I'm updating cause I can damn-it!!!
Interesting times have been had by me since I wrote last. I don't know how detailed I desire to get but I suppose some insight won't be too unhealthy for you little ones.
Last week an ex(?), friend(?) or the devil incarnate visited me for the week. The reason for the question marks and the devil comment are because while we dated persay she hated titles like girlfriend/boyfriend (she doesn't like being bound to any one person) and friend is difficult because I had for a long time feared her becuase she is genuinely psychotic (hence the devil comment-I mean she did stab me once for no reason other then stating that I needed to know what it felt like). I had, and note the operative word there kiddies-had, been going through some really rough times in my life. Those that have been reading my ramblings know my troubles with the opposite gender (especailly one of most recent note) and that had alot to do with it. Other things included how pointless things my life had become, friends, money issues, health, you name it I was complaining about it. Needless to say, she helped me out immensely. She got me to realize that I needed to snap out of this endless loop of self-loathing that had basically ground any ambitions I had to a screeching halt.
After much talking throughout her visit and an unusual form of therepy (where I basically wrote letters to everyone that's pissed me off-more or less), this girl oddly enough has a degree in psychology and as an interesting sidenote had herself commited once, things started to seem less shitty. I mean by no means am I going to become one of those happy people I so detest but I'm not going to blame things that go wrong in my life as my fault. If, for example, a date goes wrong then it simply wasn't meant to be and I'll just move on and not stress about it anymore. If friends start being boorish and childish and generally a pain to be around I have plenty of other people that would galdly desire my company, of course she noted to me never underestimate time speant alone as it's great to be able to contemplate and reflect on things every once and a while.
All these things should've seemed like common sense but I was too caught up in the whole woe is me bullshit that I created for myself that I completly lost my lust for anything. It's odd that sometimes you need the perspective of an outsider to help you see these kinds of things. And boy was she disappointed by the things that have brought me to this point. Women primarily was she came to the conclusion of. Either it be ex-girlfriends or crushes it seemed that they had dimmed an aspect of me that as she put it,"was destined for greater things."
Her insights into alot of things was very enjoyable to say the least. Being reminded of how great of an individual I was when she knew me all those years ago before she left for California and all the good times we had was dare I say the word fun? Never the sycophant by any means she said that if don't get my shit straight now I'll remain a victim the rest of my days either be it from relationships I try to pursue or just life in general.
When she left saturday it was almost sad. I mean for all these years she had been my greatest of villians, a nemesis...but in the end she had been a savior of sorts in the sense it took someone like her to find my way again. One of her parting words besides her telling me to ditch this place and move with her to California with her was that if I ever go back to the way I was when she first got here was that she was going to actually finish the job she started years back (i.e refering to the stabbing incident) except this time she'd make sure it didn't just leave a scar. And I knew she wasn't kidding.
Well beyond that I am so freaking excited to here that the White Stripes will finally be touring the states again. I actually like their new album and I am hoping that I'll get to see them when they come to Chicago. Yay!!!
Lawrence Arms sunday was a decent show. I took my little brother with me and it probably would've been a better show if it wasn't for a damned migraine I had been trying to fight off all day. Regardless it was nice to go to a show again. It had been a while.
I reckon that's it for now...so till next crime.
xoxo
James
Interesting times have been had by me since I wrote last. I don't know how detailed I desire to get but I suppose some insight won't be too unhealthy for you little ones.
Last week an ex(?), friend(?) or the devil incarnate visited me for the week. The reason for the question marks and the devil comment are because while we dated persay she hated titles like girlfriend/boyfriend (she doesn't like being bound to any one person) and friend is difficult because I had for a long time feared her becuase she is genuinely psychotic (hence the devil comment-I mean she did stab me once for no reason other then stating that I needed to know what it felt like). I had, and note the operative word there kiddies-had, been going through some really rough times in my life. Those that have been reading my ramblings know my troubles with the opposite gender (especailly one of most recent note) and that had alot to do with it. Other things included how pointless things my life had become, friends, money issues, health, you name it I was complaining about it. Needless to say, she helped me out immensely. She got me to realize that I needed to snap out of this endless loop of self-loathing that had basically ground any ambitions I had to a screeching halt.
After much talking throughout her visit and an unusual form of therepy (where I basically wrote letters to everyone that's pissed me off-more or less), this girl oddly enough has a degree in psychology and as an interesting sidenote had herself commited once, things started to seem less shitty. I mean by no means am I going to become one of those happy people I so detest but I'm not going to blame things that go wrong in my life as my fault. If, for example, a date goes wrong then it simply wasn't meant to be and I'll just move on and not stress about it anymore. If friends start being boorish and childish and generally a pain to be around I have plenty of other people that would galdly desire my company, of course she noted to me never underestimate time speant alone as it's great to be able to contemplate and reflect on things every once and a while.
All these things should've seemed like common sense but I was too caught up in the whole woe is me bullshit that I created for myself that I completly lost my lust for anything. It's odd that sometimes you need the perspective of an outsider to help you see these kinds of things. And boy was she disappointed by the things that have brought me to this point. Women primarily was she came to the conclusion of. Either it be ex-girlfriends or crushes it seemed that they had dimmed an aspect of me that as she put it,"was destined for greater things."
Her insights into alot of things was very enjoyable to say the least. Being reminded of how great of an individual I was when she knew me all those years ago before she left for California and all the good times we had was dare I say the word fun? Never the sycophant by any means she said that if don't get my shit straight now I'll remain a victim the rest of my days either be it from relationships I try to pursue or just life in general.
When she left saturday it was almost sad. I mean for all these years she had been my greatest of villians, a nemesis...but in the end she had been a savior of sorts in the sense it took someone like her to find my way again. One of her parting words besides her telling me to ditch this place and move with her to California with her was that if I ever go back to the way I was when she first got here was that she was going to actually finish the job she started years back (i.e refering to the stabbing incident) except this time she'd make sure it didn't just leave a scar. And I knew she wasn't kidding.
Well beyond that I am so freaking excited to here that the White Stripes will finally be touring the states again. I actually like their new album and I am hoping that I'll get to see them when they come to Chicago. Yay!!!
Lawrence Arms sunday was a decent show. I took my little brother with me and it probably would've been a better show if it wasn't for a damned migraine I had been trying to fight off all day. Regardless it was nice to go to a show again. It had been a while.
I reckon that's it for now...so till next crime.
xoxo
James
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
les:
good advise you have here.
elora1:
happy summer solstice. 