you are thanks.. lol yeah thanks.... gave me some dance lessons and a good time gave me back some of the confidence I lost long ago even though thta was cold what happened at the end of the night , I think I understand what happened now. We had a lot in common a bloody hell of a lot eh love.
so why not have a slight spliting in personalities as well.
Maybe I m too nice, always have been the nice guy finishing last. You know what though wouldnt want it anyother way.
If any of this is a confusion for you if your going what the hell was that all about its probably because on here there hasnt been any mention of this look at my other myspace blogs entitled "B B B Burn' and "6 Times to the face" for the background history on it all.
-Spider
Ciao Ciao
Ok got that sillyness out of the way lol. Well this is from a few days ago updated it on my site but lol its still bugging me so I m going to update it on here for a lil bit till I have some more intresting news happen. Which should be shortly I m going to see metallica on saturday HELL YEAH! lol sny way here enjoy this lol its lenghty:
12 June 2006
04:44:42
This Will Fall Away
So yeah I keep trying to update this but it was acting funky and kept going to my old site and wanting to update that I dunno why but it was but yay finnaly go through.
Its been intresting the past couple weeks. I went to a concert pretty good pretty good.... met a girl.... pretty great... danced....lol told I was good... dont believe it. Then it all come to a good old grand ending with everything falling apart lol.
I laugh yes I laugh about it cause nothing can change it its what happened. Yes looking back maybe at key moments things may have been different but wasnt how things went down. I had fun though, I know if you read my myspace I may seem different with how I felt about it but that was right after this is a while after. Yeah I got toyed with badly and man am I annoied by it dont like those lil games thats why I generally avoid much of what I did this weekend.It was a nice taste of the other side a world that generally shuns my kind, I had a way in an insider so to say one that straddled the lines both one of them and one of my kind
Now you must think well howd it go wrong well on the inside the real her or at least what I m pretty sure is he her she is most comfortable being there was nothing wrong at all. As far as I know we hit it off spectacularly she was smiling laughing joking with me I with her flirty and all that shit. She got me to dance .. well more taught me too, her and her sis say I did good I ll never believe it but it was nice... mostly due to the me her and not much inbetween part.
So seriouslythis night was great allll the way up to the last hour or so probably more on the or so maybe two hours. Her sis says someone owas there I still am not sure of his name, she feels bad cause she promised she would meet him here I get told hes a friend initally.... ah now you all see where it gets sour eh.. yes initially told friend so me no biggie there was guy friends all night saying hi and asking for dances but I was the one that returned to pretty quick too I might add generally.
Welll yeahas you guessed it not this time. Poof gone and I m stading in a club with no one really that I know or even care to know for that matter I m out of my realm. Pretty much lost and starting to sette back down to reality and looking around teh place its all the popular type of craving people around me amazing looking girls who are only amzing looking cause thats all I m pretty sure they concern themselves with. Spend teh day getting all pretty like and then party all night. Yeah my I m with an amazing model rocker chick high pretty much drops instantly.
lol funny thing too my name was decided by one that it cant be spelt Spider with an i but Spyder ... yeah no not so much I clearly know how I spell it and I definatly did not go with the y just like its vampire not vampyer for me.
So I ve decided that that night there was actually a Spyder in the mysts he was the guy that dance and all that and comprimised Spider. Cause really I cant nor ever realoly want to dance I m a mosher a head banger a person lacking in much rythm. But I had this girl who for me to chill with was going to need that or so I thought at least.
But moving forward with the tale. Yeah poof I m stranded and I walk abit try and ... well no didnt try to mingle just looked around and said what the fuck I chill for a lil bit then of course I go looking for her I see her and watch.. see if I m getting ditched or what... Well to be honest I m still completly confused by the entire situation. Now I mentioned the Spyder and Spider deal for this reason cause i really didnt elaborate on it that well above but I needed to establish that split in persons in myself to go with my theory of splits in her.
Ok I m watchin just talking going on not muc else entire time she looked miserable seriously I m not even exaggerating to make my case look better, none of the laughter I got from her earlier barely any smiles, and every one I saw they looked fake. So after a bit everyone is starting to leave and our lil group is gathering back together I go up there intoduce my self n all that, now upon closer look I could have sworn she had just cried denile from her on that but the look was not the fun gril I was spending time this girl was someone else didnt even come near me really. Also now when I asked about him I got hes this guy I m talking with... ouch..
