HAHAHAHA...
oh my... little bit of a blast from the past just now.
it had to happen sometime. everything dies. even former fortune 500 companies.
about 9 months ago i found out through the only conference call i'd been a part of to that point in any job i'd ever had that i was being laid off. yesterday my boss informed me that there would be a conference call at 8am this morning, but this one wasn't manditory.
in keeping with its not being manditory, i was passed the fuck out sleeping off last night's gin/vodka/blackberry brandy/mike's, and i'd completely forgotten about it anyway. i just got off the phone with my sick boss. we're getting laid off. again. she wants me to come in at 3pm.
heh.
well, like i said before, it was expected. been waiting for it to happen again. they said it would be 8 years before something like that would happen again. well, looks like it was less than a year.
* * * * *
yelled at some kids in a diner last night. fully worth it. the little bastard will think fucking twice about being a dick to wait-staff in the future.
proud.
* * * * *
tried to take the bus home last night. the trip to where i was going consisted of me, slightly drunk with my nearly empty bottle of blackberry brandy in my coat pocket. met a nice fellow at the bus stop who i attempted conversation with. he told me to get a car.
what a nice man.
then i hung out with danielle. it was good times. get to know her if you haven't already.
i guess i didn't realize how late it was, and i was decently intoxicated because that's what i do lately. approaching the bus stop and being slightly haggled by the only other members of the human race who hang out near bus stops at 1-something in the morning.
"how's it going big guy?"
chuckle to myself. "heh... drunk." keep walking, don't look.
get to the schedule and the next bus isn't coming for another half-hour. fuck it. walk.
cold walk, but it was fine. just my ears were frozen. it happens. been that way forever.
lots of time to think. i got to the end of Nicollet where it gets cut off by K-Mart and just as i'm about to cut through, the bus stops behind me half a block away without any time to catch up. i'd already walked approximately 7 city blocks at that point. cut through the underpass and the lights above me are glowing and the ground is glowing and the sky has a deep color.
in my state, which all things considered wasn't too shabby, i jumped up on the fence, and realized the tentative situation i'd thrust myself into. below me there's just snow.
a lot of you, should you read this, already understand that in minnesota in an underpass that's meant for bikers and trains and walkers and anyone that you will never know what's underneath snow. that blanket could be hiding anything. falling isn't an option. it's a good 10ft drop at that. deal.
hop over, hop down. trudge up the hill and walk and it's another 7 or 8 city blocks back home minimum. and i'm talking to myself. having this whole "what i would say if i could" conversation and only the trees and the pavement will ever know what i said because i can't remember the specifics.
it felt the way alone is supposed to feel. cold. biting. frustrated. looking for a way out. feeling down but being outside, walking around, having a destination, feeling your purpose. angry with yourself and the world and the hand you've been dealt. angry and conceited. yelling at squirrels.
fuck yes.
walking walking and there's an honest rage inside me. such a whiney little bitch sometimes. all i've got is a voice to use to yell at walls and i do everyday.
but walking home, walking like you could put a wall in front of me and it wouldn't stop me, you could put a person or a bus in front of me and i'm going to walk straight through it, i arrived at my door.
took out my keys and smiled.
i had to.
i made it. and it was small, but there was victory in it. i wanted to do it again. i wanted to be thrust out into the world on my own. i wanted to walk through fire. i wanted a REAL challenge and not just an inconvenient walk home, because really it was nothing. but i wanted to have something real.
i could make it. making it, that's worth it. and i did. last night i did.
slept like a drunk little baby. softly.
oh my... little bit of a blast from the past just now.
it had to happen sometime. everything dies. even former fortune 500 companies.
about 9 months ago i found out through the only conference call i'd been a part of to that point in any job i'd ever had that i was being laid off. yesterday my boss informed me that there would be a conference call at 8am this morning, but this one wasn't manditory.
in keeping with its not being manditory, i was passed the fuck out sleeping off last night's gin/vodka/blackberry brandy/mike's, and i'd completely forgotten about it anyway. i just got off the phone with my sick boss. we're getting laid off. again. she wants me to come in at 3pm.
heh.
well, like i said before, it was expected. been waiting for it to happen again. they said it would be 8 years before something like that would happen again. well, looks like it was less than a year.
* * * * *
yelled at some kids in a diner last night. fully worth it. the little bastard will think fucking twice about being a dick to wait-staff in the future.
proud.
* * * * *
tried to take the bus home last night. the trip to where i was going consisted of me, slightly drunk with my nearly empty bottle of blackberry brandy in my coat pocket. met a nice fellow at the bus stop who i attempted conversation with. he told me to get a car.
what a nice man.
then i hung out with danielle. it was good times. get to know her if you haven't already.
i guess i didn't realize how late it was, and i was decently intoxicated because that's what i do lately. approaching the bus stop and being slightly haggled by the only other members of the human race who hang out near bus stops at 1-something in the morning.
"how's it going big guy?"
chuckle to myself. "heh... drunk." keep walking, don't look.
get to the schedule and the next bus isn't coming for another half-hour. fuck it. walk.
cold walk, but it was fine. just my ears were frozen. it happens. been that way forever.
lots of time to think. i got to the end of Nicollet where it gets cut off by K-Mart and just as i'm about to cut through, the bus stops behind me half a block away without any time to catch up. i'd already walked approximately 7 city blocks at that point. cut through the underpass and the lights above me are glowing and the ground is glowing and the sky has a deep color.
in my state, which all things considered wasn't too shabby, i jumped up on the fence, and realized the tentative situation i'd thrust myself into. below me there's just snow.
a lot of you, should you read this, already understand that in minnesota in an underpass that's meant for bikers and trains and walkers and anyone that you will never know what's underneath snow. that blanket could be hiding anything. falling isn't an option. it's a good 10ft drop at that. deal.
hop over, hop down. trudge up the hill and walk and it's another 7 or 8 city blocks back home minimum. and i'm talking to myself. having this whole "what i would say if i could" conversation and only the trees and the pavement will ever know what i said because i can't remember the specifics.
it felt the way alone is supposed to feel. cold. biting. frustrated. looking for a way out. feeling down but being outside, walking around, having a destination, feeling your purpose. angry with yourself and the world and the hand you've been dealt. angry and conceited. yelling at squirrels.
fuck yes.
walking walking and there's an honest rage inside me. such a whiney little bitch sometimes. all i've got is a voice to use to yell at walls and i do everyday.
but walking home, walking like you could put a wall in front of me and it wouldn't stop me, you could put a person or a bus in front of me and i'm going to walk straight through it, i arrived at my door.
took out my keys and smiled.
i had to.
i made it. and it was small, but there was victory in it. i wanted to do it again. i wanted to be thrust out into the world on my own. i wanted to walk through fire. i wanted a REAL challenge and not just an inconvenient walk home, because really it was nothing. but i wanted to have something real.
i could make it. making it, that's worth it. and i did. last night i did.
slept like a drunk little baby. softly.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
B.) Yes, I am very overdramactic most of the time, for that I am sorry, and I don't like feeling like I'm in conflict with someone and so this is definitly my issue, not yours.