So...... This isn't the blog I was writing yesterday, but i need to vent.
It seems I wasted over a year of my life on a person, a person I truly loved. I gave up the best paying job I've ever had over her. I nearly went to prison, over her. I lost the respect of friends, over her. I put my entire life on hold... for nothing.
I've tried so hard to maintain a positive attitude. I've really been trying to turn over a new leaf and be a better person. This shit just makes it so hard to even comprehend being positive. I was really done wrong here and this girl straight up broke my fuckin' heart. People keep telling me to keep my head up, and that everything is going to be alright. I understand they're trying to help, but how the fuck do they know that? How can someone tell me it's gonna be alright?!?!?! I really invested so much of myself in her. I've never loved someone like i love her. I have two huge fucking tattoos that she picked out. Its not her name, but its still her ya know? This shit is so hard. Having to go to work and smile and pretend like the world is just perfect when inside i'm just fucking screaming.
I don't know of a healthy way to release everything i feel building up inside of me. I'm not gonna go crazy and do anything dumb so don't think that. I'm not homocidal or suicidal or anything like that, I'm just so angry, and hurt, and confused. I'm just fucking lost!!!! Its like i just can't play the music loud enough to make it better. I feel like i need to cry but i can't if that makes sense. I just bought tickets to go see Disturbed and Killswitch Engage in March. Disturbed isn't the most popular band in the world but I've always been able to relate with them well. Draiman's lyrics have always spoken to me. I honestly think this will be a big vent for me but it's nearly two months away.
I'm sorry to be dumping all of this on everyone. I don't expect anybody to have some magical solution for me. I just need to get it off my chest ya know?
I wanna try to stay positive, I really do. I don't like the fact that I'm always upset it seems. I don't like the fact i haven't had a fun blog in a while. I hate the fact that I'm not seeing the beauty in life right now.
Some of my friends tell me i should start dating. Part of me thinks i would like to go have fun, but i dunno. I need a vacation but that won't be happening anytime soon.
Like i said earlier, i'm not expecting anyone to have some magical answer for me or anything like that. I truly plan on keeping my head up. I'll try to look past all this crap and blog about anything good soon.
Thanks for listening
It seems I wasted over a year of my life on a person, a person I truly loved. I gave up the best paying job I've ever had over her. I nearly went to prison, over her. I lost the respect of friends, over her. I put my entire life on hold... for nothing.
I've tried so hard to maintain a positive attitude. I've really been trying to turn over a new leaf and be a better person. This shit just makes it so hard to even comprehend being positive. I was really done wrong here and this girl straight up broke my fuckin' heart. People keep telling me to keep my head up, and that everything is going to be alright. I understand they're trying to help, but how the fuck do they know that? How can someone tell me it's gonna be alright?!?!?! I really invested so much of myself in her. I've never loved someone like i love her. I have two huge fucking tattoos that she picked out. Its not her name, but its still her ya know? This shit is so hard. Having to go to work and smile and pretend like the world is just perfect when inside i'm just fucking screaming.
I don't know of a healthy way to release everything i feel building up inside of me. I'm not gonna go crazy and do anything dumb so don't think that. I'm not homocidal or suicidal or anything like that, I'm just so angry, and hurt, and confused. I'm just fucking lost!!!! Its like i just can't play the music loud enough to make it better. I feel like i need to cry but i can't if that makes sense. I just bought tickets to go see Disturbed and Killswitch Engage in March. Disturbed isn't the most popular band in the world but I've always been able to relate with them well. Draiman's lyrics have always spoken to me. I honestly think this will be a big vent for me but it's nearly two months away.
I'm sorry to be dumping all of this on everyone. I don't expect anybody to have some magical solution for me. I just need to get it off my chest ya know?
I wanna try to stay positive, I really do. I don't like the fact that I'm always upset it seems. I don't like the fact i haven't had a fun blog in a while. I hate the fact that I'm not seeing the beauty in life right now.
Some of my friends tell me i should start dating. Part of me thinks i would like to go have fun, but i dunno. I need a vacation but that won't be happening anytime soon.
Like i said earlier, i'm not expecting anyone to have some magical answer for me or anything like that. I truly plan on keeping my head up. I'll try to look past all this crap and blog about anything good soon.
Thanks for listening
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
i hope u start feeling better soon!
if u want someone to talk u know im right there on the msn
Huge hugs for u and take care mister
Beauty in life is hard to see. Unless you think of the worst and know it's not happening to you. Choosing love, your place of residence, what you're allowed to do with your body.... Some places those things... you don't have a choice.
It will get better.