blackcoffeeblues

i couldn't sleep, i am a pall bearer at a funeral in a few hours, i had a sudden urge to write, i am not very good, but this is for me, first off i want to thank that girl delusion again for 'broken' it has inspired me, My heart is good but no one can see it , my mind thinks beutifull thoughts but no one understands me, when people see me they think ' tough guy', 'jerk', 'creep', its my fault there was a time when thats what i wanted people to think.... now i wish someone could see the beutifull things in my heart, i have judged, been judged, i have bullied, been bullied, i have been made fun of , have made fun of others, its all damage, i dont want any of it any more life is to short...i have had a life time of pain, i am ready to move on , i can feel it. women probably looked at me and thought 'player', or he is a party boy, they never knew how shy i was , only a few got to know, and they loved me , i wasnt ready... i would neverlet anyone see me, i thought people would think i was a ' fag' if they knew how i felt inside, i cant belive i am writing this stuff, i am ready to be who i am,, a nice imperfect person,not the smartest,not the best looking, not the richest, not the most funniest person, not the toughest. i have defects like anyone else ,i have made mistakes, why couldnt i forgive myself?? i am ready to, i am ready to move on , i deserve to. i anwer to myself. well i must get some sleep