blackgoat

the things i can give
she can get from anyone
shit spit blood sweat cum

i bruise easily
smudged kisses and finger prints
everything leaves its mark

the you you project
conceals the you that i love
keeper of my heart

what a night! four days off my meds and i miss myself. raises all kinds of interesting questions. like for example if the me i miss is the medicated me, then is it the actual me i miss, or and idealised medicated version of myself that has little to do with the actual me at all. i feel myself slipping back to the me that...
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example two-

its the middle of winter and the wind is thrashing the trees about outside. th rain is slamming into the garden. i am walking up and down, through my house, singing quiet, low songs from my youth about love and sorrow. the child is sleeping on my shoulder, lulled by my voice.

nice.

i have these urban fantasies, little vignettes of perfect domestic happiness that pull me towards specific situations where they might be achieved. its funny, cos when they are achieved, i find the path to get there has been a great one. i think maybe they are psychic messages from an ideal future. or not.

example one-

Its early morning in a bedroom lit by clear...
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sometimes it's so hard to accept that you can't protect people you care about from all the horrible shit that happens in life. its like watching a person cross the road with out looking, cars baring down on them on you out of earshot and only able to watch as they step across the curb. the worst bit is those things that make them so...
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morale is at an all time low. i keep seeing people i know who walk past me with out noticing. you can only tell yourself your more attentive than all your friends so many times before it stops ringing true. its funny, i'm not unhappy, nor especially depressed... maybe it's one of those changing times when you just have to spit on your hands, raise...
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every morning at 3 am i wake up and eat a marmalade sandwich. it tastes so good, right in the middle of the night, like a wonderful lucid dream of the perfect marmalade sandwich, night after night. when i go to bed, i just lie there for a while thinking about that sandwich. i go to sleep with a big smile on my face. right...
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shit. i just dinged a dudes car in a car park. i didn't even realise- my car is so heavy it didn't even wobble. he was standing at my car window and i was like "hello....?". he was an old dude and it was ok about it, but seemed to take an extremely long time to take down my details, continuously interrupted by him telling...
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