blackcoffeeblues

Its been a while, I wil be honest, I am in a little depression, nothing new , itys how I live my life up and down, There are many opinions about this type of personality. I have much experiance with this , some people call it manic , others call it self pity, My experiance is that it is a direct result of the behavior and actions of the present that causes the swings, to put it very simply , do bad things feel bad, do good things feel good. I know there is a little more to it than that, A lot of the time my past haunts, the negative things of years gone by eat at me, I know the past is done with, but it kills me , shitty feelings from 2nd grade eat at me , DAMAGE, go away leave me alone. I know I have a good heart , if I could just get to it. I am being very honest and forward today, and it is not what I like to do . I feel old inside, phsicaally I am in great shape , the same as I was when I was 21, my thoughts are old, this is just where I am at now , I amsure it will change we will see. I am going to the carribian next month, really cant afford to , but I am going anyway. In other news I am enjoying some well deserved spring weather on the east coast. Really liking the new Mars Volta cd. And working quite a bit. I am not asking for things to be handed to me , wnd I know in other places people dont have as good as we do , but dont you want things to go your way , to get ahead, not to have Bill gates money, but just to be comfortable , not to worry??Is this type of thinking harmfull? I am out for now.