This fucking sucks! I hate this time of the year! So not only do I have this "birthday" bullshit to deal with (yes, it was yesterday, but the shitty mood remains for a few days. Don't like it, piss off) but now I'm back to having "girl/relationship" issues again. So if you honestly don't give 2 shits about that kinda stuff, I suggest you stop reading now.
Well, obviously if you're reached this point, you're wanting to know what's going on. So here goes:
So, Sept 22nd Jennifer was supposed to come up to Calgary to see me, and check out the university and shit. There's a really good chance that she'd be moving here. Which is awesome, because since leaving Missouri, I miss her so much. I want to be with her so much. It's even to the point where I'm not even interested in the girl I met at the Kegger that I was about to hook up with before leaving for the states. But now she's prolly not gonna be up here until the end of Oct (at the earliest). Now, typically that wouldn't be a problem. But new issues have come up. Before leaving, and before meeting the kegger girl, there was another girl that I met that I was REALLY interested in, but because she wasn't single, nothing happened. However, there was a 1 week break up, and things between us got super hot...then she went back to the b/f, so it stopped again. Now she's single again, and TOTALLY interested in me, but she knows that I'm in love with Jennifer and won't come between us, which is VERY respectable. The problem is, I've got the opportunity for a relationship right on my doorstep, but because of my long distance relationship (which I always said I'd never do, but I guess I was wrong) I can't go for it. Now, Jennifer and I even agreed that it'd be an open ended relationship, in that as long as we're apart, we're free to see other people and whatnot, but I know for a fact that if I were to cash in on that policy I'd end up hurting her, which I really don't want to do. And she says that if she were to cash in on it, then she figures it'd hurt me...which it prolly would, but I've gotten good at rationalizing my pains, so it wouldn't bother me as much. It's just do fucking hard to figure out what the fuck I'm supposed to do. When I want 2 girls, and they're both interested in me, but the one I feel stronger for is 3000 miles away, what the fuck do I do? I don't want to start something with Twyla, then have Jennifer show up and have to tell her she's been replaced. But at the same time, I don't want to end up waiting for Jennifer for months on end, just to find out that every month something comes up stopping her from making it up here. I've got enough emotional and psychological issues, I don't need to add "waiting forever for Jennifer" to my list of problems.
Christ, I don't know if this shit is even making sense. My fucking head is a mess right now, and I've started drinking to make myself feel better. Nest step is to hit shit and break/sprain more fingers and/or knuckles. But I'm doing what I can to avoid that.
Basically, what it boils down to is. I'm so in love a girl 3000 miles a way and want to be with her. I'm VERY interested in a girl 15 minutes away and want to be with her too. So fuck, I just don't know what the fuck I should do. And I'm tired of trying to figure this shit out tonight. So I'm gonna finish my beer, grab some food, and try to get some sleep. And maybe tomorrow I'll finally start looking for a god damn shrink to solve my head problems!!!
Well, obviously if you're reached this point, you're wanting to know what's going on. So here goes:
So, Sept 22nd Jennifer was supposed to come up to Calgary to see me, and check out the university and shit. There's a really good chance that she'd be moving here. Which is awesome, because since leaving Missouri, I miss her so much. I want to be with her so much. It's even to the point where I'm not even interested in the girl I met at the Kegger that I was about to hook up with before leaving for the states. But now she's prolly not gonna be up here until the end of Oct (at the earliest). Now, typically that wouldn't be a problem. But new issues have come up. Before leaving, and before meeting the kegger girl, there was another girl that I met that I was REALLY interested in, but because she wasn't single, nothing happened. However, there was a 1 week break up, and things between us got super hot...then she went back to the b/f, so it stopped again. Now she's single again, and TOTALLY interested in me, but she knows that I'm in love with Jennifer and won't come between us, which is VERY respectable. The problem is, I've got the opportunity for a relationship right on my doorstep, but because of my long distance relationship (which I always said I'd never do, but I guess I was wrong) I can't go for it. Now, Jennifer and I even agreed that it'd be an open ended relationship, in that as long as we're apart, we're free to see other people and whatnot, but I know for a fact that if I were to cash in on that policy I'd end up hurting her, which I really don't want to do. And she says that if she were to cash in on it, then she figures it'd hurt me...which it prolly would, but I've gotten good at rationalizing my pains, so it wouldn't bother me as much. It's just do fucking hard to figure out what the fuck I'm supposed to do. When I want 2 girls, and they're both interested in me, but the one I feel stronger for is 3000 miles away, what the fuck do I do? I don't want to start something with Twyla, then have Jennifer show up and have to tell her she's been replaced. But at the same time, I don't want to end up waiting for Jennifer for months on end, just to find out that every month something comes up stopping her from making it up here. I've got enough emotional and psychological issues, I don't need to add "waiting forever for Jennifer" to my list of problems.
Christ, I don't know if this shit is even making sense. My fucking head is a mess right now, and I've started drinking to make myself feel better. Nest step is to hit shit and break/sprain more fingers and/or knuckles. But I'm doing what I can to avoid that.
Basically, what it boils down to is. I'm so in love a girl 3000 miles a way and want to be with her. I'm VERY interested in a girl 15 minutes away and want to be with her too. So fuck, I just don't know what the fuck I should do. And I'm tired of trying to figure this shit out tonight. So I'm gonna finish my beer, grab some food, and try to get some sleep. And maybe tomorrow I'll finally start looking for a god damn shrink to solve my head problems!!!