Crawling. I have been boiling inside. I need something, but I can't figure out what exactly it is. I can't function properly anymore. I am single. I am going to school for theatre (but not in the program I wanted), and I still have friends...
I've been focused on New York and the theatre scene there. Just reading the NYTimes and seeing how many shows open on any given week is boggling. The sheer amount of time, money, and artistic energy present in the mere idea of it blows me away. And I can't be a part of it. Not yet. I am wet behind the ears. I am green.
I wrote a long LJ entry about how I just need the right situations, the right guidance to grow in the ways I know I can and I know are necessary for success... I've been thinking more and more (ie today) that I should be leading myself to this goal. To be the man I want to be, I must take myself there. I mustn't think that something will come along and make everything better.
Wow. Epiphany time. Intense.
I miss the young days of my internet times, where I always had rad people to talk to about great things. Now I'm invisible, and my friends are too busy with their own problems and lives to help me. There I go again, though... thinking that they are the ones who can help me.
I hate Oilers hockey fans... "Why aren't you supporting your team? Fag." what? My team?! Just because I live in conservative-ville does not mean I have to support a corporate owned, advertising-fueled, brain-numbing spectacle of quasi-talented dropouts hitting a little disc of rubber and hitting each other. I used to like hockey, I really did. Until I realized I didn't, however. That moment was the first pseudo-riot on Whyte Ave a couple of weeks ago. Ugh.
I've been making lists while working at Census call centre, because I can't bring anything to read... and I've been doodling. My lists consist of ideas on how I can start spending constructive time learning the things that I feel I'm lacking in (aka the things that I feel held me back from getting into the BFA or NTS).
I really wish I could just drop it. Forget and forgive myself and others for not getting in. It happens, and obviously they had a reason. There's just so many things I look at in the background that irk me. The fact that all the people I know that got into these programs come from middle-middle class or higher families, who can afford to put their teenage kids in lessons and classes outside of school. Yeah yeah.. class warfare is old hat news, but I can't stop noticing things like this. I used to argue with my ex-girlfriend Jenny about it, and she seemed to think it was good, because if I had to work twice as hard to achieve something because of my background, then I get twice the reward. I tried to explain that it doesn't work like that.
Ugh. Brain tired from work tonight. Signing off for now. Cheerio.
I've been focused on New York and the theatre scene there. Just reading the NYTimes and seeing how many shows open on any given week is boggling. The sheer amount of time, money, and artistic energy present in the mere idea of it blows me away. And I can't be a part of it. Not yet. I am wet behind the ears. I am green.
I wrote a long LJ entry about how I just need the right situations, the right guidance to grow in the ways I know I can and I know are necessary for success... I've been thinking more and more (ie today) that I should be leading myself to this goal. To be the man I want to be, I must take myself there. I mustn't think that something will come along and make everything better.
Wow. Epiphany time. Intense.
I miss the young days of my internet times, where I always had rad people to talk to about great things. Now I'm invisible, and my friends are too busy with their own problems and lives to help me. There I go again, though... thinking that they are the ones who can help me.
I hate Oilers hockey fans... "Why aren't you supporting your team? Fag." what? My team?! Just because I live in conservative-ville does not mean I have to support a corporate owned, advertising-fueled, brain-numbing spectacle of quasi-talented dropouts hitting a little disc of rubber and hitting each other. I used to like hockey, I really did. Until I realized I didn't, however. That moment was the first pseudo-riot on Whyte Ave a couple of weeks ago. Ugh.
I've been making lists while working at Census call centre, because I can't bring anything to read... and I've been doodling. My lists consist of ideas on how I can start spending constructive time learning the things that I feel I'm lacking in (aka the things that I feel held me back from getting into the BFA or NTS).
I really wish I could just drop it. Forget and forgive myself and others for not getting in. It happens, and obviously they had a reason. There's just so many things I look at in the background that irk me. The fact that all the people I know that got into these programs come from middle-middle class or higher families, who can afford to put their teenage kids in lessons and classes outside of school. Yeah yeah.. class warfare is old hat news, but I can't stop noticing things like this. I used to argue with my ex-girlfriend Jenny about it, and she seemed to think it was good, because if I had to work twice as hard to achieve something because of my background, then I get twice the reward. I tried to explain that it doesn't work like that.
Ugh. Brain tired from work tonight. Signing off for now. Cheerio.