bisou

i'm okay guys, really.

i have these moments where i feel oh-so-free; but they leave as quick as they came.

i kept on saying that i was livid. anger had infiltrated every cell in my body...every action i took and every thought that was going through my head was full of the purest form of madness. i broke shit. things just smashed across my floor. i screamed, cried, shook, ran; i called my mom, i ate a lot of food.

i didn't even have to deal with the blood.

this is basically about me being okay with friends that enhance my life. and getting rid of the ones that ruin it for me.

this is about my relationships with people, and me reevaluting elements of my life that cause me to hurt more than i need to be hurting. this is about me realizing that i am entitled to every feeling and every emotion that i have. it doesn't matter if your friend died and i ONLY got turned down by the guy i've been loving on for months. i am allowed to feel my pain, and you are allowed to feel yours.

between real friends, not one thing is more important than some other thing. friends listen and depend. there is no reason why friendships should cause stress or why there should be more grief among friends than good times. real friendships are not based on talking a lot of shit, and ESPECIALLY not on creating a lot of drama.

my favorite people are chilled out. they are humorous and moody and real and beautiful and musical and dramatic (minus the bullshit). they're eclectic and pleasant, loveable and unique, brilliant and eloquent. they're fun. they're supportive and accepting. sweet, considerate, understanding. i want them, they're lovely. i love them.

i miss them.