So my mood that had already turned sour just got even more so... I was just lost in my head going wtf
Cursing my self for letting it all happen, kicking myself for even entering this world of people. I thought I was safe she was a rocker on the inside I saw that I know that but the model on the outside was now behind the wheel. So now apperently model and me are not close like. So now the club is playing rock music my stuff I just wanna hit someone now .. mini pit breaks out .. turns to a fight in a milisecond and luckly I was held back there wise night would have been over, even though it pretty much was anyway. I would recieve the cold shoulder treatment the rest of the night. There was a milisecond where concern over me was there but I was already too far gone with the insult of being toyed with all night to even want to acknowledege it, if I would have I would have just been a complete ass, I didnt say anything to her to be a jerk but it took alot and I did lash out on others. Cause you cant keep it all bottled up
So we leave the club its now like six in the morning now I m tired been up practically three days with lil to none sleep. Those of you who have talked with em when I m overly tired know that yeah I dont hold back when I tlak then so I walked ahead of everyone just so I didnt say anythign and bit my tongue alot. Even though I was completely discusted with what had happened I still like her and I know what the real person on the inside is like and know that if it wasnt for the world surrounding that rocker on the inside it would be different. The world affecting the outside I believe cause even though I believe thats how it is I could be completly wrong adn I know it but the way I m looking at it this is how I see it. Theres the rocker on the inside who meshes with me great and the model on the out where has to be like it is to comply with it world the world it has to deal with daily. Has an image to uphold and standards to keep with and the guy the guy that made her look miserable was part of that. Alot like the rocker in my is held back to uphold the standards of the military.
You can say I cant possible know that that shes probably just a bitch and toyed with me a tease. But I go out and just be cocky with this cause its proven itself over and over and is pretty damn good, I have a excellent judge of character, especiallyw hen i have a chance to casually tlak with a person. I talked with her a lot earlier on in the night and I know that on the inside that part that will one day force its way out is a great gril its just for now and probably for a while its trapped in this world that isnt forced upon her but is the world that is there and like us all we have to adapt to the world we are in.
I talk alot dont I? too mcuh if you ask cause also in retro there are thigns I would have rather wished I didnt write.. worte some stuff yesturday to em.. wasnt bad but .. probably too much.. and things that I think is probably going to be taken in the wrong context. Cant do nothing about it now though it was written for my sake not theirs, selfish yeah it was. I needed to get things out cause I m done with the botteling deal with ertain things.
Back to leaving the club though one in a drunken mess one just seeming so depressed and me and my friend... well more so associate sober. Back to the apartment.. where apperntly the rocker or a mix of the two was there, at first minimal interaction with me then laying next to me as we watched old school.... this just aggravated me more so but it was how it was. I took it as is and I was calmer at this point as well constantly thinking however that i should have known better anyway.
So yeah I dont know.. lol she does twitch in her sleep, snore a lil cutely if you can believe that and lol I guess some other crazy stuff from what her sister said the next day while she sleeps.... now all of my dirty mind friends stop now nthign happened alright.. fell asleep durring the movie then pressed on to their bedroom.
Besides those that know me best knowthat I m not the type thats goal for an evening is that anyway and after getting shunned for the night I wouldnt have gone for that anyway casuse fuck that shit not getting ignored ten used again hell no. Guys who do that stop thinking with you dick alright woopi you got some if its that big a deal with you then great for anyone who has decided to grow up a bit would rather keep some pride.... she was damn hot thoguh so lol I say it cause lol it didnt happen but yeah it would have been hard not to if oporunity arouse but even so. I knwo my self pretty well and I think iwould have been smarter in the situation anyway.Think what you want on that nothing happened either way.
In conclusion lol after this five page report, I may or may not have a friend still with her.... I get a feeling its goign to depend on her sister a lil on that one.. had to send that note to her sister to get it to her... but I dont know one side of me thinks the woman I saw on the inside will know what she did and feel bad about it.. then part of me just knows I m never going to hear from them again and I ve basically gotten a fuck you back in response...
I dont know
But hey lol I branched out fuckers, so take that to all of you who have ever shunned me and any other freak cause take that I held my own in the fashion world I may have crashed and burned but I may not have in the long run either way. HA HA freaky lil anti social head banging vampiric rocker made his was in to that lil fashion world popular club in Milian the "fashion capital of the world" dance and didnt to to bad for himself. As much a I can bringmy self down about it I m going to keep trying to keep my self on the up and up cause that week between me meeting her at the concert and the club I was me at my fullest the me that hadnt been drained by my military life the me that went to concerts weekly and had colored hair and piercings.I needed that week.
So lol if you read this and you knwo who I m talking about if you are thanks.. lol yeah thanks.... gave me some dance lessons and a good time gave me back some of the confidence I lost long ago even though thta was cold what happened at the end of the night , I think I understand what happened now. We had a lot in common a bloody hell of a lot eh love.
so why not have a slight spliting in personalities as well.
Maybe I m too nice, always have been the nice guy finishing last. You know what though wouldnt want it anyother way.
If any of this is a confusion for you if your going what the hell was that all about its probably because on here there hasnt been any mention of this look at my other myspace blogs entitled "B B B Burn' and "6 Times to the face" for the background history on it all.
-Spider
Ciao Ciao
dalinian:
Wow, I found that a bit confusing to read. I guess she's just a girls who validates herself by trying to get men to chase after her. You can do better than her.